CHAPTER 9, PART THREE Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships, continued… Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Section 4 MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH COMMUNICATION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Consider this…  “Communication involved in maintaining relationships may not always be exciting, but handling it effectively accounts for as much as 80% of the difference between satisfying and unsatisfying relationships.” Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Content and Relational Messages  Every message, verbal and nonverbal, has a second relational dimension which makes statements about how communicators feel toward one another.  We are unaware of the relational messages that bombard us every day. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Expression of Relational Messages  How could you act while saying, “Can you help me for a minute?” while communicating the following relationships:  Superiority  Helplessness  Friendliness  Sexual desire  Irritation  Aloofness Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Expression of Relational Messages  Metacommunication: Messages that refer to other messages.  It is sometimes necessary to talk about your communication with another person.  Why is metacommunication considered “taboo” in some relationships? Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Relational Maintenance Strategies  Stafford and Canary: Five strategies for maintaining romantic relationships: 1. Positivity 2. Openness 3. Assurances 4. Sharing tasks 5. Social networks Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Repairing Damaged Relationships  The strongest relationships hit a bumpy patch.  Relational transgressions: When one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Types of Relational Transgressions  Minor versus significant  Social versus relational  Deliberate versus unintentional  One-time versus incremental Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Strategies for Relational Repair  Talk about the violation.  Send clear, assertive “I- messages”  Ask questions and listen nondefensively to the answers  Apologize in three parts:  Acknowledge that the transgression was wrong  Sincerely apologize  Discuss compensation, “I’ll never do that again.”  Nonverbal behavior must match words. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Forgiving Transgressions  Research:  Transgressors who are forgiven are less likely to repeat their offenses.  Recall times that you have needed others’ forgiveness.  Try nonverbal behaviors, as well as discussion. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

END OF SECTION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.