AnyName School Year 9 Tutor Time Chelsea’s Choice – Understanding Healthy Relationships

What is said in the room stays in the room. The only exception is if there is a risk to a child’s safety, or disclosure of a criminal act, in which case the teacher will have to report this. Choose your words carefully. Use language that will not offend or upset anyone. When you give an opinion, try to explain your reasons. Listen to the views of others, and show respect. Don’t put anyone on the spot. If you disagree, comment on what was said, not the person who said it. If you’re worried about something that has happened to you or a friend, don’t share it with the whole group, but do make sure you talk to the teacher at the end of the session. If you feel upset or anxious at any point, raise your hand at any time and ask for ‘time out’. Ground Rules

School’s and local authorities have a Duty of Care Safeguarding and Child Protection duties Raising awareness of possible dangers Equipping you with information and knowledge Skills and strategies to keep yourself safe Introduction

Headlines.

Raise awareness amongst young people of the issues surrounding CSE Raise awareness and understanding of the varying forms that CSE and grooming can take Promote an understanding of, and a desire for, Healthy Relationships Sign-post to relevant advice and service providers Learning Objectives:

So What is Child Sexual Exploitation? It’s a type of ABUSE Some adults may try to draw young people into sexual relationships, offering a young person somewhere to stay, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, money, a lift or other gifts in exchange for sexual favours. This is sexual exploitation and can happen to anyone of any gender, race, ability, age or sexual orientation. Although often hidden from mainstream society, it is a significant problem affecting a much larger proportion of young people than is often realised.

In young people’s words “ Someone taking advantage of you sexually, for their own benefit. Through threats, bribes, violence, humiliation or by telling you that they love you, they will have the power to get you to do sexual things for their own or other people’s enjoyment.” [the nia project] Working for the Safety of Women and Children

Myth Child Sexual Exploitation is very rare and doesn’t happen in Brighton and Hove Fact It is much more widespread than most people imagine. In 2008/09, 20% of all police recorded sexual offences were committed against children under the age of 16 years old.1 It is often hidden and can only be uncovered by people being vigilant and reporting their concerns. To ignore the signs is to collude in the abuse! Myth Child Sexual Exploitation only happens to girls and young women Fact It can and does happen to boys and young men as well although the Warning signs that suggest that they are victims are often missed. Boys and young men can also find it more difficult to talk to anybody about what is happening to them. Myth Child Sexual Exploitation only happens to older children, teenagers Fact The average age that young people are most at risk is between 12 and 15, although it can happen older and it can happen younger Facts and Myths about Child Exploitation

Myth Child Sexual Exploitation only happens to children who are in care, who come from a ‘bad’ family, or are of a particular, race, religion or economic background Fact Any child can potentially become a victim. Young people are more at risk if they are ‘vulnerable’ but ‘vulnerability’ can manifest itself in many ways. Naivety is a vulnerability that is easy to exploit! Myth A lot of these ‘exploited’ children are over 16 and have consented to sex. Fact The sexual exploitation of any young person aged under 18 is child abuse and needs to be stopped, or even better, prevented from happening in the first place. Even if a young person ‘seems’ to have given consent it is not ‘true’ consent if they have been manipulated or pressured into giving it. Facts and Myths about Child Exploitation

 Relationships you have experienced up till now  Relationships you encounter as you get older  What do you expect from these?  What is different?  How can you tell? Different types of relationships

Healthy/Unhealthy Relationship Cards Your boyfriend/girlfriend is jealous and possessive He/she rings to check that you arrived home safely He/she is bossy and makes all the decisions He/she respects your limits and boundaries He/she doesn’t take your opinions seriously You make decisions together He/she puts you down in front of friends He/she encourages you to have other friends He/she scares you You feel it is okay to disagree You worry about his/her reactions to things you say or do You really listen to each other's viewpoints and feelings.

Healthy/Unhealthy Relationship Cards He/she threatens you You negotiate when you have conflict - finding a way to compromise so you both get what you need He/she has a history of fighting and loses his/her temper quickly He/she grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you You are happy to do things separately He/she accepts your opinions even when they do not agree with you He/she pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary about sex, saying things like “if you loved me...” He/she gets too serious about the relationship too fast He/She is always trying to tell you what to wear and what you can’t wear when you go out You don't restrict or control each other. You do not expect the other person to solve all your problems or give you everything you are going to need You feel like you need to apologize for his/her behaviour when he/she treats you badly

Pressure to conform or to have sex The pressure sex one-liner What’s your comeback line? “If you loved me you’d let me” “Everybody is doing it” “What’s wrong with you” “What are you afraid of” “No one has to know” “Come on, just this once” “I promise, we’ll use a condom every time” “If you were a real woman, you’d do it”

Chelsea’s Choice Trailer

Plenary: Discuss Themes From Chelsea’s Choice  Power and control  Low self esteem and vulnerability  Fear and dependency  Manipulation and coercion = Exploitations and Abuse Be aware Be safe Have skills and strategies Be Wise

What can you do ? Tell any adult you trust – a member of staff at school, it doesn’t have to be a teacher, a family member or friend, or you can contact somebody at the WISE Project The WISE Project is local and is based in Hove It aims to help people who may have experienced sexual exploitation or who are at risk of it To find out more about The WISE Project or if you are experiencing or know someone who may be experiencing sexual exploitation please get in touch. Call Helen on or

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Be Wise: Look after yourself and others