Or “Oh my god, what do I do now? Dennis Galvan Ph.D. Gallaudet University

 Dr Phil  Huggies.com  Parenting Magazines  Your parents, friends, colleagues…  Your child’s teachers  Dr. Spock  Ellen  Mr. Rogers  Big Bird

 Don’t let the baby cry all night.  Yes, your body is making enough milk.  New car seats are safer than ever.  Babies like to be held.  Get regular check ups with your doctor.  Brush your young child’s teeth every day.

 Spare the rod, spoil the child. With a newborn!?  Vaccines cause autism so don’t get your child vaccinated.  All children should be toilet trained by 2.  All children should sleep through the night by 6 months.

 Temperament ◦ The easy child ◦ The difficult child  Attachment ◦ Secure attachments ◦ Insecure attachments  Cultural differences

 Other differences (my three children) ◦ Logical child  When I say no, I must explain everything. If he understands my logic, he will accept it, even if he doesn’t like it. ◦ Impulsive child  When I say no, he is just mad. It doesn’t matter what I say or do. ◦ Sensitive child  When I say no, she cries because she thinks I am upset with her.

 You can be fair without treating (disciplining) them all the same. ◦ One child needs time-out, another needs a toy taken away, another needs a discussion. ◦ Other examples of how you need to discipline two children differently?

 Authoritarian  Authoritative  Permissive ◦ Over-indulgent ◦ Neglectful or uninvolved Diana Baumrind (1971)

 Strict rules with no room for negotiation and no explanation of rules  Restrictive  Punitive  Firm limits and control  Spanking and other physical punishment  Children are often ◦ Insecure ◦ Resist initiating something new due to fear ◦ Have poor communication skills ◦ See rules as outside of themselves and confusing

 Strict rules and expectations but with explanation  Encourages independence and mature behavior  Verbal negotiation (give and take)  Parents are warm, nurturing and supportive  Recognizes a child’s individuality and disciplines accordingly  Explains why some behavior was wrong and offers alternatives

 Children with authoritative parents tend to ◦ Be cheerful ◦ Have internal sense of rules and self control ◦ Be independent, mature and self motivated ◦ Get along well with peers and adults ◦ Cope well with stress

 Highly involved with the child  Few demands or rules  Give the child whatever the child wants  Helicopter parenting  Some parents feel this will encourage creativity and confidence.

 Children of permissive and over indulgent parents often ◦ Do not learn to control their own behavior ◦ Expect to get what they want ◦ Do not learn to respect others ◦ Have problems with peers ◦ Are egocentric

 Parent is uninvolved  No rules, no expectations  Physically or emotionally absent  Parent may be home but watches TV or is texting all the time.  Children tend to be ◦ Socially incompetent and have low self esteem. ◦ Immature and alienated ◦ Truancy and delinquency in adolescence

Accepting and Responsive Rejecting and unresponsive Demanding and controlling AuthoritativeAuthoritarian Undemanding and uncontrolling IndulgentNeglectful or Uninvolved

 Not only do parents train children, but children train parents.  The child stops his or her tantrum when given what he/she wants. Stopping the tantrum rewards the parent for giving in.  Parenting is a tough job and sometimes it is just easier to give in.

 None of us are perfect parents  Sometimes we are all Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent or Neglectful.  The key is where are we most of the time and what do we strive for.

 Santrock, J. (2010) Children, 11 th edition, McGraw Hill Publishers, New York, NY  Photos taken from Bling Images for children, cartoons and other search words.