1 Communication and Relational Dynamics Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Chapter Summary Why We Form Relationships Relational Development and Maintenance Communication About Relationships Metacommunication

2 Why We Form Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Relationships Appearance Especially important in the early stages of the relationship The physically attractive are more likely to be seen as desirable. Similarity We like people who are similar to us. Friends with equally low levels of communication skills are just as satisfied as those with high levels. Attraction is greatest when people are similar in a high percentage of important areas.

3 Why We Form Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Relationships Complementarity Differences strengthen a relationship when they’re complementary. Partners decide who will control which area. Reciprocal Attraction We like people who like us...most of the time. People who approve of us bolster our self-esteem.

4 Why We Form Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Relationships Competence We like to be around talented people. Those who are too competent intimidate us. The best way to gain the liking of others is to be good at what you do and admit your mistakes. Disclosure Revealing information about yourself can help build liking. When people share private information, it’s a sign of respect. The key to satisfying self-disclosure is reciprocity.

5 Why We Form Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Relationships Proximity We develop relationships with those with whom we share space. In many cases, proximity leads to liking. On the other side, familiarity can also breed contempt. Rewards Social Exchange Theory We often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter when dealing with them. Rewards – Costs = Outcome

6 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Models of Relational Development Developmental Models Knapp’s Ten Stages fit into three phases. FIGURE 8.1 Page 272

7 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Models of Relational Development Initiating Communication during this stage is usually brief. Making polite conversation and sharing innocuous conversations Experimenting Deciding whether this person is worth pursuing further Uncertainty reduction Intensifying The interpersonal relationship truly begins to develop.

8 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Models of Relational Development Integrating Relationship strengthens. Couples begin to take on an identity as a social unit. They begin spending major holidays together. Bonding Symbolic public gestures show togetherness. Commitment is usually increased in this stage. Being together is now relied upon.

9 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Models of Relational Development Differentiating Once the bonding phase has ended, differentiation occurs. The “we” orientation begins to shift to “I” orientation. Differentiation is likely to occur when the relationship experiences stress for the first time. Circumscribing Communication between members decreases. Both quality and quantity are affected.

10 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Models of Relational Development Stagnating If Circumscribing continues, relationship enters stagnating stage. The relationship becomes a shell of what it once was. Avoiding When the relationship becomes unpleasant, avoidance occurs. Making the effort to stay away from the other person is evident. Terminating Summary dialogues and eventually termination

11 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Models of Relational Development Other models offer for a less sequential approach FIGURE 8.3 Page 278

12 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Dialectical Perspectives Connection vs. Autonomy No one is an island. All of us have different needs. Openness vs. Privacy We need to disclose. We also need a level of privacy. Predictability vs. Novelty

13 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Dialectical Perspectives Managing Dialectical Tensions Denial Disorientation Alternation Segmentation Balance Integration Recalibration Reaffirmation

14 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Characteristics of Relationships Relationships are constantly changing: Even the strongest relationships are unstable from time to time. There is no such thing as “happily ever after.” Relationships are affected by culture. FIGURE 8.4 Page 283

15 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Characteristics of Relationships Relationships Require Maintenance Communication accounts for as much as 80% of the difference between satisfying relationships and unsatisfying ones. Five Strategies Positivity Openness Assurances Social networks Sharing tasks

16 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Repairing Relationships Minor vs. Significant Recognize when a problem is easy to solve. Social vs. Relational Some transgressions violate social rules. Deliberate vs. Unintentional Transgressions are not always intentional. One-time vs. Incremental

17 Relational Development and Maintenance Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Repairing Relationships Strategies for Relational Repair Talk about the transgression. Apologies offer no guarantee the problem will go away. Apologies will be convincing only if succinct with nonverbal behaviors matching words spoken. Forgiving Transgressions Forgiving others has personal and relational benefits. Remember some transgressions are harder to forgive than others.

18 Communicating About Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Repairing Relationships Content and Relational Messages Content = the subject being discussed Relational = how the parties feel toward one another Both verbal and nonverbal messages have relational dimensions. Sometimes we are unaware of these relational messages.

19 Communicating About Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Repairing Relationships Affinity The degree to which people like or appreciate one another. Not all affinity messages are positive. Immediacy The degree of interest and attention that we feel toward others. It is possible to like someone without being immediate with them. There are time when a low degree of intensity can be valuable.

20 Communicating About Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Repairing Relationships Respect Love does not always denote respect. Respect is very important within interpersonal relationships. Being respected is a vital ingredient of self-esteem. Control The degree to which parties in the relationship have influence. Healthy relationships manage the degree of control. Partners should try to share power equally when issues are important to both.

21 Communicating About Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Metacommunication Metacommunication The term used to describe messages people exchange about their relationships – communication about their communication Whenever we discuss relationships with others, we are metacommunicating. Not just a tool for handling problems but a way to reinforce satisfying aspects of the relationship

22 Communication and Relational Dynamics Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Chapter Summary Why We Form Relationships Relational Development and Maintenance Communication About Relationships Metacommunication