1Chapter 7: Relationships

Each person in the relationship  has a separate identity  is able to give and receive honest and respectful feedback  assumes responsibility for his or her own level of happiness  actively works at keeping the relationship alive 2Chapter 7: Relationships

Each person in the relationship  enjoys being with the other and is considered an equal  finds meaning and sources of nourishment outside the relationship  is growing and changing and moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful 3Chapter 7: Relationships

Each person in the relationship  encourages the other to become all they are capable of becoming rather than being controlling  does not expect the other to do for him or her what he or she is capable of doing  has a commitment to the other 4Chapter 7: Relationships

A few tips in dealing with anger :  Value the recognition and expression of anger  Express anger in a way that does not assassinate another’s character  Don’t hold on to anger or nurse grudges 5Chapter 7: Relationships

A few tips in dealing with anger :  Recognize danger signs when anger gets in the way of relationships  Talk more about yourself than about what is wrong with the other person  Decide when it is better not to express anger 6Chapter 7: Relationships

 Conflict can be a healthy sign of individual differences  If conflict emerges, keep the following points in mind:  If you confront a person, know why  View confrontation as a caring act  Accept responsibility for your own feelings 7Chapter 7: Relationships

 If conflict emerges, keep the following points in mind:  Tell others how you are struggling with them  Don’t walk away from conflict  Be open to forgiving others who have hurt you  Be willing to forgive yourself 8Chapter 7: Relationships

 Intimate partner violence or domestic abuse involves exerting power and control over others  It can take the form of physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, or economic abuse  Abusers use tactics to increase their victim’s dependence on them  If you believe you are in an abusive relationship, exercise great caution in how you interact with your partner Chapter 7: Relationships9

 Victims may rationalize their choice to stay by saying that their situation is not so bad and is likely to improve  Victims often excuse their partner’s behavior and find fault with themselves for bringing about the abuse  Victims may have legitimate concerns for their safety and the safety of their loved ones if they leave  College counseling centers, community agencies, and hotlines offer services to assist victims of intimate partner abuse Chapter 7: Relationships10

 Hearing only what you want to hear  Being overly concerned about getting your point across  Silently rehearsing what you will say as you are “listening”  Becoming overly defensive  Making assumptions about the other person without checking them out 11Chapter 7: Relationships

 The social networking phenomenon has truly changed what it means to have “friends”  Although there are many advantages to social networking, be aware of the level of risk you are incurring by disclosing personal information online Chapter 7: Relationships12

 A potential advantage of using an online dating service is that it offers a mechanism for matching for compatibility  Relationships that develop online often move successfully to the offline realm  In some online relationships, intimacy is developed more rapidly than in face-to-face relationships, resulting in hyperpersonal relationships Chapter 7: Relationships13

 Many people in same-sex relationships experience discrimination and oppression  Just as same-sex marriage has generated strong opposition in some states, rules regarding adoption of children by same-sex couples vary from state to state  Homophobia, the irrational fear of homosexual people and strong negative attitudes about homosexuality, sometimes leads to hate crimes 14Chapter 7: Relationships

 Cross-cultural attitudes toward homosexuality range from condemnation to acceptance  Gay-affirmative therapy helps individuals accept their sexual identity and learn strategies to deal with those in society who harbor prejudice toward them  The gay pride movement is actively challenging the social stigma attached to sexual identity 15Chapter 7: Relationships

 Allow yourself the time to grieve  Express your anger without violence  Take responsibility for your own part in the relationship  Find a support network 16Chapter 7: Relationships

 Take care of other aspects of your life  Make use of writing in your journal  Be willing to forgive — both yourself and the other person  Seek closure and learn from the experience 17Chapter 7: Relationships