INSTRUCTOR: Brian Kevin

 So far, you have learned the importance of the rhetorical situation in writing, the value of focusing on audience and purpose, and the need to plan, outline and draft your ideas.  You have also by now received peer-review and instructor comments on your Unit 6 essay draft.  Does anyone have questions on any of these issues?

So if you're reading an article by Wilson, Mack, & Grattan, then that's the article you want to cite on the reference page and in the in-text citation. Now if Wilson and his friends are themselves relaying a point that came from an article by Bouchard, Blair, & Haskell, then the one teensy thing you want to do differently with your in-text citation is this: (as cited in Wilson, Mack, & Grattan, 2008) So maybe the original passage in Wilson looks something like this: Intrinsic motivation for exercise seems to be much more important than extrinsic. In Bouchard, Blair, & Haskell's super famous study of college students' exercise habits, intrinsic motivation was more closely associated with long-term exercise than extrinsic. As the authors of that study wrote, "College students motivated by an internal enjoyment of physical activity, rather than outward appearance, tend to follow exercise regimes over a period of months and maintain their habits longer" (Bouchard, Blair, & Haskell, 2010, p. 41). So, you could do a couple things with that. If you just wrote: According to one study of college students, those motivated by their own interest and enjoyment in exercise are likely to stick to a workout routine longer those motivated by physical appearance or weight loss (Wilson, Mack, & Grattan, 2008). That would be totally fine. Since what you're saying here is really a conclusion of both studies, you could probably also say: According to one study of college students, those motivated by their own interest and enjoyment in exercise are likely to stick to a workout routine longer those motivated by physical appearance or weight loss (as cited in Wilson, Mack, & Grattan, 2008)..

It's really six of one, half a dozen of the other. Now if you were to actually use some or all of that quote, you'd for sure want to include the "as cited in" note. For example, you might do this: Wellness coaches should help inspire what psychologists call "intrinsic motivation," or the pursuit of an activity for its own sake and not because of an external goal. The reason for this, according to one study, is that exercisers "motivated by an internal enjoyment of physical activity rather than outward appearance tend to...maintain their habits longer" (as cited in Wilson, Mack, & Grattan, 2008, p. 72) Does that make sense? The bottom line is that whatever source you're actually reading is the one that needs to appear on both your reference page and in your in-text citations. They should always match, because again, all they do is point to one another. They're always two sides of the same coin. There should never be a name in an in-text citation that doesn't also appear on the reference page, and vice-versa

 The Final Project, due by the end of unit 9, is quickly approaching, but you are prepared, since you have drafted your ideas and received feedback. You now have almost two weeks to revise, edit, and shape that essay into the strongest piece of writing it can become.  Create a plan for making that happen. Work on it a little each day, but do it with a specific goal in mind.  Revision isn’t simply reading over the draft and making a few spelling error changes. Remember that you may sometimes have to reorganize the ideas, take out information, add more information, change the information, do more research, even rewrite the whole thing in some cases. While that may sound like a lot of work, it really is manageable the end result will be a stronger, more powerful and effective essay that accomplishes its goals. It will allow you to not only demonstrate your knowledge but also help people with a problem to make a change in their lives!  Remember that for now, you still want to stay focused on content, not grammar. You can worry about editing in Unit 9.

 1. Create a plan. Review the feedback you received from classmates and your instructor. Talk to other people. Get feedback from the Writing Center tutors. Make a list of the concerns that you should work on based on this feedback, rather than guessing what you should do. Prioritize that list. What is the most important issue? What will take the most work or time?  Then, work on that list, one point at a time. Tackle one issue at a time. Mark off the list as you work through the issues.  Seek help and clarification if you need it. If you are not sure what your instructor means in some comment, send the instructor an .

 2. Give yourself a break. In order to objectively analyze our writing, we need distance and objectivity. We have to see what is truly there.  3. Change the way you look at it. Have someone else read your draft out loud to you. Read it out loud yourself. Imagine that you are the audience, seeing the ideas through their point of view. Print a copy of the draft and get away from the computer. Take a pencil or pen to it and mark areas that don’t exactly work as well as you would like. Just don’t read it on the computer screen each time. Visually, your paper will “look good” and that may prevent you from seeing it objectively.

