Gifted Children’s Intensities Barbara Branch Executive Director California Association for the Gifted

 Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilites  Intensity in Gifted Children  Suggested Parenting Strategies for Intense Gifted Children Agenda

 Kazimierz Dabrowski ( ) – Polish psychiatrist  Two Concepts Developmental Potential Your initial opportunity for growth Depends on how it is actualized Multilevelness Various levels of inner growth Might be higher in a young person who has been self-integrated The work of personal growth Dabrowski’s Overexcitiabilites

 Psychomotor  Sensual  Intellectual  Imaginational  Emotional Dabrowski’s Overexcitiabilites

 Surplus of Energy  Rapid Speech  Need for Action  Misdiagnosed as ADHD Psychomotor

 Enhanced sensual experience  Sight  Sound  Touch  Taste  Smell  Beauty  Music Sensual

 Curiosity  Capacity for sustained intellectual effort  Search for truth and understanding  Capable of reflective thought Intellectual

 Creative thinking  Capacity for image and fantasy  Can create private worlds  Need for novelty and variety Imaginational

 Extremes of emotion  Empathetic  Shyness and timidity  Capacity for strong attachments Emotional

Overexcitabilities lead to Intensities

INTENSITY OF THOUGHT “Her mind is always whirring.” From J.R. Delisle, Once Upon a Mind: The stories and scholars of gifted child education

INTENSITY OF PURPOSE “Once he makes up his mind to do something, he’s not satisfied until it’s accomplished.” From J.R. Delisle, Once Upon a Mind: The stories and scholars of gifted child education

INTENSITY OF EMOTION “She internalizes anything anyone says about her.” From J.R. Delisle, Once Upon a Mind: The stories and scholars of gifted child education

INTENSITY OF SPIRIT “He’s always looking for someone less fortunate who needs help.” From J.R. Delisle, Once Upon a Mind: The stories and scholars of gifted child education

INTENSITY OF SOUL “She asks questions that philosophers have asked for centuries and gets upset when we can’t give her definitive answers to them.” From J.R. Delisle, Once Upon a Mind: The stories and scholars of gifted child education

Emotional Intensity Emotional intensity in the gifted is not a matter of feeling more than other people, but a different way of experiencing the world: vivid, absorbing, penetrating, encompassing, complex, commanding- a way of being quiveringly alive.

 Emotionally intense  Unrealistic expectations of self and others; perfectionist; depression  Excessively competitive  Low frustration tolerance  Easily hurt  Feels powerless to solve world problems Problems with Being Gifted and Intense

 Impatient; sees or knows too much  Disruptive; class clown  Uses humor to seek attention  Excessive questioning (why, why)  Goes too far; seems disruptive  Unable to accept help Problems with Being Gifted and Intense

 fMRI showed intense and diffuse brains  Not one mode thinkers – multi-modality  Enhanced distractibility but can lead to creativity (daydreaming)  Need time for rumination and reflection Brains on Fire

How to Nurture Emotional Intensity  Reward effort rather than results – reduces perfectionism  Give gifted kids responsibilities that are age but also emotionally appropriate  Understand it’s not just “drama”  Teach coping techniques  Create a nurturing home environment in which the child can feel safe and yet creative

How to Nurture Emotional Intensity  Accept their emotions  Don’t try to minimize their emotions  Teach gifted children that their feelings are normal for them but inappropriate behavior is unacceptable  Apply consistent discipline  Discuss feelings openly  Use expressive outlets such as art, music, poetry, journaling

 Christine Fonseca  Coaching moves away from telling a child what to do and focuses on giving him or her the tools necessary to independently figure things out  Teach specific strategies so they can learn to self- monitor and adjust behavior  Focus is on teaching how to think, not what to think  Teach relaxation skills or biofeedback Be an Emotional Coach

 Start early by helping the child talk about his or her emotions  Develop emotional vocabulary  Use prompts – written or verbal  I feel best when …  I’m afraid when …  I like it when …  I feel different when …  Give the Overexcitabilities Questionnaire and share the results together Parenting Strategies

1.Do you ever feel really high, ecstatic, and incredibly happy? Describe your feelings (Younger children can draw a picture.) 2.What has been your experience of the most intense pleasure? 3.What are your special kind of daydreams and fantasies? 4.What kinds of things get your mind going? Overexcitability Questionnaire

5.When do you feel the most energy, and what do you do with it? 6.How do you act when you get excited? 7.What kind of physical activity (or inactivity) gives you the most satisfaction? 8.Is taste something special to you? Describe in what way it is special. Overexcitability Questionnaire

9.Do you ever catch yourself seeing, hearing, imagining things that aren’t really there? Give examples. 10.When do you feel the greatest urge to do something? 11.If you come across a difficult idea or concept, how does it become clear to you? Describe what goes on in your head in this case. 12.Describe what you do when you are just fooling around? Overexcitability Questionnaire

 Help the student discover his or her own escalation cycle  What buttons push them too far  What buttons push you too far –share them Parenting Strategies

Develop a plan to deal with intensity Relaxation techniques - biofeedback Redirect energies Things to do INSTEAD Make a list and consult it when needed Journal or blog Go for a run Take pictures Clean a drawer Read a book outside Make a collage Listen to happy music Watch a funny movie Parenting Strategies

Take a breather Child and adult Develop a key word to acknowledge need for a breather for either party – communication Try not to overreact – learn patience Make a list of alternatives for you as the parent Parenting Strategies

Focus on the behavior you want to see –not the inappropriate behavior you are seeing Focus on the good behavior Avoid acknowledging the bad behavior Model the good behavior as an adult would display that behavior Parenting Strategies

Here’s to the kids who are different, The kids who don’t always get A’s, The kids who have ears twice the size of their peers, And noses that go on for days… Here’s to the kids who are different, The kids they call crazy or dumb, The kids who don’t fit, With the guts and the grit Who dance to a different drum… Here’s to the kids with the mischievous streak, For when they have grown, As history’ shown. It’s their difference that makes them unique. Author unknown Kids Who Are Different

Suggested Reading  Living with Intensity  Susan Daniels  Emotional Intensity  Christina Fonseca  Once Upon a Mind  Jim Delisle  Misdiagnosis  Jim Webb

 Students grades 1-9  June 23-27, 2014  Excelsior School  Registration the CAG website at Eureka Institute

Barb’s website