Lesson 5 Building Healthy Relationships

Class Discussion

Create your own “wordle” using words that describe relationships Example on next Slide

 or click here  or click here  Make a list of at least 25 words that describe a relationship  No Profanity or Inappropriate Words  Use one word at a time (No sentences)  No repeating words  No common English words (a, the, is…)  The “wordle” can be completed either as homework or it can be done at school  It can be done on the internet, from magazine or newspaper clippings or other creative ways

 The three “C’s” below are basic foundations of any great relationship.  Think about these words.  In your group, discuss and record how you would portray a normal relationship versus an abnormal (not normal) relationship using these categories?  C ommunication  C ooperation  C ompromise

 Healthy  Shared responsibility  Honesty  Accountability  Trust  Support  Respect  Non-Threatening behavior  Fairness  Caring  Unhealthy  Intimidating  Emotional Abuse  Physical Abuse  Isolation  Denying responsibility  Using someone  Economic Abuse  Lying  Bullying  Hazing  Disrespect General Relationship Characteristics

 Healthy relationships take time, commitment and effort.  Most healthy relationships don’t progress like a fairy tale.  There are hard times in every relationship.  It is how people work together through the difficult times that separates successful relationships from failed relationships.

JOURNAL:  Think about a 2 people or a group of people that weathered a difficult time together and came out closer and more bonded because of it.  List the healthy ways they worked through the problem that made the end successful.  How did they utilize the 3 “C’s”?

“As you sit side by side through this roller coaster of life, remember to: scream from the peaks, hold hands through the dips, laugh through the loop-the-loops, and enjoy every twist and turn --for the ride is better because you share it together.”  Author Unknown

 First, by yourself, answer these:  List 3 non-negotiables that a friend must have for you to consider the relationship healthy.  List 3 non-negotiables that a romantic relationship must have for you to consider the relationship healthy.  List 3 non-negotiables that a family must have for you to consider the relationship healthy.  Now compare your answers with a person next to you.  Discuss how they are alike and different.

Class Discussion

Understanding sexual assault & abuse

Sexual assault and abuse is any type of sexual activity that you do not agree to, including:  Inappropriate touching  Vaginal, anal, or oral penetration  Sexual intercourse that you say no to  Rape  Attempted rape  Child molestation

 Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.  Examples of this are:  Voyeurism - when someone watches someone in private acts  Exhibitionism - when someone exposes him/herself in public  Incest - sexual contact between family members  Sexual Harassment – define sexual harrassment  It can happen in different situations: in the home by someone you know, on a date, or by a stranger in an isolated place.

 Rape - common form of sexual assault  Committed — on a date, by a friend or an acquaintance, or when you think you are alone.  Educate yourself on “date rape” drugs. They can be slipped into a drink when a victim is not looking. Never leave your drink unattended — no matter where you are. Alcohol is the #1 drug!  Attackers use date rape drugs to make a person unable to resist assault. These drugs can also cause memory loss so the victim doesn’t know what happened.

Rape and sexual assault: never the victim’s fault… no matter where or how it happens no matter who is involved including both male and female victims

Important steps to take right away after an assault:  Get away from the attacker - Call 911  Call a friend or family member  Call a crisis center or a hotline: National Sexual Assault Hotline HOPE (4673)

 Go to hospital emergency room as soon as possible.  Do not wash, comb, or clean any part of your body. Do not change clothes if possible, so the hospital staff can collect evidence. Do not touch or change anything at the scene of the assault.  Get examined/treated for any injuries. The doctor will collect evidence using a rape kit for fibers, hairs, saliva, semen, or clothing that the attacker may have left behind.

While at the hospital:  File a police report from the emergency room  Get connected with the local rape crisis center to get professional care  Feelings of shame, guilt, fear, and shock are normal. It is important to get counseling from a trusted professional.

In 2007, 8% of high school students nationwide had ever been physically forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to. CDC Youth Risk Behavior Survey

Being aware of risk factors around you is important because it helps you know what situations to avoid. By knowing there are risk factors present you are better able to avoid situations where sexual violence may occur.

 These factors put a person at increased risk:  Alcohol and drug use  Impulsive and antisocial tendencies  Preference for impersonal sex  Spends time with people that have a hostility towards women  Spends time with men that regard women as less (hyper masculinity)  Childhood history of sexual and physical abuse  Witnessed family violence as a child  Large age differences in romantic relationships (example: female = 15 and male = 19)

These things put a person at increased risk:  Association with sexually aggressive and delinquent peers  Family environment characterized by physical violence and few resources  Large age differences in romantic relationships (example: female = 15 and male = 19)  Emotionally unsupportive family environment

These things put a person at increased risk:  Lack of employment opportunities  Lack of institutional support from police and judicial system  General tolerance of sexual violence within the community  Weak community sanctions against sexual violence perpetrators

These things put a person at increased risk:  Poverty - why?  Societal norms that support sexual violence  Societal norms that support male superiority and sexual entitlement  Societal norms that maintain women's inferiority and sexual submissiveness  Weak laws and policies related to gender equity  High tolerance levels of crime and other forms of violence

 Again, being aware of any risk factors around you is important because it helps you know what situations to avoid.  Having risk factors doesn’t mean you will be a victim of sexual violence.  It just means there are risky situations out there.  You must do your best to make safe choices at all times!!

Protective factors may lessen the likelihood that a person will be a victim of sexual violence.

Brainstorm 10 protective factors that would help a person stay safe and avoid becoming a potential victim of sexual violence.

 Avoid using alcohol or other drugs  Engage in healthy relationships  Practice abstinence.  Avoid being with people or in places that are not safe  Make safe choices about who to spend your time with and who you spend your time around  Use the internet carefully by protecting your privacy  Don’t be afraid to assert yourself (speak up and leave) if someone is making you feel uncomfortable

 It doesn’t only happen to women  2.1% of men reported experiencing forced sex at some time in their lives,  It’s not always a stranger  In the first rape experience of female victims, perpetrators were reported to be intimate partners (30.4%), family members (23.7%), and acquaintances (20%).  In the first rape experience of male victims, perpetrators were reported to be acquaintances (32.3%), family members (17.7%), friends (17.6%), and intimate partners (15.9%).

 Victims of sexual violence are not weak.  Sexual violence is NEVER the fault of the victim!!  A victim of sexual violence is not alone! There are people and organizations out there that will immediately help victims of sexual violence. If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual violence please use today’s lesson to seek the help needed!

 To report:  Call  Go to the Emergency Room (ER) of the nearest hospital

 North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault 811 Spring Forest Road, Suite 900 Raleigh, NC http://  Wake Teen Medical Services 505 Oberlin Road Raleigh, NC (919) www.waketeen.orgwww.waketeen.org

 LifeCare Pregnancy Center 1001 Navaho Drive, Suite 101 Raleigh, NC  SAFEchild 864 West Morgan Street Raleigh, NC http://

 A healthy relationship is a connection between people that increases well-being, is mutually enjoyable, and enhances or maintains each individual’s positive self- concept.  Healthy relationships are frequently characterized by: Good communication, Trust, Respect, Honesty, Equality, Compromise, Individuality, Mutually fair problem solving, Understanding/empathy, Self- confidence, Mutual support CHOOSE TO BE HEALTHY!!! (interactive games/scenarios)