Verbal listening: Listening

The House Bunny

What is listening Listening is the process of receiving, constructing meaning form, and responding to spoken and nonverbal messages; to hear something with thoughtful attention. Listening is the absorption of the meanings of words and sentences by the brain. It leads to the understanding of facts and ideas.

Listening VS Hearing Hearing: physical process; natural; passive Listening: physical & mental process; active; learned process; a skill

Characteristics of Poor Listeners 1. Using statements blocking the person speaking from staying on topic Examples: "The facts are..." "You had better..." "You should..." "It doesn't really matter..."

2. Interrupting the speaker, uses thoughts from what the other person has just said, and expresses their own thought. Examples: "Oh, well, I know. Listen what happened to me in that situation..."

3. Talking about their thoughts without giving any indication they heard what the other person has said. Examples: Speaker: "I am feeling really overworked and stressed out." Listener: "Have you seen my keys?"

Barriers to good listening Environment barriers; Physiological barriers; Psychological barriers; Selective listening; Negative listening attitudes; Personal reactions; Poor motivation

Proper listening skills What is Active Listening? Active listening is listening beyond words in order to understand the deeper message. Active listeners are able to detect and reflect the feelings that give emotional energy to language.

Nonverbal Listening Communicating attention Body language and gestures

Communicating Attention Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. Avoid being distracted by environmental factors, for example, side conversations. Look at the speaker directly and put aside distracting thoughts.

Body Language and Gestures Give the speaker personal space. Nod occasionally in agreement with what the speaker is saying. Smile encouragingly and use other facial expressions and make eye contact. Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting. Don't fold your arms. The speaker may interpret it as a sign of negativity or hostility.

Verbal Listening Effective questions Provide Feedback

Effective Questions Asking questions helps you to focus or concentrate more on what the speaker is saying and it helps you when making a summary of what you heard when reflecting and interpreting the material and to clarify certain points. Examples: "What do you mean when you say..."; "Is this what you mean?"

Tip: If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information. Example: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"

Types of Questions 1) Closed Questions 2) Open-Ended Questions

Closed Questions Closed questions are questions that require a yes or no response. These types of questions are not good to use when trying to maintain a conversation They tend to shut people down instead of open them up Examples: Did you like the food/movie? Do you want to rent that apartment?

Open-Ended Questions As an alternative to closed questions, we can ask open-ended questions These questions allow for a more detailed response This encourages people to feel more open and expressive Examples: How did you like the food/movie? How did you like the apartment that we looked at?

Provide Feedback Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Avoid judgment interrupting which frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message. Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions. Don't interrupt with counter arguments. Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal.

Paraphrase Feelings Accurately: The listener waits until the speaker pauses, as if expecting some sort of response from the listener. The listener makes a statement labeling the feeling he/she heard. Examples: "You're saying..., You feel that..., If I understand you, you feel this way about this situation..." "You say you feel ___________, but you seem ___________ when talking about this..."

Paraphrase Content Accurately: The listener waits until the speaker is through speaking and repeats the content of what he/she has heard in his/her own words. Examples: "In other words, it is your decision to..." "These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed..."

Ask non-threatening questions: Keep your questions to a minimum Ask non-threatening questions: Keep your questions to a minimum. Give the speaker opportunity to think about the question before they respond. Try asking questions that will help the speaker arrive at their own conclusions. Examples: "How?" "What?" "Could?" "Would?" "Is?" "Are?" "Do?" "Did?"

Examples: "mmm..." "yes..." "right..." "certainly..." Use Acknowledgement Responses: These statements pull together ideas and facts as well as establish a basis for further understanding. Examples: "mmm..." "yes..." "right..." "certainly..." - ACTIVE LISTENING ACTIVITY – draw something

Conclusion Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down. Be candid, open, and honest in your response. Assert your opinions respectfully. Treat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to be treated. It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habit-breaking to do! Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don't, then you'll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!