Healthy Relationships Unit: Healthy Relationships Grade 12 Health and Physical Education PPL 4O

Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship Any relationship that you have in your early and late teens will affect the relationships you have later in life. The lessons you learn about respect, healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, and what feels right or wrong, will carry over into future relationships. It is extremely important for us to recognize what a healthy relationship is.

Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship Healthy relationships are enjoyable and respectful and provide opportunities for many positive experiences that affect self-esteem Can develop healthy relationships with anyone, including family, friends, and dating partners Takes time, energy, and care to develop positive, healthy relationships Healthy relationships are Characterized by communication, respect, sharing, and trust Based on the belief that both partners are equal Maintain the freedom to be ourselves Satisfying and promote individual growth

Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship In some conflict situations, people may use behaviours that are considered unhealthy or abusive, and may include the following: Emotional Physical Sexual Financial

Think Pair Share: Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships Identify what are the characteristics of a healthy relationship and the characteristics of an unhealthy relationship. Work in pairs to rank the top three to five characteristics in each category Identify the class’ top five characteristics in each category Identify what each characteristic would look like in a healthy relationship and in an unhealthy relationship

The WANTS & The NO WAYS! HEALTHY Good Communication Trust Honesty Compassion Compromise Faithful & Committed Shared Goals & Beliefs Shared Experiences Affection Humour RESPECT!! UNHEALTHY Being Put Down Disrespect Jealousy Abusive (Emotional, Verbal, Physical) One-sided Control Cheating Lying Isolation

Relationship Values Relationship Values Handout

Benefits of Healthy Relationships The process of relationship building begins with our families, moves to the formation of friendships, and may eventually lead to romantic relationships. Our first relationships are with our parents or caregivers. When caregivers feed and nurture children, they provide a sense of security, trust, and belonging, thus forming a powerful mutual bond As adults, these individuals will be more likely to trust other people, feeling secure that they won’t be abandoned or rejected

Factors Affecting Relationships In all relationships, people experience times of difficulty. Problems often arise because of Different expectations Distraction with other issues Difficulty expressing what is on their minds

Examples of issues encountered in Relationships Practical/Logistical Issues Physical distance from partner Financial issues Family issues (e.g., family acceptance)

Examples of issues encountered in Relationships Compatibility Issues Age/maturity Values or beliefs Personal character and attitude Personal goals Culture and language Religion Intellect

Examples of issues encountered in Relationships Commitment Issues Too busy with other activities/ people Unsupportive of partner’s needs, goals, activities Issues of infidelity

Examples of issues encountered in Relationships Affection/Intimacy Issues Communication issues Power and control Attraction issues Mental-emotional issues (e.g., low self-esteem, jealousy) Behaviours associated with demonstrating affection/intimacy Emotional or physical abuse

What’s the Problem? Did you have any difficulty identifying examples under any of the problem areas? If so, under which one(s)? Did any of the examples seem trivial? Explain. Do any of the four problem areas seem more problematic than others? Explain.

Reflecting on Relationships Reflecting on Relationships Handout

Communication: The Cornerstone to Healthy Relationships A healthy relationship does not exist without effective communication. Effective communication is a shared responsibility that involves both sending and receiving messages. Strategies for effective communication involve verbal skills, active listening, and the ability to resolve problems or issues. Communication in relationships is one of the most complex and strategic activities of human beings

Technological Means of Communication Wired, wireless, and mobile voice messaging, text messaging, , and a variety of Internet options (e.g., chat rooms, instant messaging, blogs, personal web pages). All methods of communication serve a purpose, but each method still requires the same considerations of trust, respect, and kindness. Increasingly difficult to convey emotional messages when the subtle shades of meaning expressed through verbal and non-verbal communication are not present Forming and building relationships by technological means is not without its risks and dangers.

How Do I Say It? Discuss the appropriate use of various modes of communicating various messages within a relationship and what the positive or negative impact may be How do modes of communication in relationships differ between generations

Communicating assertively and effectively in a relationship Be Direct Say what you want. Say what you mean; don’t hint. Look like you mean it (body language). Sound like you mean it (voice). Use “I” Statements I feel...; I don’t want... Take responsibility for your wants and feelings.

Be Firm Stand up for yourself. Keep repeating your message. You don’t have to give a reason. Stick to your decision. Be Fair Be clear about what you do or do not want. Stay calm. Don’t attack or put down (e.g., the trouble with you is...). Give alternatives (e.g., instead of, how about if...).

Steps to Loving Communication Have reasonable expectations. Know your own feelings. Recognize and correct communication-blocking habits. Think before you speak. Allow the other person to save face. Use assertive communication. Decide what is negotiable and what is not. Make time for communication. Learn to listen. Give each other compliments and positive comments.

Styles of Communication Passive-passive communication Non-participatory, little interaction, go with flow Passive-aggressive communication Manipulative Aggressive-aggressive communication Control and dominate to “win” Assertive-assertive communication Open and honest

Abuse

Victims of Cyberstalking

STERNBERG’S THEORY LOVE TRIANGLE CI P

COMPONENTS OF RELATIONSHIPS 1. INTIMACY = feelings of closeness and connection. Use of higher levels of communication. 2. PASSION = physical attraction and sexual attraction. The drives that lead to romance. Involves a high degree of physical arousal and an intense desire to be with the loved one. Passion develops rapidly and then slows down

COMPONENTS OF RELATIONSHIPS (cont.) 3. COMMITMENT = a decision that one cares for another and wishes to maintain a relationship.

8 POSSIBLE LOVE RELATIONSHIPS Intimacy, passion and commitment are the warm, hot and cold vertices of Sternberg’s love triangle. Alone and in combination they give rise to 8 possible kinds of love relationships.

1. Nonlove: The absence of all three components. Example: a large majority of our relationships Casual interactions STERNBERG’S THEORY LOVE TRIESTERNBERG’S THEORY LOVE TRIE

2. Liking: Feelings experienced in true friendship. Liking includes such things as closeness and warmth but not the intense feelings of passion Example: very best friends I

3. Infatuation: LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. It involves a high degree of physiological arousal. Example: 10th grader in love with a beautiful 12th grade girl but won’t ask her out. P

4. Empty love: Commitment without intimacy or passion. They used to be passionate but it died out. Example: 30 year old marriage They stay together because... C

5. Romantic love: Intimacy and passion. More than infatuation it’s liking with the added excitement of physical attraction but without commitment Example: Summer affair I P

6. Fatuous love: Commitment plus passion This type of love rarely works. The emotional core is missing which is necessary to sustain the intimacy. Example: Whirlwind marriage C P

7. Companionate love: Intimacy plus commitment It’s a long-term friendship. Example: 80 year old couples C I

8. Consummate love: Also known as complete love. When all three elements of the triangle come together in a relationship. This is difficult but not impossible to achieve. Example: Only very special relationships get here CI P

Homework & Review Read pages Answer Questions #1,2,3,4 on page 209