Feeling suicidal is an indescribable pain that no one should have to deal with, and the pain of losing someone to suicide is just as hard… Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

One of the most difficult challenges of parenting is realizing that you don’t always know what your kids are thinking or feeling.

Learn the FACTS FEELINGS like hopelessness; fear of losing control; helplessness; worthlessness; feeling anxious, worried or angry often ACTIONS that are different - especially talking about death or suicide, taking dangerous risks, withdrawing from activities or sports or using alcohol or drugs CHANGES in personality, behavior, sleeping patterns, eating habits; loss of interest in friends or activities or sudden improvement after a period of being down or withdrawn THREATS that convey a sense of hopelessness, worthlessness, or preoccupation with death; plans like giving away favorite things, studying ways to die, obtaining a weapon or pills or initiating suicide attempts. SITUATIONS that can serve as “trigger points” for suicidal behaviors like loss or death; humiliations, rejections, or failures, getting in trouble at home, in school or with the law; a break-up; or impending changes for which your child feels scared or unprepared

“I can’t take it anymore….” “I want to kill myself…” “I’d be better off dead…” “I can’t live with this anymore…” If you hear your child say…. Take them seriously… “Nothing matters…” “Everybody would be better off without me…”

What you don’t want to say is… “That’s crazy!” “Don’t be such a drama queen” “Really?!” “That boy is not worth it” “That won’t solve anything” “You are not going to kill yourself” “It’s not that bad” “Do you know how easy you have it?” “You don’t mean that”

Try this instead… “I’m so sorry you are feeling this way.” “How can I help?” “We will get through this together” “You matter to me and I will protect you and keep you safe.” “You are not alone…a lot of people feel this way at times.” “Please stay…I love you” “You must really be hurting inside”

What to do next… Seek professional help immediately Make sure they have 3-4 names of people they trust to talk to on their phone Give them the suicide hotline: TALK Lock up medications and get rid of any weapons Don’t leave them alone Call 911 or go to ER

Message to parents Learn about depression and suicide: “The Talk” Manage your own anxiety and fear first Don’t let your teen’s depression or anxiety snowball Ask questions, and listen even if they aren’t talking Share your feelings and explain that these bad times won’t last forever (without minimizing) Encourage them to not isolate Recommend movement for endorphins Decrease activities and responsibilities Know there is help, but it takes time…

Talking about suicide CANNOT plant the idea in someone’s head. It actually can open up communication about a topic that is often kept a secret. And secrets that are exposed become less powerful and scary.

Talking to teens about suicide Timing is everything! Think about what you want to say ahead of time and rehearse a script if necessary. Be honest if this is a hard subject for you to talk about. Listen to what your child has to say. Don’t overreact or under react. ANY thoughts or talk of suicide should ALWAYS be revisited.

Where can you get help? School Counselors Pediatrician or Family Doctor Therapists Nurses with mental health training Psychologists Group Therapy Psychiatrists Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP) Partial Care Programs/Partial Hospitalization Programs (PCP/PHP) Inpatient Hospitalization

If your child’s friend attempts a suicide Acknowledge the situation, express your concern and ask about your child’s feelings. Listen to the answer, whatever it is! Ask about the buzz in school. You want to get a sense of the areas of concern. Answer questions they may have. Ask if the exposure to these attempts has made your child have thoughts about suicide, too. Revisit the questions at a later date once the friend returns to school

If your child’s friend commits suicide Start by expressing your own sadness and confusion about the death, and then ask your child to share his or her reactions. Validate whatever you hear. Address any rumors with your child - discuss how they and their friends are responding. Discuss what they would do if they ever found themselves in a desperate situation Ignoring the conversation does not make the feelings go away.

Help them if there is a funeral… Help them articulate their concerns Help them understand what to expect. Acknowledge worries about saying the wrong thing and help them with what they want to say. Help them understand they may feel really emotional and normalize them crying. Let them know if they need to leave, you will be there for them. If they decide to not go, that is okay. There are many way to offer condolences. Accompany your child so they are not alone and they see you as someone who is there for them.

Quick message for teens…

If your friend says they don’t want to live… This is a serious threat to their life. Don’t ignore or wait or assume they are being “dramatic”. IT IS CRITICAL YOU TELL a trusted adult - You can not handle it yourself. Your friend may be upset if you tell – it’s a risk you’ll have to take. Act on your instincts and trust your gut – you can save a life.

When you lose a friend to suicide You are not alone Talk about how you are feeling – it can help it feel less intense Realize you may never really know the why… It was not your fault Contain the recurring thoughts Go to an adult if it starts to feel unmanageable It will get better…but it takes time.

Save a life…avoid living with regret… “I had no idea”“I thought it was a phase” “I never thought he would do it” “I wish I would have said something”

Moments Pass Please Stay You Matter