A Smile All His Own A Mother’s Journey with her Cleft Affected Child By: Lisa Webster

Dedicated to: Landon Grey Webster For teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love.

“Today is going to change everything for us Chris. We’ll be able to decide how to decorate the nursery,start buying blue or pink baby clothes, it will even help us make a decision on a name.”, I chattered anxiously while we made our way to the doctor’s office. Chris seemed to be calm but I know he was just as excited as I was. We had our first ultrasound during the fourth month of our pregnancy but it was only able to show us a cute little baby butt. The curiosity was killing me so I begged the doctor to let us try it again and at six months he finally gave in. Little did we know that ultrasound would change everything for us, but the changes were not the ones we were expecting.

As his image appeared on the monitor our hearts jumped for joy when we heard the words, “It’s a boy!” Secretly, Chris and I both wanted a boy but until that moment neither one of us had realized how much. Then all of our happiness turned to fear in a matter of minutes. As the doctor moved the Doppler around on my belly an image of a tiny face appeared. We didn’t see the problem at first, but the worrisome look on the doctors face revealed something was wrong. Our hearts sank as he told us that our baby had a birth defect. I had known a boy with cleft lip/palate as a child. His face was disfigured, his speech was was unintelligible and he was an outsider at school. And now, my son would be doomed for the same fate.

It took a while for us to accept that our child was not “perfect”. In time we got over the shock of it all. We immediately began to learn all we could about cleft lip and palate. Below is a diagram of bilateral cleft lip and palate and our sonogram picture. ( Streek Family - Cleft Talk Members

I went through a roller coaster of emotions: Denial: There was no way that my baby had a birth defect. The doctor was wrong, the ultrasound was wrong, and it had all just been a bad dream. Grief: I mourned the loss of a “perfect” baby. Anger: I was mad that God would put my baby and my family through such a horrible ordeal. Guilt: I felt ashamed that I had somehow caused my baby to be deformed. Acceptance: Moving beyond all of the other feelings and beginning to enjoy my pregnancy again. Looking forward to meeting the child that was growing inside of me.

Our bouncing, baby boy came to us a few weeks earlier than expected. Although, I was scared I wouldn’t admit it to anyone. What if I can’t love him the way he deserves to be loved? What if I can’t give him all the things he will need? Now I realize these are questions all mothers ask themselves. As soon as I laid eyes on him he was mine, my perfect little angel. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. His daddy’s eyes, his grandpa’s ears, and my red hair.

Landon Grey Webster What a cutie-pie!! Bentz Family - Cleft Talk Members

Loving Landon has been the easiest thing I have ever done. We have had our little struggles, like finding the right bottles to use, milk squirting out of his nose, and the typical ear infections. But he has taught me more about patience, hope, and perseverance than I could have ever imagined. There are many more obstacles for us to face. We have lip repair surgery, palate repair surgeries, possible orthodontic work to be done, and speech therapy to look forward to. I feel confident that we will make it through all of them with God’s help. Landon is more than just his cleft, his cleft does not define him. He is an adorable, happy, funny little guy who has been nothing less than an inspiration to my life.

»To be continued…

The End