Scott Learn Oregon Audits Division

What we’ll cover Invite readers White space, graphics, photos, sidebars, callouts Guide readers What’s the point, active section headings, conclusions first Reward readers Specifics, examples, quotes Non-academic paragraphs and sentences Become readers Reading aloud, cold reads, readability tests 2

“Every writer I know has trouble writing.” - Joseph Heller 3

Invite Readers 4

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Graphics 6

Photos 7

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Sidebars 9

Callouts 10

Guide Readers 11

What’s the point? From 2015 State Data Center audit: Over the last nine years, security weaknesses at the state data center have put confidential information at risk. These weaknesses continued because the state abandoned initial security plans, did not assign security roles and responsibilities, or provide sufficient security staff. 12

Put conclusions first Don’t force readers to draw conclusions from a long string of facts or data. Tell them your conclusion – what the data means – then give them the data. From 2014 Temporary Assistance for Needy Families audit: Oregon’s TANF program has a history of poor results on work-based federal performance measures. (Followed by lots of numbers.) 13

Use Active Headings Create short topic sentences, not verb-free labels. Good Strategies that boost completion rates do not reach most students Bad Completion rate review 14

Reward Readers 15

Use specifics, not abstractions Kinda interesting: TANF serves thousands of the poorest families in the state, 96% with no income at all. Not interesting: TANF serves low-income families. 16

Use representative examples and quotes They add authenticity and help readers connect. From TANF audit: One case manager commented that “we spend way too much time and resources chasing clients and trying to make them accountable.” 17

Don’t write for the guy on the left 18

Academic Styles to Avoid Long sentences, with lots of clauses. Long paragraphs, all starting with a topic sentence. Abstractions over specifics. Formal transitions: additionally, in addition, thus, therefore, moreover, furthermore. Abundant acronyms and jargon, rarely defined in simple terms. 19

Vary Sentences and Paragraphs Don’t start every sentence with a clause -- or start every sentence without one. Strings of long sentences and paragraphs create a visual wall that discourages readers. Long strings of short sentences create a distracting, staccato rhythm. Use very short sentences mainly to emphasize points. 20

Use Reader Friendly Transitions Most new paragraphs don’t need a transition. If you are on the same subject, readers will follow along. Simple transitions – “also,” “but” or “however” – work well, especially mid-sentence. Work from old to new. Reference information you just mentioned and progress to new, important information. 21

A Transition Example: From a recent Transportation Audit: The increased reliance on bond funding (old information from previous paragraph) will also (tiny transition) lead to significant debt service over an extended time, reducing funding available for construction projects. (new information) 22

Tighter Sentences: Check for preposition overload Before: It is a matter of the gravest importance to the health of anyone who uses a microwave oven and has a heart condition to avoid standing in front of an operating microwave oven. After: If you have a heart condition, don’t stand in front of an operating microwave oven. 23

Tighter sentences: Watch for whiches You may be trying to jam in too much information. A simple example: Before: The Legislature ended the program, which was started a decade ago, last year. After: The program started a decade ago. The Legislature ended it last year. 24

Tighter sentences: Avoid passive voice The classic: Mistakes were made. Passive: The report was approved. (subject/actor absent) There was agreement on the report. (absent actor, plus making verb “agree” into noun “agreement.” There was, there is, etc. often start passive sentences.) The report was approved by the board (subject/actor after action) Active The board approved the report. 25

Avoid lofty words and phrases Please don’t use “utilize” for use. Indicate, not “are indications.” Economics, not “the field of economics.” “Incentivize” is unforgivable. So is “actionable.” 26

Become Readers 27

Read aloud This is the foolproof mystical method to putting yourself in your reader’s shoes. The ideal: Have someone else read your own writing aloud to you, or take turns reading together in a group. You will catch missing words, overly long sentences, bad logic, jargon, confusing descriptions, clunky language, and dead boring writing. 28

Solicit a “cold reader” E.g. Your Mom. Your already suffering spouse. Our office uses auditors not involved with the audit. You do not want a nit-picker. A cold reader asks big-picture readability questions: Is this hard to understand? Am I getting lost? Am I getting bored? The ideal cold reader (or editor) avoids trying to “fix” the problem. Discussion afterward is the ticket. 29

A Readability Test Run the Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level check in Word. To activate: Main Word menu; then “Word Options”; then “Proofing”; then click box for “Show readability statistics.” Readability scores will appear after you run spell check. Our reports are getting down to the 12 th -grade level for readability, two to four grade levels below our previous audits. 30

Summary Put conclusions first Read aloud Don’t use utilize 31

Questions & Contact Information Oregon Audits Division 255 Capitol Street NE STE 500 Salem, OR (503)