 4. And finally, try a strategy that may be new to you. It’s called the post-draft outline. When you use this revision strategy, you make an “outline” of a draft, but no Roman numerals—none of that. It is NOT the outline you wrote before you drafted. It is an outline of what is actually written. This outlining method gives you a lot of power because it strips down the essay to the bare essentials and allows you to see the overall structure, if points are repeated, if paragraphs cover more than one point, if the introduction or conclusion needs work, if there are important points left out, for example.

 Begin by counting the paragraphs in your draft. Write those numbers down on a sheet of paper.  1.  2.  3…… You get the picture, right?  Then, read each paragraph and in one sentence and as briefly as possible, state the main point of each paragraph or summarize what the paragraph is about. You are not necessarily trying to pick out the topic sentence of the paragraph — instead, you are trying to boil down what the paragraph is all about.  If you see that your topic sentence actually does reflect what the paragraph is about, great! It should — but don’t just assume that it will. If your topic sentence doesn't reflect what the paragraph is about, now’s your chance to revise it.

 Overall, your post-draft outline should reflect a clear, logical progression of ideas in your paper.  If there are holes or problems, the outline should help you see those issues so you can fix them.  This method can be used to see if the draft really followed through on the outline as intended.  Or, if you write by “just writing” without doing an outline first, the POST-draft outline can help best organize what you have written.

 One thing to remember as you write is that you must motivate your readers to read what you have written.  Writers do not have to read what we write. If we bore them, if the information is disorganized or unclear, or if they simply do not see any value of the information to their lives, they will stop reading.  Introductions and conclusions are part of the process of motivating the readers to begin and continue to read what we have worked hard to write, as well as what give them a first and last impression of you and your topic.

 IMAGINE a really good article or newspaper column you have read. What drew you to it? What kept you reading? Normally, a writer will in some way HOOK the readers and capture their attention in the introduction.  Some strategies include: Startling statistics An interesting fact or quote A narrative What other strategies do you know and use, and why might they work?

Don’t assume you have to write the introduction before you write the rest of your essay. You can come back to the introduction at any point in the writing process. Forcing an introduction may make it awkward and may create Writer’s Block. Avoid apologies, obvious statements, trite phrases, and awkward statements like “In this paper, I will…” unless the writing situation calls for it.

 Obesity is a very big problem in America today. We watch too much television and eat too much, and it is really hurting us as a people. This paper will discuss why obesity is such a problem and provide a solution to the problem.

 Sandra she put on her shoes and took a long, deep breath. As she walked to the front door, she began to tremble. She put her hand on the doorknob, but a wave of panic washed over her. “I just can’t do it,” she thought. Sandra suffers from agoraphobia, an overwhelming and unnatural fear of being in public. Thousands of invisible Americans suffer from this disease, and the population should be more aware of its effects.

If you have one, share your introduction with the class. What are your concerns about this introduction? Class, offer advice for strengthening this introduction. What strategy would be most likely to HOOK you and motivate you to read this paper?

Try not repeat info from the introduction. You want to restate your thesis somehow, but unless the paper is lengthy and particularly complex, you don’t need to restate the facts. They are the last thing your audience reads. Leave a lasting and good final impression.

Mirror or complete the introduction:  Recall the narrative introduction about Sandra, the agoraphobic woman who was too afraid to leave her own home? When the introduction left off, she was backing away from the front door, unable to work up the courage to go out. The conclusion could revisit Sandra after she has received treatment. It could show how much happier she is with this phobia behind her.

 Challenge the audience to take action from what they have learned:  Bring up remaining questions  What other strategies can you name for writing a strong conclusion?

Now, if you have one, share the draft of your conclusion. What are your concerns about your conclusion? Offer advice for strengthening your classmates’ conclusions. How would you honestly respond to this conclusion and what other strategy might work better and why?

 Remember to complete the Grammar Post-Test this unit. Fifty questions (not exactly the same questions as the pre-test). You have 2 hours to complete it.  Do you have any questions about the post-test?