Siblings

SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS How can a sibling relationship be a positive part of a family? Role models Supporters Members of a coalition for dealing with parents.

SIBLING ROLES Playmates and Companions Teachers and Learners Protectors and dependants Adversaries Role Models

Roles Knowing and understanding role assignments and assumptions can be beneficial because the child's role often persists in adulthood. The role affects one's thinking about themselves, relationships to others, and behavior. There are generally four roles: the hero, the scapegoat, the lost child and the mascot.

Roles Oftentimes, the oldest child is assigned and assumes the role of "hero." The hero is characterized as: being a leader, getting good grades, volunteering to help, involved in many activities, overly mature and a perfectionist. The scapegoat is the child who is frequently wrongly blamed for all the family's problems. The scapegoat cooperates with the assignment by acting out. He may do poorly in school and be a risk taker and pleasure seeker. In teen years, he may develop an addiction. The lost child role is characterized as a loner, who retreats into their own world to avoid meaningful relationships. He tries to go unnoticed and will not volunteer an opinion. The mascot role is characterized as being the class clown. On the outside, he tries to appear happy-go-lucky but is often fearful and anxious. He has superficial relationships, and can be hyper-energetic.

Next to the parent-child relationship, the sibling relationship is probably the strongest. Enjoy deep sharing. Teaching and socializing is often the role of an older brother or sister. The older sibling is not only teacher but caretaker and companion.

Factors that affect Relationship Family Structure – single parent family/step family Family size Spacing between siblings – number of years between Sibling gender – role expectations Location of home

Activity “Each member of the group needs to think of an adjective that describes you as a person. You will then share these will the rest of your group. If the majority of the group agrees that characteristic fits them as well then you write it on your butcher paper. Continue to do this until you have a list of characteristics that are common in your group. After your group is done hang it on the board.”

Things to remember about Birth Order Exceptions in traits Focus on positive traits of each birth order Becoming aware of uniqueness Use the information to understand ourselves and others Do not use traits as labels or stereotypes

BIRTH ORDER Birth order refers to the order in which you were born among your siblings. Many believe that the order in which you were born among brothers and sisters influences how you develop. Though birth order gives us clues about our behavior, it is not always accurate.

The oldest child is: Usually set up as an example to the other children. Treated more like an adult by his/her parents. A high achiever Given and accepts more responsibility than the other children. Usually college bound. Independent Is affectionate

Oldest continued: Natural leadership abilities Ambitious, responsible, take charge, self-sacrificing Motivated Logical and straight thinkers Organized- good planners and goal setters, make “to do” lists Energetic

Feelings of First Born Children "Everyone depends on me." "I can't get away with anything." "I don't get to be a kid." "Why do I have to do it? Nobody else does anything around here." "How come I'm responsible for what my little brother or sister did?"

The middle child: May work extra-hard to get recognition. Is usually a peace maker. is somewhat average in schoolwork, but is an all-around good student Is usually a calm, even-tempered adult – avoids confrontation Good mediator, compromiser Balanced, can see both sides

Middle continued: Unspoiled and realistic Independent, mentally tough Quiet, appears to be shy Introspective, analytical thinker Impatient, easily frustrated Balanced Comfortable with change, may even thrive on change

Feelings of Middle Children "I'm tired of being left out of things." "Nobody understands me!" "Nobody ever listens to me!" "I'm always in the shadow of my older sister/brother." "My youngest brother/sister gets away with everything."

The youngest child: Gets a lot of attention, along with a lot of bossing. May be spoiled Usually matures quickly May be undisciplined and irresponsible Is easy-going about school. Likes to associate with someone who takes charge of situations.

Youngest continued: Charming- a real sales person LOVES to be the center of attention and the class clown Mischievous Little show-off Playful, fun to be around Creative and entertaining Great sense of humor

Feelings of Youngest Children "I have to work hard to get other people to pay attention to me!" "Nobody takes me seriously." "Everyone treats me like I'm younger than I am."

Has Many of the Same Characteristics as the First Born Child The only child: Has Many of the Same Characteristics as the First Born Child Little adult by age 7 Thorough, deliberate High achiever – learns quickly Self-motivated Feel at ease with authority figures

Only child continued: High expectations of self and others Can’t stand failure or mistakes in self or others Black and white thinker, no room for gray area Exactly, precise Rigid, cautious Dependable, responsible

Feelings of Only Children "I didn't do as well as I should have." "Sometimes I feel lonely." "I would be much happier with a brother or sister." "I'm not getting enough attention."

Twins Identical – inherit the same sets of characteristics Fraternal – do not inherit the same set of characteristics

Activity Get into groups with your classmates depending on your birth order. Brainstorm together and come up with why it is cool to be in your birth order and what stinks about being in your birth order. Write down your ideas on the poster paper in each group. Share with class.

SIBLING RIVALRY Question: What are some typical things brothers and sisters have problems with or argue about? Competition among children of the same family for their parents’ affections or for dominance is called sibling rivalry. It is extremely common, and it sometimes persists into adult life.

Younger children typically copy and try to excel in areas in which older children have previously succeeded. One or both parents sometimes single out one child as the “best” and another as the “black sheep.” children perceive the parents’ attitudes and compete with one another for affection and approval.

WHAT IS YOUR TEACHER? Oldest child: Create complicated projects for students to complete. They like structure and order in the classroom. They are happiest when students are sitting in nicely arrange desks, straight in a line. Students are quiet and do as they are told. the oldest child teacher will be frustrated unless they learn how to achieve the organization in a different way.

A middle child teacher: is interested in the psychological well being as well as the academic achievement of the student. They seek out the rebellious students in hope of influencing them in a more positive direction. They try to achieve order through mutual respect and understanding.

A teacher who is a younger child: are more creative, fun loving, adjust well to noise and disorder. Teachers allow students to take more responsibility so they won’t have to do everything themselves

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