A Christian Parent’s Role in Helping Their Children Find a Spouse

II. Sociological Trends in America

Something Big Happened in The Sixties America changed from a Christian nation to a post- Christian nation.

The statistics on divorce in America are staggering:  In 1935 sixteen percent of American divorced  In 1998 the number had increased to 51 percent

The no-fault divorce:  Before 1969, grounds for divorce were required.  California first in many things, introduced the no- fault divorce.  Four out of five marriages are ended unilaterally.

Couples living together:  Live-in couples have gone up tenfold (1,000% increase) from 1960 to  Today, more than half of couples that marry live together first.

 40% of people who live together break up before marriage.  Marriages that started with cohabitation have a greater than 50% chance of ending in divorce than those couples who did not live together first.  Today there is little shame in cohabitation

Jesus was not soft on the Samaritan woman at the well when He revealed her cohabitation in John 4:17-18.

The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, 'I have no husband'; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly. " John 4:17-18

Happiness Factor… In June of 2002, a University of Rutgers report found that cohabitating couples express lower levels of happiness, sexual exclusivity and poorer relationships with parents than married couples.

Sexual habits among singles:  Premarital sex commonplace  “Friends with benefits” College kids having casual sex with friends.  In the Bible, being a virgin before marriage is of great honor. In the world, it is a laughable offense.

III. Impact of Divorce on Our Nation

God on protecting the marriage union:  God hates divorce "For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel" Malachi 2:16

 Adultery violated the marital bond and got the death penalty (Lev. 20:10); while premarital sex generally resulted in a shot gun wedding (Ex. 22:16-17).  Hardness of heart is a key element in divorce (Matthew 19:8).

Why is Divorce Destructive? God is all about relationship. The most important relationship in the universe is between a person and the Lord. When this relationship is broken, horrible consequences occur.

The second most important relationship in the universe is between a person and their spouse. Likewise when this relationship is broken horrible consequences occur.

IV. The Two Extreme Models in Finding a Marriage Partner

Love American Style  The Hollywood romance fallacy: Love is something that one falls into.  Emphasis: Love is a feeling.  Infatuation mixed up with love.

 Remember the show, Love Boat? It was full of infatuational love.  Children now select a mate often without any input from their parents and then announce it. – Scene from “Father of the Bride.”

Love Traditional Style  Arranged marriages in the Bible:  Emphasis: Love is a choice and based on commitment. Love is an acquired taste in marriage.

 The parents, family and friends are intimately involved in either selecting the mate or blessing the marriage.

There has to be something in between an arrange marriage and your child saying, “Hi mom and dad, I would like you to meet my fiancé.”

V. A Strategic Plan for Christian Parents

1. Raise your children in the Lord. 2. Pray earnestly for your children’s spiritual condition and their future spouse and your future grandchildren way before they are born.

3. Teach them about marriage. By the way, you teach them whether you realize it or not. Your model of marriage overrides anything you might say. 4. Teach them how destructive America philosophy of romance and dating is.

5. Teach them about the importance of parental blessing in a marriage. If a potential mate does not get your approval it should not be a done deal. If a potential mate does not get your approval it should not be a done deal. If you child rejects your blessing and marries anyways, should you attend the wedding? If you child rejects your blessing and marries anyways, should you attend the wedding?

6. Your children’s friend’s blessing is also important. They have access to a different side of your child’s potential mate. 7. Teach them about commitment 8. Pre-marital counseling is crucial in preparing people for marriage.

9. Ask your children, “With all the divorce in the world, what will you do differently?” 10. Realize the free-will factor. The best you can do is like flying a remote control airplane with a remote that has weak batteries. Some signals you send will get through but perhaps not all.