Decorum in Negotiations Look and Sound Your Best

Introduction  Communication –Listening –Speaking –Questioning –Body Language  Etiquette –Clothing –Gifts –Meals –Social Politeness

Listening  Barriers to Listening –Psychological Barriers –Physical Barriers –Environmental Barriers –Expectation Barriers  Active Listening –Not competitive –Interactive

Speaking  Negotiation Language –“You” Principle –KISS Principle  Cautions –Never use provocative terms –Never personalize differences –Never express unrelated opinions –Never make negative comments about others –Never lose your temper

Questioning Method  Please feel free to interrupt me at any time.  Please stop me if you have questions.  Don’t hesitate to ask if something is not clear.  We want to know what you are thinking.  If you need clarification, ask away.  What questions do you have?  Does that answer your question?  Was that clear?  Did I leave anything out?

Asking  If it is a general question you might ask: –Could you tell me something about … –I’d like to know more about … –What’s the story on … (informal)  If it is a question about details you might ask: –What exactly do you mean by … ? –Could you be more specific about … ? –Can you explain more about … ? –How does (XXX) work exactly?  If it is used to indicate understanding: –So, you are saying … –If I understand you correctly, you are saying … –Am I right in thinking that your plan is to … ? –What you are saying is …

Responding  If the question given to you indicates some sort of confusion: –I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear. –I’m sorry. What I meant to say was … –Thanks for that question. I should have said …  If you don’t want to answer every question directly and completely: –I really can’t speak to that. –I’d rather not answer that question right now. –I’m sorry it is against company policy to share that information.

Postponing  Can I deal with that later?  I was just coming to that.  That is coming up in a moment.  Could I just finish this, first? Then I’ll get right to your question.

Body Language Positive Attitudes Key Indicators Confidence  hands in pockets with thumbs out  hands on lapel of the coat  good body posture (square shoulders and a straight back)  hands on hips Interest  tilted head toward the speaker  sitting on the edge of the chair  upper body leaning forward in the chair  eyes focused on the speaker Careful Evaluation  looking out over eyeglasses  chin cupped between thumb and fingers  putting hands to the bridge of the nose  stroking the chin Eagerness  rubbing hands together  smiling excessively  frequent nodding of the head

Body Language Negative Attitudes Key Indicators Deception o frequent eye blinking o hand covering the mouth while speaking o frequent coughing o looking away while speaking o quick sideways glances Defensiveness o arms folded on the chest o crossed legs o pointing an index finger at another person Insecurity o hands completely in the pockets o constant fidgeting o chewing on a pencil o frequent coughing o biting fingernails o hand wringing Frustration o a pronounced tightness of the jaw o rubbing of the back of the neck o drawing of the eyebrows together o leaning back in the chair Boredom o eyes not focused on the speaker or looking elsewhere o head in hands o sloppy or informal body posture o preoccupation with something else (e.g. spinning a pen)

Etiquette –Clothing –Gifts –Meals –Social Politeness

Clothing  Simple but professional  Negotiation not fashion show  Suitably formal

Gifts  Low cost  Culturally relevant

Meals  Allow Westerners to use chopsticks  Be careful of dietary restrictions  Do not insist on drinking alcohol

Social Politeness  Introductions  Forms of Address  Business Cards

Conclusion Negotiation can be a difficult process. Both sides want to achieve their own goals. Through proper decorum and planning, the negotiation can get off to a good start in which both parties feel at ease and they can understand each other well. A good preparation should lead through the various phases of the negotiation to a good conclusion.

Bibliography  “Better Results with Active Listening” from  Hindle, Tim Negotiating Skills, (London: Dorling Kindersley, 1998).