Relationship Development Beyond the Family FT- Ch. 19-1 Understanding Love 19-2 When Is Love Real? Interpersonal Studies TEKS 5, A-D

Understanding Love Objectives Summarize in order the stages of learning to love. Explain how a relationship develops when two people become a couple. Describe the qualities that characterize a positive couple. Explain the role of commitment in a relationship.

Learning to Love The desire to love and to be loved is inborn in nearly everyone; however, you learn to love as you learn to do other things. Learning to love is a lifelong process that begins at birth and good through a series of stages.

Love Discussion Activity What relationship is between a child’s ability to love and having basic needs met? Why are children whose needs aren’t met unlikely to feel loved or able to receive love? What would the long-term impact be? Do you think a person can ever overcome a childhood that lacked love?

Stages in Learning to Love Stage 1: Self-love A person’s first love Stage 2: Love of caregivers Stage 3: Love of peers Stage 4: Hero worship Stage 5: Love of the opposite gender At first, this attraction isn’t specific, they’re general Later, they focus on one individual who catches their attention

Stages in Learning to Love Stage 6: Mature love Involves caring sharing, respect, understanding, trust, and commitment. This is the stage that most people find the hardest to recognize and the most difficult to attain. Since people develop and mature at different rates, not everyone is prepared for a mature love relationship at the same age. Some people never develop enough emotionally to be capable of mature love.

Stages in Learning to Love In this six-stage progression, where do you think most teens are? They’re probably in Stage 5. During this period, young people typically go through steps that take them from group association, to pairing, and eventually to commitment.

Dating TOP 5 Activity In your opinion what are the top 5 reasons people date?

REASONS FOR DATING To learn about yourself To have fun To learn how to get along with others To improve communication skills To learn to be responsible To learn about differences in personalities To improve interpersonal skills To prepare for mate selection and marriage Copyright © Notice: The materials are copyrighted © and trademarked ™ as the property of The Curriculum Center for Family and Consumer Sciences, Texas Tech University. 9

The Dating Route Engagement Being “pinned” or “promised” Steady Dating Casual or Random Dating Group Dating Copyright © Notice: The materials are copyrighted © and trademarked ™ as the property of The Curriculum Center for Family and Consumer Sciences, Texas Tech University.

The Dating Route In your groups answer each question. What is the purpose of each stage? Why is each stage important? Do all individuals go through each stage? Why?

Associating in Groups Why are group activities a good pre-dating situation? Why are mixed peer groups a good setting for the initial attraction amongst teens? What happens if a teen is not part of a same gender peer group? A mixed gender peer group? What impact is lack of group membership apt to have on dating?

Becoming a Couple: Attraction Many people are first attracted to someone for a physical reason. They alone don’t make the person right for you. Personal qualities are more important in a couple relationship, just as they are in marriage. You are more likely to be attracted to those who share some of your interest.

Rewards & Costs of Dating Discussion: What are some rewards and costs of dating? When might a person see more rewards than costs and therefore, decide to date? When might a person refrain from dating because the costs are higher?

Becoming a Couple: Dating What roles does dating have in personal development? Through dating, you can learn to understand others on a deeper level and improve your overall social skills. You prepare for adult life, including the possibility of marriage. It requires that you take responsibility for what you say and do.

Becoming a Couple: Dating Dating poses certain risks: Rejection Embarrassed by mistakes Confused by what people expect

Becoming a Couple: Starting to Date When should couple dating begin? Family rules often dictate the age and conditions. Some people don’t date until they are older. Since people mature a different rates, some are ready before others. Because females mature faster than males, more females than males may be interested in going out. This pattern usually levels off after high school.

Becoming a Couple: Dating Problems Physical Abuse Includes shoving, slapping, punching, or worse. Abusive people see violence as an acceptable way of solving problems. Abusers often feel sorrow afterwards and may promise never to do it again. If the abused partner doesn’t take action, the cycle just begins again. Ending a relationship is the only safe response when abuse surfaces.

Becoming a Couple: Dating Problems Emotional Abuse A person routinely yells and belittles another, making the person feel worthless and fearful. Emotional abuse can lead to lasting problems.

Dating Violence Discussion More than 1:3 college students and 1:10 high school students have experienced dating violence. Females who are violent intend to hurt their partners or say they are acting in self-defense. Males use violence to intimidate or control partners. Couples who resort to violence often have poor conflict-resolution skills. They tend to get angry, blame the partners, and then try to get the partner to change. They resort to insults, swearing, or cold withdrawal to try to control the partner.

Becoming a Couple: Dating Problems Date Rape Rape – forced sexual intercourse It is an act of violence Rape may occur between strangers or people who already know each other Date rape – rape that takes place in a dating situation occurs more frequently than most people realize and often isn’t reported They may mistakenly think it was their fault or that it isn’t rape if they were on a date.

Becoming a Couple: Starting to Date Avoiding Date Rape Avoid risky situations Be careful about where you go Set limits for yourself Know beforehand what behavior is acceptable/unacceptable Communicate Tell partner about limits Recognize disrespectful behavior Be assertive Speak up forcefully, with verbal AND nonverbal language

Becoming a Couple: Looking for Positive Qualities Compatibility Shared interested, values, and attitudes Honesty Respect Mutual support Independence What other traits would you add?

Commitment When couples discover qualities they like, they may agree to date only each other. This is a commitment, but it may not be a long-lasting one. Younger couples may “commit” to one another only for the duration of the relationship. Once they discover that the relationship isn’t right for them, the commitment ends.