Module 4: Supporting Bereavement

Supportive Listening Listening is an important part of supporting someone who is bereaved. The next 2 slides are designed to teach you how to listen more effectively. Please print a copy of the slides or listening skills fact sheet for use in the next steps module.

Supportive Listening Become a Supportive Listener Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others. We listen to obtain information. We listen to understand. We listen for enjoyment. We listen to learn. To give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. There are 5 steps you can take to become a better listener. Pay Attention Look at the speaker directly. Put aside distracting thoughts. Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal! Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations. Observe the speaker's body language. Show That You're Listening Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention. Nod occasionally. Smile and use other facial expressions. Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” and “uh huh.”

Listening Skills Reflections As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This requires you to reflect what is being said and ask a few appropriate questions. Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," and "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to reflect back. Ask appropriate questions (but not too many) to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say." "Is this what you mean?" Summarize the speaker's comments periodically. Non-Judgemental Our personal filters, assumptions, judgements, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message. Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions and do not pass your own judgements or prejudices. Don't interrupt with counter arguments. Respond Empathically Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by judging the speaker. Aim to respond empathically but checking out and using intuition to how the speaker may be feeling. Use terms such as “it sounds like you are really suffering” or “that sounds like a really lonely existence” terms that really connect with how the speaker is feeling. Treat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to be treated. Tip: If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"

Conclusion Grief is a complex psychological process. Bereavement is very individual and people should be allowed to grieve in their own way. The bereaved should have a time in which they can express their grief openly and not be ashamed of it. Full support from yourselves and other agencies can aid the grieving process.

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