Emotion Coaching: Supporting Parents with the Gottman Institute’s New Program Presented by: Rebecca L. Bowen, M.Ed., School Counselor & School Psychologist Liz Thibert, M.Ed. School Counselor

TODAY’S AGENDA Introduction to the new DVD series Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting Introduction to the new DVD series Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting View segments of the DVD series View segments of the DVD series Explore some of the parent activities Explore some of the parent activities Our experiences from the last two Our experiences from the last two year’s events year’s events

EMOTION COACHING Emotional Coaching is a process by which parents (and teachers) can connect with their children by helping them to label and understand their emotions to create problem solving solutions for their needs.

INTRO TO META-EMOTION Meta-Emotion DVD clip Meta-Emotion DVD clip Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D at the Gottman Institute Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D at the Gottman Institute Meta-Emotion Meta-Emotion Thinking about our emotions Thinking about our emotions Activity: Remembering life as a child Activity: Remembering life as a child

CHAPTER 1: HOW OUR INTERACTIONS MATTER How kid’s turn out How kid’s turn out Emotion Coaching vs. Emotion Dismissing Responses Emotion Coaching vs. Emotion Dismissing Responses

BENEFITS OF EMOTION COACHING Get along better with friends Get along better with friends Experience fewer negative feeling and more positive feelings Experience fewer negative feeling and more positive feelings Are more emotionally healthy Are more emotionally healthy Reduced child risk Reduced child risk Fewer behavior problems Fewer behavior problems Less prone to acts of violence Less prone to acts of violence Better physical health Better physical health Score higher academically Score higher academically

CHAPTER 2: HOW TO BE AN EMOTION COACH Parenting behaviors to avoid (Four Horseman of the Apocalypse) Parenting behaviors to avoid (Four Horseman of the Apocalypse) Criticism Criticism Defensiveness Defensiveness Contempt (sarcasm, mockery, name calling) Contempt (sarcasm, mockery, name calling) Stonewalling Stonewalling

CHAPTER 2: HOW TO BE AN EMOTION COACH Parenting Behaviors to try Parenting Behaviors to try Behavior 1: Avoid evaluative and judgmental language Behavior 1: Avoid evaluative and judgmental language Behavior 2: Describe what you see and how you feel rather than using labels Behavior 2: Describe what you see and how you feel rather than using labels Behavior 3: Process is everything; what you do to help solve is more important than what you say. Model respectful problem solving. Behavior 3: Process is everything; what you do to help solve is more important than what you say. Model respectful problem solving. Behavior 4: Kids need to save face Behavior 4: Kids need to save face

CHAPTER 2: HOW TO BE AN EMOTION COACH Behavior 5: Validate your child’s feelings Behavior 5: Validate your child’s feelings Behavior 6: Let your child come up with their own solution Behavior 6: Let your child come up with their own solution Behavior 7: Grant in fantasy what you cannot grant in reality Behavior 7: Grant in fantasy what you cannot grant in reality Behavior 8: Don’t jump to say “no” too quickly Behavior 8: Don’t jump to say “no” too quickly Methods of Limit Setting – Big piece often forgot Methods of Limit Setting – Big piece often forgot

CHAPTER 3: BARRIERS TO EMOTION COACHING The parental agenda The parental agenda Flooding/”Flipping your lid” Flooding/”Flipping your lid” Antidote to flooding – taking a break and calming down Antidote to flooding – taking a break and calming down

CHAPTER 4: FIVE STEPS TO EMOTION COACHING Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions Step 2: Recognize emotions as opportunities to connect or teach Step 2: Recognize emotions as opportunities to connect or teach Step 3: Help your child verbally label emotions Step 3: Help your child verbally label emotions Step 4: Communicate empathy and understanding Step 4: Communicate empathy and understanding Step 5: Set limits and problem solve Step 5: Set limits and problem solve

WHEN YOU SHOULDN’T EMOTION COACH When you don’t have enough time When you don’t have enough time When you have an audience When you have an audience When you are too upset or too tired for coaching to be productive When you are too upset or too tired for coaching to be productive When you need to address serious behavior When you need to address serious behavior When your child is “faking” an emotion to manipulate you When your child is “faking” an emotion to manipulate you

ROLE PLAY Pick a partner and take turns being the child Pick a partner and take turns being the child The child wants a cell phone and parent needs to deal with it with emotions coaching techniques The child wants a cell phone and parent needs to deal with it with emotions coaching techniques Be brave! It will help when you try it out on your kids! Be brave! It will help when you try it out on your kids!

CHAPTER 5: HELPING CHALLENGING CHILDREN The Coercive Cycle The Coercive Cycle Explosive Children Explosive Children Implosive Children Implosive Children

CHAPTER 6: NEXT STEPS Parent Testimonials Parent Testimonials

EMOTIONAL COACHING PARENTING CLASS SUCCESS STORY The Gottman Institute has produced a DVD series complete with Parent Guides making for a quality opportunity for parent education. The Gottman Institute has produced a DVD series complete with Parent Guides making for a quality opportunity for parent education. Tahoma District Counselor’s teamed to present a two evening and three evening events for parents. Tahoma District Counselor’s teamed to present a two evening and three evening events for parents. We had to close the event early due to limited seating space. We had to close the event early due to limited seating space. Overwhelmingly positive feedback from parents. Overwhelmingly positive feedback from parents.

LOGISTICS Decide on how many nights Decide on how many nights Space for tables Space for tables Technology Technology Online Registration Online Registration Advertising through district Advertising through district Counselors willing to present Counselors willing to present Administration Support (Curriculum and Financial) Administration Support (Curriculum and Financial) Purchase parent handbooks Purchase parent handbooks Childcare? Childcare?

REFERENCES AND CONTACT Emotion Coaching, The Heart of Parenting, John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D. Emotion Coaching, The Heart of Parenting, John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Gottman, Ph.D. and Joan DeClaire Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Gottman, Ph.D. and Joan DeClaire Rebecca Bowen: Rebecca Bowen: Liz Thibert: Liz Thibert: