Friendships & Dating Relationships

This lesson will introduce the concept of self- disclosure within a relationship. You will learn about four areas of awareness and how they affect the quality of the bond that develops between people.

You will learn how four areas of self-disclosure affect relationships You will evaluate your own comfort levels for self- disclosure You will identify components of communication within the four areas

Trust is the basis of self-disclosure Individuals must be willing and able to self-disclose at the same level in order for the relationship to progress forward Feeling comfortable with ones self is an important aspect of sharing with others People self-disclose more easily in an emotionally safe environment Genuine self-disclosure takes practice

Write your name. Write down 3 things about yourself that no one else in the room is likely to know about you. The cards will be read aloud to the group. Favorite movie, childhood experience, family structure, etc. HAND IN YOUR CARD TO THE TEACHER

I’ll read the cards individually to the class. You need to try and identify the person in the room who wrote the card. If you guess correctly, you get their card in order to keep score

Share a sheet of paper with someone who has their birthday in the same month of yours and tear it in ½. Write your answers to these questions. How easy was it for you to think of things to share with the group? Why do you feel this way? How comfortable are you with letting others know things about you that they didn’t know before? Are you equally interested in getting to know more about someone else? Why might how you feel help or hinder the growth in a relationship?

You will be learning about the Johari Window. You’ll be introduced to the four areas of self-disclosure that affect closeness in a relationship.

Developing an emotional bond with another person requires trust that develops over time. Trust between friends and dating partners is the base of self-disclosure…allowing others to see more of our inner person

There are risks to self-disclosure: 1) One or both people don’t like what’s revealed and lose interest 2) One or both people might discover that they don’t want to disclose at the same level (not mutual) 3) One person feels vulnerable when the other doesn’t disclose as much information

Building a relationship with another person requires both individuals to self-disclose. This can be difficult initially because there is always a threat that the other person may not like what is revealed and then reject us. For every person there is a PERSONAL side and a PRIVATE side. Being willing to show others who you really are takes courage and practice. The Johari Window is sometimes used to illustrate how individuals interact with one another.

Pane 1: OPEN Area of information that is known to others and known to myself. This is general information that is accessible to everyone. Area of information that is known to others and known to myself. This is general information that is accessible to everyone. This information is comfortable to talk about and opens the door for a relationship to begin. This information is comfortable to talk about and opens the door for a relationship to begin. Name, age, school, family, etc. Name, age, school, family, etc. Pane 2: BLIND Pane 3: HIDDENPane 4: MYSTERY

Pane 2: BLIND Area where others see things but the individual is less aware of them Area where others see things but the individual is less aware of them Things people are blind to may include: habits, personality characteristics, what motivates you Things people are blind to may include: habits, personality characteristics, what motivates you Pane 1: OPEN Pane 3: HIDDENPane 4: MYSTERY

Pane 3: HIDDEN Things that are known by the individual but are intentionally kept away from others. Things that are known by the individual but are intentionally kept away from others. People are often less willing to discuss early in a relationship because it’s risky. People are often less willing to discuss early in a relationship because it’s risky. Including: past experiences, deeper feelings, future goals, hobbies, interests, etc. Including: past experiences, deeper feelings, future goals, hobbies, interests, etc. Pane 1: OPENPane 2: BLIND Pane 4: MYSTERY

Areas of self that nobody is aware of. Areas of self that nobody is aware of. May include: early childhood experiences, WHY you behave in certain ways (culture, family beliefs, etc.), what you will do in the future May include: early childhood experiences, WHY you behave in certain ways (culture, family beliefs, etc.), what you will do in the future Pane 1: OPENPane 2: BLIND Pane 3: HIDDEN

The size of each pane is different for different people. For most people, the HIDDEN PANE is the biggest early in a relationship. We feel the need to protect our secrets, our feelings and emotions.

As Pane 1: OPEN gets larger, Pane 3: HIDDEN gets smaller information gets easier to share. In a relationship, what do you think could happen if they don’t add more information into the OPEN PANE? OPEN HIDDEN BLIND MYSTERY OPEN HIDDEN OPEN HIDDEN

The BLIND PANE & MYSTERY PANE take a lot more intimacy and maturity to make grow. Until someone feels emotionally safe, they will not try to look at those panes. What makes these panes so uncomfortable to discuss? OPEN HIDDEN BLIND MYSTERY

With your “desk partner”, discuss the following and start making notes for your JOHARI WINDOW that you’ll create today. 1. In the window, list categories of information that might be found in each of the panes. 2. Using the single box, decide how you would divide the four panes to best describe your own ability to self-disclose with others you would consider to be casual friends (refer to notes from yesterday)

Pane 4: MYSTERY Areas of self that nobody is aware of. Areas of self that nobody is aware of. May include: early childhood experiences, WHY you behave in certain ways (culture, family beliefs, etc.), what you will do in the future May include: early childhood experiences, WHY you behave in certain ways (culture, family beliefs, etc.), what you will do in the future Pane 3: HIDDEN Things that are known by the individual but are intentionally kept away from others. Things that are known by the individual but are intentionally kept away from others. People are often less willing to discuss early in a relationship because it’s risky. People are often less willing to discuss early in a relationship because it’s risky. Including: past experiences, deeper feelings, future goals, hobbies, interests, etc. Including: past experiences, deeper feelings, future goals, hobbies, interests, etc. Pane 2: BLIND Area where others see things but the individual is less aware of them Area where others see things but the individual is less aware of them Things people are blind to may include: habits, personality characteristics, what motivates you Things people are blind to may include: habits, personality characteristics, what motivates you Pane 1: OPEN Area of information that is known to others and known to myself. This is general information that is accessible to everyone. Area of information that is known to others and known to myself. This is general information that is accessible to everyone. This information is comfortable to talk about and opens the door for a relationship to begin. This information is comfortable to talk about and opens the door for a relationship to begin. Name, age, school, family, etc. Name, age, school, family, etc.