Addiction Proof Parenting

Introduction I Cor. 2:16 “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ. -> Five Mentalities of an Addict and the Five Marks of a Transforming Christian

-> Example: 8 year old child: “Mommy, I’m sad. Can I play a video game?” What is the HEART/MINDSET behind this question?

Introduction Matthew 22:37-40 And He said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend on all the Law and the Prophets.

Introduction Matthew 22:37-38 And He said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. (Entitlement vs. Be Humble)

Introduction Matthew 22:39-40 And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend on all the Law and the Prophets. (Consumer vs. Be Giving)

I. Entitlement Mentality A.Ownership: “It belongs to me.” “I deserve this, and more!” 1.Pride of living to please self, not God; 2 Tim. 3:2 2.Heart, soul, and mind are all focused on serving self 3. Idolatry; Ex. 20:3…

I. Entitlement Mentality B.Parent fosters this mentality by: “Follow your heart.” “You decide.” 1. Giving decision making power way too early. 2. Abdicating authority; I Sam. 2:12-17

I. Entitlement Mentality B.Parent fosters this mentality by: 3. Feeding every whim & desire of child.

I. Entitlement Mentality C.Mark of a transforming addict: Be humble -> “Everything I have belongs to Him.” 1. God owns everything. I own nothing. I Cor. 6:19-20

I. Entitlement Mentality C.Mark of a transforming addict: Be humble 2. Acknowledgement that one is a steward not an owner. I Cor. 4:2 3. Heart, soul and mind are all focused on serving and loving God

II. Consumer Mentality (vs ) A. Temporal mindset; comfort at all costs. “I will not share.” “I will never go without.”

II. Consumer Mentality B. Parent fosters it by: “If it breaks, I’ll get you a new one right away.” 1. Alleviate all pain in any way possible. 2. Seeking a goal to never allow pain or negative consequences. Matt. 16:22-23

II. Consumer Mentality B. Parent fosters it by: 3. Encouraging an escape to pleaure for temporal things. Ps. 55:6 4. Finding fulfillment from this world to be used by me, for me. Col. 3:2

II. Consumer Mentality C. Mark of a transforming addict: Be Giving -> “I will share and give to others.” 1.Working hard and giving to others (similar to Eph. 4:28) 2.Learning to be Christ-like. Acts 20:35

Ephesians 5:18-21 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit (VICTIM vs. Be RESPONSIBLE / OBEDIENT)

Ephesians 5:18-21 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (PERISHING vs. Be GRATEFUL)

Ephesians 5:18-21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (REBELLIOUS vs. Be SUBMISSIVE)

III. Victim Mentality (v.18) A.Not a true victim but wanting to be treated like one: “It’s not my fault.” “I have been wronged.” “I was dealt a ‘bad hand.’” “My life is a mess because others have messed it up.”

III. Victim Mentality (v.18) A.Not a true victim but wanting to be treated like one: 1. Excuse for bad behavior: “Why should I love others when I’m hurting so badly?” 2. Excuse for lack of love: “Why should I care about anyone? No one cares about me!”

III. Victim Mentality (v.18) A.Not a true victim but wanting to be treated like one: 3. Enjoys attention and sympathy of others. Luke 15:29

III. Victim Mentality B. Parent fosters it by: “You’ve had such a hard life.” “If your (sinning family member. e.g.) wouldn’t have hurt you, then your life wouldn’t have been so hard.” “You didn’t have a chance.”

III. Victim Mentality C. Mark of a transforming addict: Be responsible -> “It is my fault.” “I will repent.” 1.Learning to take on biblical responsibilities. Mark 7: Learning to not take on others’ responsibilities. I Sam. 13

IV. Perishing Mentality (vs ) A.Self-pity: “Woe is me. Why me?” “Bad things always happen to me.” 1. So-called hatred of self. “I hate myself.” 2. Suicidal, despairing. “I am doomed. Why should I live?” I Kings 4:19

IV. Perishing Mentality (vs ) A.Self-pity: “Woe is me. Why me?” “Bad things always happen to me.” 3. Quitting, giving up. “There’s nothing I can do to change anything. What’s the use?” Prov. 29:35 4. “It’s God’s fault. He’s going to have to fix it.”

IV. Perishing Mentality B. Parent fosters it by: “You have it harder than others.” “You aren’t as blessed as other people.” “You are stupid.”

IV. Perishing Mentality C. Mark of a transforming addict: Be grateful -> “I will thank and praise God, even for the trials in my life.” 1.Teaching a biblical view of suffering. Rom. 8:18 2.Learning that self-pity is based in pride (a.k.a. ‘pride in reverse’).

V. Rebellious Mentality (v. 21) A.Biblical Fool: “I am my own boss. I answer to no one.” 1. “I don’t have to do what you say.” Psalm 10:4; 14:1

V. Rebellious Mentality (v. 21) A.Biblical Fool: 2. “You are a hypocrite so I can do what I want.” Prov. 12:15 3. “I don’t care what others think; I am going to do it anyway.” Prov. 10:8

V. Rebellious Mentality B. Parent fosters it by: “You can’t count on anyone…” “You’ve gotta look out for…” “You can’t trust authorities…” “Don’t listen to what your teacher says; she doesn’t understand or like you.”

V. Rebellious Mentality C. Mark of a transforming addict: Be submissive -> “I serve the King of kings.” “I will obey His Word.” 1.Submission always has a human face. Rom. 13:5-9

V. Rebellious Mentality C. Mark of a transforming addict: Be submissive 2. Seeing authority as good and from God. Col 3:22 3. Even harsh authorities. I Peter 2:18

VI. Be Transformed 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

VI. Be Transformed Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.