The Reality of Loss Regis Jesuit High School Boys Division May 2012

Grief and loss Grief and loss can be said to be part of every human life although the meaning of this experience and responses to it are unique. Each of us will grieve in our own unique way for the unique loss that we have suffered. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person’s unique feelings of grief and loss will be influenced by the culture and society in which they live.

Grief and loss While usually connected with death, grief and loss can occur in many other ways; The end of a relationship without one of the partners dying Loss of a job Change in circumstances due to illness Loss of independence Not getting a promotion/passing an exam Break up of a family/ divorce/ girlfriend Death of a pet Miscarriage/Infertility

Purpose of Grief …this is not a process which can be rushed. It is about integrating the changed circumstances into the survivor’s ongoing life.

Responses to Grief & Loss Physical responses Weakness, loss of appetite/comfort eating, feelings of choking, shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, dry mouth, gastrointestinal disturbances Increased alcohol intake, smoking excessively Fatigue, exhaustion and insomnia Excessive tearfulness/not crying at all Increased vulnerability to physical & mental illness

Responses to Grief & Loss Cognitive responses Preoccupation with the deceased Having conversations with the deceased Picking up the telephone to tell them something Difficulty concentrating complete lapses of focus or orientation to time/person/place Difficulty remembering (short term memory) Seeking or longing for the lost person/object Hallucinations Momentary glimpses of the deceased Auditory messages perceived to be spoken by the deceased

Responses to Grief & Loss Behavioural responses Inability to perform basic activities of daily living Washing & dressing Communication Eating and drinking Disorganised behaviour Inability to cope with children Neglecting household chores Not paying bills Not doing homework/ studying for tests Intense sense of isolation

Responses to Grief & Loss Affective Responses Sadness, loneliness, hopelessness Intense irritability, little tolerance Anger Anger at family & friends, at the deceased, God, the world, yourself Guilt: the starring role At what we did/didn’t do “I should have...” Range of emotions are wide, everyone will experience different ones

How do I respond to Grief? Understand that grieving has no time limit. There is no “right way” to grieve. Talk to those around you who love you Journal Take time alone if needed Take one day at a time. Try not to hide from your emotions- if your sad be sad. If your happy be happy! Ask for help! Family, teachers, friends and counseling are all here to assist you

Grief and Loss Community Resources Colorado Department of Human Services Division of Mental Health West Princeton Circle, Denver, CO or Footprints Children’s Grief Center The Caring Connection (referrals to various organizations)- gwww.caringconnection.or g

Grief and Loss Community Resources HeartLight Center Inc. (grief support) Judi’s House (grief support for children & families) Project CASE (suicide & grief support)

“I finally understand what life is about: it is about losing everything. Losing the baby who becomes a child, the child who becomes an adult, like the trees loose their leaves. So every morning we must celebrate what we have. Isabel Allende, 1995