L ESSON IN W RITING Tightening Prose

W HAT IS “T IGHTENING P ROSE ” AND W HY IS IT IMPORTANT ? Tightening Prose is the action of getting rid of phrases or words that do not help your argument, and removing any dead weight that makes your writing wordy and confusing. It is a way to trim your writing down to make it more concise and understandable for the reader. “Tightening Prose” is important because:  Helps your audience better understand the author’s point of view.  Alleviates confusion.  Increases a writer’s credibility and professionalism.

H OW ? T HE 4 WAYS TO C ORRECT WORDINESS o Use definite, specific, and concrete language.  For example:  Sentence : The Nazis and Taliban were cool when they first arrived there.  Correction : Both the Nazis and Taliban did not seem evil at first. Contrarily, they improved the cities. For example, the Taliban set up a faster court system than the Pakistani government leading the Pakistanis to believe they were helping the community. In addition, the Nazi’s were living in Jewish households and were pleasant to the citizens. Delete any vague language and replace it with specific details  i.e. that, may, I would say, some, etc.)  For example:  Sentence : I would say that we may have learned from our lesson but there are still people who have not.  Correction : The world has learned from its lesson but human rights are still violated today.

H OW ? C ONT ’ D T HE 4 WAYS TO CORRECT WORDINESS Get rid of dead weight: take out any word or phrase that is not important to your argument. Combine your sentences.  For example:  Sentence: The Holocaust illustrated crime against race. Malala Yousafzai was persecuted for her gender.  Correction: Both the Holocaust and Malala Yousafzai’s story illustrate crime against essential human rights: race, gender, and religion.

E XAMPLE 6-7 period

Night relates to the past current events. People worked on farms and were badly treated. Many were executed and many survived. Just like Malala she was targeted and people wanted to kill her for speaking her mind just as others did because they spoke against what a majority believed in. I would say that most people have learned their lesson, but history may repeat itself in the future. Who knows Let’s fix this one together!

Night relates to past current events such as Malala Yousafzai’s story. In Night the Germans took away the Jew’s right to religion and executed them. Just like the Jews, Malala was targeted and almost killed for speaking against the Taliban. She was also discriminated against for her gender. As a result, both Night and Malala illustrate crimes against human rights, such as freedom of religion, ethnicity, and expression. Consequently, both of these instances, almost seventy years apart, illustrate that history will repeat itself. Corrected Sentence.

E XAMPLE 1-3 period.

Night and Malala Yousafzai are similar in some ways. In the Holocaust they were taking advantage of bc the simple fact that they were Jewish. In Malala’s situation they were taking advantage of because the kids of swat wanted to go to school, and Taliban did not want that. History is repeating itself bc ppl are still ppl.

Night and Malala Yousafzai are similar because, in both instances, human rights are taken away. During the Holocaust, the Germans took advantage of Jews because of their religion. Similarly, in Malala’s situation the Taliban took away her right to education by closing down the Pakistani schools. As a result, both Night and Malala’s story show that history is repeating itself because man’s innate human rights are violated. Corrected Sentence.

N OW IT ’ S YOUR T URN When you receive your paragraph response on Night’s relation to current events, use the handout to “tighten your prose.” Identify and correct any vague statements or language, remove dead weight, and wordiness using the 4 ways to correct wordiness in your notes.