The Other Talk A Guide to talking with your Adult Children about the rest of your life

The Talk

Wall of Procrastination Emotionally challenging Emotionally challenging Inevitable transformation Inevitable transformation Changing Parent/Child relationship Changing Parent/Child relationship

The Talk

The Other Talk

“I’ll never put my kids through what happened to me!”

When should you start the Other Talk?

“Retirement, in a lot of ways, is like being a kid again.”

“Why? There’s nothing I want to talk about.”

When should you start the Other Talk?

“See, I can still handle just about anything!”

“I’ll get to it... when the time is right”

When should you start the Other Talk?

O.M.G.

“Tim, I think it’s time to have that talk!”

Consequences of waiting until the Waterfall - time frame is compressed - options are limited - everyone around you is freaking out

When should you start the Other Talk?

Understanding the older generation

The Rose Garden Exit Strategy

“ “ Everything will turn out just fine, so we don’t need to talk about it.”

Emotional Obstacles

Denial

Emotional Obstacles Denial Role reversal

Role Reversal For the Parent I’m about to lose control of the life and lifestyle that I’ve worked so hard to create for myself and my spouse

Role Reversal For the Parent I’m about to lose control of the life and lifestyle that I’ve worked so hard to create for myself and my spouse For the Kids I need to start taking responsibility for my parents life: physically, financially, socially

Emotional Obstacles Denial Role reversal Loss of control

Changing the Perception of the Communication

Change the transaction Kids’ intervention

Change the transaction Kids’ intervention Parent initiative

Parent Initiative Take the initiative now while you can still lead the discussion Don’t wait for a crisis to hit to have The Other Talk

Change the dynamic Taking Control or Losing Control

Change the dynamic Taking Control orSharing Control Losing Control

Change the focus End of life

Change the focus End of lifeRest of your Life

Change the focus End of lifeRest of your Life Surrendering

Change the focus End of lifeRest of your Life SurrenderingActively planning

Change the focus End of lifeRest of your Life SurrenderingActively planning Confrontation

Change the focus End of lifeRest of your Life SurrenderingActively planning ConfrontationCollaboration

Preparing for The Other Talk

Commit to full disclosure

Preparing for The Other Talk Commit to full disclosure Get your documents in order

Key Information for The Other Talk binder Financial Housing Medical End of Life

Preparing for The Other Talk Commit to full disclosure Get your documents in order Work out Decisions with Spouse

Discussion points with Spouse Consensus/working POV on shared decisions Consensus/working POV on shared decisions Philosophy on personal decisions Philosophy on personal decisions Working knowledge on individual responsibilities Working knowledge on individual responsibilities

Preparing for The Other Talk Commit to full disclosure Get your documents in order Work out Decisions with Spouse Consider “Third Party transaction”

Third Party transaction Parent Adult children

Third Party Transaction Parent The Other Talk Adult Children The Other Talk

Turning the Other Talk into an Action Plan

Financing your uncertain future Selecting the best living arrangement Getting the medical care you need Taking charge at the end of your life

Turning the Other Talk into an Action Plan Financing your uncertain future

Financial Planning made easy “ I want the last check I write before I die

Financial Planning made easy “ I want the last check I write before I die to bounce!”

Retirement expectations My spending in retirement will: Perception Decrease 56% Stay the same 36 Increase 8

Retirement expectations My spending in retirement will: Perception Reality Decrease 56% 36% Stay the same Increase 8 22

Turning the Other Talk into an Action Plan Financing your uncertain future

Creating a framework for an Unpredictable Future “What if” scenarios

Personal Goals in Retirement What will each of them cost? How will you prioritize them? What’s your time frame for each?

Personal Goals in Retirement What do I want to accomplish? What am I able to do, financially and physically?

Creating a framework for an Unpredictable Future “What if” scenarios Personal Goals Financial Power of Attorney

Creating a framework for an Unpredictable Future “What if” scenarios Personal Goals Financial Power of Attorney Family orientation meetings

Turning the Other Talk into an Action Plan Financing your uncertain future Selecting the best living arrangement

Turning the Other Talk into an Action Plan Financing your uncertain future Selecting the best living arrangement Getting the medical care you need

utilization by 65+ Healthcare utilization by % of hospital care 44% of hospital care 38% of emergency room 38% of emergency room 35% of prescriptions 35% of prescriptions 26% of doctor visits 26% of doctor visits

Healthcare utilization by % of hospital care 44% of hospital care 38% of emergency room 38% of emergency room 35% of prescriptions 35% of prescriptions 26% of doctor visits 26% of doctor visits 13% of population 13% of population

Turning the Other Talk into an Action Plan Financing your uncertain future Selecting the best living arrangement Getting the medical care you need Taking charge at the end of your life

Documents for taking charge Advanced directives Advanced directives Will and trusts Will and trusts POA Financial and Medical POA Financial and Medical POLST POLST Five Wishes Five Wishes Funeral instructions Funeral instructions

When is the right time to have The Other Talk?

What can happen if you don’t?

What can happen if you do?