WEBINAR FOR ONERECOVERY.COM DECEMBER 13TH, 2012 BY CLAIRE GILLENSON, M.A. Creating Coping Strategies

Learn how to create coping strategies BEFORE stressful situations occur.

Why create coping strategies: -Stress drains our energy, drains our hope, our drive -Planning in advance will help us stay focused on what is in front of us vs. things spiral out of control. -Planning in advance will help keep those thoughts from “looping” -help us challenge the negative self “chatter” from spiraling out of control

How do we do this? 1. Create radical acceptance coping statements (from last week) 2. Create alternatives to negative thinking & self-destructive behaviors 3. Create healthy distractions 4.Create self-soothing activities

1. Review of Radical Acceptance Old paradigm: upsetting situation  blindsided with (criticism, rage, judgement) New: Stop trying to change what’s happened by getting angry and blaming the situation NEW possible way of thinking 1.Acknowledge the present situation 2.Try NOT to fight the past, JUDGE it. 3.DON’T be overly critical 4.Re-focus your attention on what you CAN DO NOW. Chances are, your present situation is from a long chain of events that happened in the past. How we deal with the issue IS the issue.

Radical acceptance coping statements Samples: -This is the way it is for now -I can’t change the past -Fighting with my past demons only keeps me from being present to the now -Today, right now is the only moment I have control over -I cannot control others, just me -The present is exactly how it is supposed to be, I don’t have to like it.

2. Samples of negative “chatter” or “thinking” Samples: -The black and white thinker: Looking at things as all or nothing. “If she breaks up with me, I am a failure, loser.” -The negative bomber: Looking at most things from a negative point of view vs. seeing the positive. “It was a lousy evening. I can’t believe I forgot to bring the dessert.” (When the rest of the evening turned out well) -The jumper of conclusions: Thinking someone said something bad about you, or thinking bad thoughts, without actual proof. Negative interpretations. “I bet he thinks I am stupid” or “ I am never going to get another job”. -The labeler: “I’m a loser, I’m a failure, I’m no good at relationship, I suck. Etc”

2. Exercise: How have you been in the past? It’s time to let that go! -The black and white thinker: -The negative bomber: -The jumper of conclusions: -The labeler: Spend a few moments and create a list of where you may have done any of the above. Some middle of the road strategies: Try: -Middle ground thinking (explore options) -Fact or fiction (reality vs. the thinking in the head) -Describing feelings (vs. labeling) -Empowerment (taking control and problem solving vs. swirling in the head)

3. Alternatives to negative thinking - Recognize we cannot change the thoughts of others. There is always going to be someone who doesn’t resonate with us on some level. -Stop and ask yourself, what are you feeling RIGHT NOW, at this moment vs. the runaway train of past bad experiences. Ask yourself WHERE you are feeling it in your body. -Listen to the chatter, without judging or criticizing yourself. -Pay attention to your words. Do you say something positive in a negative way? -Re-phrase a negative thought. Do you use “I can’t”, “bad”, “terrible”, “should” a lot? -Notice if you are in the company of negative people, energy vampires, chronic complainers. Surround yourself with people who support and nurture you. -Distract yourself with positive thoughts

3. Create safe alternative to self-destructive behaviors - Find a positive distraction. What are some pleasurable activities you enjoy or are willing to do? -Write a list of them down. (Get outside, take a walk, just watch the clouds, get a massage, read something funny, go out for something to eat, go to a bookstore and read, draw, paint, make a list of ten things you are good at, you get the idea) -Do something nice for someone else. Take the focus off YOU for the moment. -Think of someone you care about. Keep a photo of them somewhere, and when you are feeling stressed, take it out and imagine a peaceful conversation you would have with that person. You can do the same of a favorite affirmation. -Distract yourself with something on your to-do list. Most of us don’t have enough time to get to chores.

3. Create your healthy distraction plan Identify up to 10 things you are willing to do AHEAD of time before stressful situations occur. Keep them simple and varied, so you have a number of choice to pick from. Write your distractions on an index card or a piece of paper where you have easy access to them or carry it with you in your wallet or purse. Look at them regularly to remind yourself.

4. How do you soothe yourself? ♥ Comfort, nurture, relax and be kind to yourself! HOW: Soothe utilizing your five sense of smell, sight, hearing, taste and touch. Be mindful while doing these activities. Samples: Smell: burn nice smelling candles, smell of home made cookies Sight: Go for a walk, look at nature and find a soothing scene, ie-beach. Carry a photo of someone you love Hearing: Listen to soothing music, nature sounds (ie waves), white noise machine, meditation, soothing water fountain Taste: Make a favorite meal, eat something slowly and really enjoy it, make soothing tea, chew a favorite piece of candy, savor it. Touch: Warm bath, touch something soft with your eyes closed, wear jewelry you like touching.

Review: * ♥ Create radical acceptance coping statements (from last week) ♥ Create alternatives to negative thinking & self-destructive behaviors ♥ Create healthy distractions ♥ Create self-soothing activities *Excerpts taken from The DBT Therapy Skills Workbook

For more information, contact: Claire Gillenson, M.A. Life Transition/Grief Alchemist