Listening is the highest compliment one can pay to another human being. Listening attentively (actively ): shows respect. builds trust. cements relationships.
“Listening” involves an awareness of: Words (what) + Tone of voice (how) + Body language (how) What kind of behavior do you do when you’re not listening? Look away Do two things at once Show looks of disapproval Fidget Slouch Respond with disdain, sarcasm, or defensiveness
What is Active Listening? Active Listening means that you seeking to understand. You make sure that you are getting the correct message without passing judgment. It includes “Opening the door” to good conversation Drawing out a speaker with questions Reflecting feeling that you hear and see Paraphrasing to capture content
Opening door to good conversation shows an interest…. But it must be done sincerely, without judgment. “I see” “Right” “Uh huh”… “Okay” “Sure” “Yeah” “Yes” “Wow” “Really?”
Probing with open-ended comments / questions draws the speaker out. Ask to – –Show interest (I’d like to hear your opinion on this.” –Encourage more explanation (What do you think the problem is?) –Keep the person talking (Tell me more…)
Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear. This is particularly useful when the person’s tone of voice or gestures don’t match her words. OR just as a check… –“Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR –“I sense you’ve become worried. Is that so?” Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine” (when she actually looks very upset)… Reflecting, you say –“You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your voice, you seem upset, correct?”
PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content. EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right” OR CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening.
Use paraphrasing to: Avoid confusion (It sounds like…) Bring out the speaker’s intent (Let me see if I heard you right…) Confirm understanding (Are you saying that…?) See situation as speaker sees it (In other words, what you mean is…)
Remember that the objective of all of this is increase understanding of the other’s point of view, not necessarily to agree with it or support it.
Test your knowledge of Active Listening by answering the following multiple choice question : I am a student in Architecture and am aggravated with my roommate because I need him to help more around the apartment. We both go to school full time, but I am always the one to cook dinner, clean, shop, pick up after him. Sometimes I just want to tell him to get his lazy self out!! I'm doing all the work anyway. I may as well live alone. Select your Active Listening response from the 3 given below. A)I understand why you’ be upset, but kicking your roommate out is a rather drastic measure to get his attention in my opinion. B)I’d dump him if I were you. He sounds like a lazy jerk. C)You’re feeling frustrated with your roommate because he doesn’t help much with household chores. Is that correct?