COMMUNICATION& INTERPERSONAL SKILLS Dr. Vidhu Gaur 1

Listening & Feedback 2

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 The Benefits of better listening  The Role of ineffective listening habits  An Inventory of poor listening habits  Developing good listening habits  The five essential skills of active listening  A system for improving your listening habits 4

“Listening is a learnable skill. Unfortunately, it is not typically taught along with other communication skills at home or in school” 5

Communication is very valuable for success in any business An average person spends 70% of each day in communication 45%30%16%9% ListeningSpeaking Reading Writing 6 Professor Nichols & Stevens of university of Minnesota

Listening is hard work “If you are not motivated to work at listening, you are not likely to improve” 7 Adults spend > ½ of their communication listening “ faster heart action, quicker circulation of blood and a small rise in bodily temperature ”

It is merely an involuntary physical response to the environment It is a process of hearing, attending to, understanding, evaluating and responding to spoken messages! 8

Kathy Thompson: Fast world Wick chambers: Its fun to talk!! Sheila Bentley: Poor listeners? 9

Poor listening leads to disaster Misunderstood instructions!! Star bucks- techniques to hear orders (“double-shot-decaf-grande iced half skimmed vanilla dry cappuccino”) (“size- flavouring-milk, decaf”) 10

Few benefits from becoming a good listener : Increased knowledge Job success Improved interpersonal relationships Self protection 11

Reasons to improve your listening: Listening demonstrates acceptance Listening promotes problem solving Listening increases the speaker’s receptiveness to the thoughts and ideas of others Listening increases the self esteem of other person Listening helps you overcome self consciousness and self centeredness Listening can help to prevent head-on emotional collisions 12

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Being preoccupied with talking, not listening Calling the subject uninteresting Letting bias or prejudice distort the message you hear Over simplifying answers or explanations Yielding to external distractions Yielding to internal distractions 15

Avoiding difficult or demanding material Rationalizing poor listening Criticizing the speakers delivery Jumping to conclusions Getting over stimulated Assigning the wrong meaning to words 16

Listening only for the facts Trying to make an outline of everything we hear Faking attention to the speaker Letting emotion-laden words throw us off the track Resisting the temptation to interrupt Wasting the differential between the rate at which we speak and the rate at which we think. 17

18 Stop talking One conversation at a time Empathize with the person speaking Ask questions Don’t interrupt Show interest Give your undivided attention

19 Evaluate facts and evidence React to ideas, not to the speaker Wishing doesn’t make it so Listen for what is not said Listen to how something is said Share the responsibility for communication

Paraphrase others as they speak eg: “ if I understand you correctly, what you are saying is money is not the only motivating factor..” Reflect feelings eg: “ you are not very confident are you?” Reflect meaning eg: “when you say you need help with this project, am I Correct in assuming you mean you will require additional support Staff, particularly in the start-up phase’’ 20

Reflect conclusions Eg: “so, considering the cost of the upgrade and our other immediate needs, am I right in assuming you are not in favor of the purchase? ” Follow through eg: “unless you take steps that show your employees that you’ve listened to them and intend to take action, they will never speak again. 21

Review your listening inventory Recognize your undesirable listening habits During one-on-one conversation with employees, during meetings with Colleagues and co-workers. Refuse to tolerate undesirable habits Replace undesirable habits with effective ones don’t simply tell yourself you wont day-dream during a lecture; work out a system to use the spare time effectively. 22

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Giving and receiving feedback Guidelines for constructive feedback Knowing when not to give feedback Knowing how to give effective feedback Knowing how to receive feedback 24

Giving and receiving feedback Good feedback doesn’t just happen… It’s the product of careful, deliberate communication strategies, coupled with good interpersonal communication skills 25

Acknowledge the need for feedback Give both positive and negative feedback Understand the context Provide definitions Use a common language Guidelines for constructive feedback 26

Don’t assume Focus on behavior other than people eg : “these trip reports need additional information” is substantially less threatening than saying “why cant you fill out a trip report correctly?” Know when to give feedback eg : “I want others to hear if I tell someone they’ve done a wonderful job, because I want that person to be recogonized” Know how to give feedback 27

Not knowing much about the circumstances Hit and run feedback is not fair Feedback is about something the person has no power to change Either you or the other person is low in self-esteem Purpose of the feedback is to make the other person feel inferior to yourself Time and place for the feedback is not appropriate 28

Be descriptive -Relate, as objectively as possible with the work of the person -Give specific examples, the more recent, the better Be objective Don’t use labels -Be clear, specific and definitive Don’t exaggerate -Exaggeration leads to argument 29

Don’t be judgmental - Judgmental attitude creates divide among employee Speak for yourself -Take responsibility for your own job, but don’t attempt to speak on others’ behalf Talk first about yourself, not about the other person: - Use the word I or the word we as the subject, not the word you - For e.g. a) You are frequently late for meetings. b) I feel annoyed when you are late for meetings. 30

Restrict your feedback to things you know for certain: Speak only of what you saw and heard and what you feel or think Feedback based on speculation or second-hand information is very destructive Make sure of what you know and then act on it Build trust: Feedback readily accepted when it comes from a trusted source Psychological research shows that persuasive messages from a trusted source produce greater impact and longer lasting results Skillful managers establish useful working relationships and build long-term trust Help people hear and accept the compliments when giving positive feedback: Reinforce the positive feedback Help the person hear it, acknowledge it and accept it 31

Phrase the issue as a statement, not as a question: Consider the two statements- a) When are you going to stop being late for meetings? b) We can’t begin the meeting on time when you are late. Encourage people to change: a) People can’t change basic personality preferences as shyness or openness b) Change the behavioral outcomes that affect the workplace. For e.g.- Leaving a set of sensitive documents scattered across the desktop. 32

When reacting to feedback: Breathe Listen carefully Ask questions for clarity Acknowledge the feedback Acknowledge valid points Don’t be defensive Try to understand others’ objective Take time out to sort out what you heard 33

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