Developing Satisfying Romance and Lovemaking in Marriage

Dear Lord, I pray that those who are unmarried to one another in our church would refrain from sex, and I pray even more that those who are married would have lots of it.

Let’s begin with a quiz from the greatest book in the universe on marriage – the Bible

Who invented sex and why? A. Satan did because he knew that God hated humans enjoying physical pleasure B. No one invented it, but it evolved from our ancestors the monkeys with the purpose of advancing the species C. God the Father designed it for married couples as the greatest expression of all physical pleasure coupled with the highest of human intimacy and love

24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 2

 To husbands, love making is primarily a physical need  To wives, love making is primarily about love and intimacy

Does the Bible teach any correlation between the sexual intimacy and intimacy with God? A. No way Jose B. Yes but it is found in the Apocrypha C. Yes and it is found in I Corinthians 6:16-17

16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.” 17 But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. I Corinthians 6 What is the correlation? Both have to do with the greatest expression of intimacy, one physical with your mate, the other spiritual with your God.

 In marriage 1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord. Genesis 4  In our spiritual life 3 “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. John 17

True of False Sexual intimacy is so important to God that He included an entire book in the Bible to it? Answer: True The Song of Songs written by the wisest man who ever lived Solomon, is a description of romantic and physical love

True of False The Bible is too proper to ever discuss how active married couples should be in love making. Answer: False

3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I Corinthians 7

Why Love Making In Marriage Is Not As Easy As You Thought It Was Going To Be When You Were Engaged

1. A dissatisfaction of the wife over the condition of the marriage

Since love making is primarily an act of intimacy for a wife, giving herself to a husband she is unpleased with is uninviting. The difficulty with this is that cutting oneself off from their mate, whether husband or wife, only makes things worse never better. A better solution is for there to be frequent love making and when the husband messes up, the wife says something like, “Joe I thought you been enjoying our love making, are you really trying to mess it up babe?”

We have all heard that it is wrong for a wife to use sex as a weapon. True, but no one has ever said it is wrong to use it as a tool. When he has given up his weekend to watch the kids so you can go to a woman’s retreat, you might initiate sex and then say, “I just wanted to say thank you to a wonderful husband.”

2. A lack of the husband pursuing his wife in a loving and romantic way

 Hey men, the words, “Honey are you awake?” is not foreplay.  Touch is huge to your wife. Start foreplay early in the day.  Use terms of endearment  Tell her how beautiful she is and how you are the luckiest man in the world to be married to her  Engage in conversation  Sometimes, “No I am not in the mood” really means keep pursuing me, you might get lucky.

 Plan time away without the kids  Don’t wait to make plans for a date night at the last minute.  Tell your wife you have signed them up for dance lessons.  Allow your wife to caught you looking at her the way that if she saw you looking that way at another woman you would be in trouble  Massages are good  Most important: Ask your wife what is the most romantic thing you can do for her

Men introduce a vibrating sex toy into your foreplay

Be careful how you say no to your husband’s advances toward you for love making. He may be big, strong, and courageous, but your words of rejection can crush him and you may never know it. It is much better to say something sweet like, “I would love to honey but I don’t feel well. Is it okay with you if we wait until tomorrow.”

3. The aligning of the stars and everything is just perfect before she wants love making

 Get up with a baby  Go to work  Exercise  Pay bills  Go to the doctor for a shot If love making is so important to the condition of a healthy marriage, why would you insist on waiting until everything is just perfect?

4. Low Mojo Sexual interest called libido, isn’t always where it should be and can cause frustration for both husband and wife

 Exhaustion  Depression  Sickness  Stress and anxiety  Hormonal imbalance  Marital issues  Past sexual abuse  Low testosterone levels

5. A lack of knowledge of what love making means to each other

6. A deep frustration over gender differences regarding sex

Which of us have not said on numerous occasions, “What is wrong with my mate? For the wife, all my husband ever wants is more, he is never satisfied. The husband wants to know what happened to the hot sexual desires she had when dating. There is a tendency to believe there is something broken or wrong in the other gender. Maybe we are blaming the wrong party. Maybe we should take it upstairs.

Gary Thomas in his book Sacred Marriage makes this observation. Maybe the purpose of marriage is not about my personal happiness but about my holiness. Maybe the only resolution to this tension between the genders is for both to give up their selfishness and focus on meeting their mate’s needs rather than being preoccupied with their own unmeet needs.

Husband: Honey you look great tonight, do you want fool around? Wife: Sure babe, I would love to. Husband: What is wrong, I sense something is off with you. Wife: No everything is fine. Husband: No everything is not fine, I know when you not yourself. Wife: I saw Grandma today and I don’t know how much time before see won’t know who I am. Husband: Tell me about what happened. Wife: No, enough about that. I thought you were going to kiss me. What is not important is whether or not they made love. What is important is that both of them were more concerned about the other’s needs over their own.

7. A lack of non- sexual intimate activities in a couple’s life that would ultimately influence love making

 Holding hands  Meaningful conversation that involves deep emotion  Working together as a team on a project The biggest non-sexual intimate act a couple can do is…

8. Physiological problems especially as we grow older

 Husbands and wives feeling apart and then connecting through love making and feeling close again  Men need respect and admiration women love and affection  Mystique