CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 1) Chapter 8: Conversational Messages This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: any public performance or display, including transmission of any image over a network; preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or in part, of any images; any rental, lease, or lending of the program. Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 2) Principles of Conversation Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved  Conversation is an essential part of interpersonal communication  Relatively informal social interaction  Roles of speaker and hearer are exchanged in a nonautomatic fashion  All parties collaborate and manage conversation

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 3) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.The principle of process: conversation is a five-stage developmental process

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 4) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage One: Opening  Greeting  Phatic communication – small talk, establishes a connection, opens channel for further talk  Sets tone of conversation  Opening references  Opening lines

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 5) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage Two: Feedforward  Signals the nature of the conversation  Opens the channels of communication  Previews the message  Disclaims  Altercasts

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 6) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage Three: Business  Substance or focus  Most conversations are goal directed  Taboo topics should be avoided by outsiders

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 7) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage Four: Feedback  Reflect back on conversation  Signal that business is completed  Positive – negative  Person focused – message focused  Immediate – delayed  Low monitoring – high monitoring  Supportive – critical

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 8) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage Five: Closing  The goodbye  Reveals how satisfied you are with conversation  Can be difficult and awkward

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 9) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Principle of cooperation  Cooperation – you implicitly agree to try to understand each other  Conversational maxims – general rules to follow  Quantity  Quality  Relation  Manner  Maxims vary culturally

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 10) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Principle of politeness  Tact  Generosity  Approbation (praise)  Modesty  Agreement  Sympathy

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 11) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 4.Principle of dialogue  Monologue – one person speaks and the other listens; no real interaction  Dialogue – two way interaction where both participants are speaker and listener

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 12) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 5.Principle of turn taking  Verbal and nonverbal cues signal conversational turns  Speaker cues  Turn-maintaining  Turn-yielding  Listener cues  Turn-requesting  Turn-denying

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 13) Principles of Conversation (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 5.Principle of turn taking (cont.)  Backchanneling – communicate back to speaker without taking over role of speaker  Acknowledgement tokens or overlaps  Functions  Interruptions  To take the stage  Gender differences

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 14) Conversational Disclosure: Revealing Yourself Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Self-disclosure – communicating information about yourself that you usually keep hidden  Developing process  Disclosure changes as relationships change  Must be shared with another person; can’t be intrapersonal

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 15) Conversational Disclosure (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Influences on self-disclosure  Who you are  Culture  Gender  Listeners  Topic

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 16) Conversational Disclosure (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Rewards and dangers of self-disclosure  Rewards  Self-knowledge  Communication and relationship effectiveness  Physiological well-being  Dangers  Personal  Relational  Professional

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 17) Conversational Disclosure (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Guidelines for self-disclosure Making self-disclosures  Appropriate motivations  Appropriate context  Disclose gradually  Without imposing burdens on yourself or others

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 18) Conversational Disclosure (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Guidelines for self-disclosure (cont.) Facilitating and responding to disclosure  Effective and active listening  Support and reinforce the discloser  Be willing to reciprocate  Confidentiality

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 19) Conversational Disclosure (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Guidelines for self-disclosure (cont.) Resisting pressure to disclose  Don’t be pushed  Be assertive  Delay a decision  Be indirect and change topics

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 20) Everyday Conversations Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Small talk  Topics and contexts  Noncontroversial and innocuous  Brief  In-flight intimacy

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 21) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Small talk (cont.) Guidelines  Be positive  Watch for leave-taking cues  Stress similarities  Be brief but elaborate

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 22) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Excuses and apologies  Excuse – explanation designed to reduce negative impact and maintain image  Types of excuses  I didn’t do it  It wasn’t so bad  Yes, but

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 23) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Excuses and apologies (cont.) Good and bad excuses (guidelines)  Understand and legitimize other’s feelings  Take responsibility  Acknowledge your own displeasure  Make it clear it won’t happen again

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 24) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Excuses and apologies (cont.)  Apology – expression of regret for something you did  Repair relationship  Repair reputation

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 25) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Excuses and apologies (cont.) Guidelines for apologizing  Admit wrongdoing  Be apologetic  Be specific  Express understanding  Assure it won’t happen again  Omit excuses  Don’t take the easy way out

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 26) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Complimenting – praise, flattery  Backhanded compliment – insult masked as a compliment Guidelines for complimenting  Be real and honest  Moderation  Be totally complimentary  Specific  Be personal in your own feelings

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 27) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Complimenting (cont.) Guidelines for receiving  Don’t deny or minimize  Smile with eye contact  Say thank you  Explain why it’s important to you

CH 8: Conversational Messages (slide 28) Everyday Conversations (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Advice  Meta-advice – advice about advice  Explore options and choices  Seek expert advice  Delay a decision  Giving advice  Responding to advice