Drafting and Revision: Organization Copyright © GWIE 2015

Disclaimer All workshops and workshop materials are the sole property of PEGS’ GWIE and may not be published, copied, or disseminated without prior written approval from PEGS’ GWIE; they are for student and faculty use only.

Prewriting or Invention Drafting Re-Writing or Revising Proofreading & Editing Publishing

I. An Excellent Example of a Well- Organized Piece of Writing

…It is crucial to see that the interrogation does not stand outside an episode of torture as its motive or justification: it is internal to the structure of torture, exists there because of its intimate connections to and interactions with the physical pain. Pain and interrogation inevitably occur together in part because the torturer and the prisoner each experience them as opposites. The very question that, within the political pretense, matters so much to the torturer that it occasions his grotesque brutality will matter so little to the prisoner experiencing the brutality that he will give the answer. For the torturers, the sheer and simple fact of human agony is made invisible, and the moral fact of inflicting that agony is made neutral by feigned urgency and significance of the question. For the prisoner, the sheer, simple, overwhelming fact of his agony will make neutral and invisible the significance of any question as well as the significance of the world to which the question refers. Intense pain is world-destroying. In compelling confession, the torturers compel the prisoner to record and objectify the fact that intense pain is world-destroying. It is for this reason that while the content of the prisoner’s answer is only sometimes important to the regime, the form of the answer, the fact of his answering, is always crucial. There is not only among torturers but even among people appalled by acts of torture and sympathetic to those hurt, a covert disdain for confession. The disdain is one of many manifestations of how inaccessible the reality of physical pain is to anyone not immediately experiencing it… - Scarry, Elaine. The Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World (p. 29)

II. Outlines PEGS’ GWIE Organization Workshop I.1 st Example of Good Organization II.Outlines a.Examples i.This Workshop ii.Others on Handout b.Why? c.How? d.Flow of Ideas III.Paragraph Sandwich (Flow of Ideas) a.(Good) Examples i.1 st Example ii.Different Paragraph Sandwiches iii.Short Paragraph taken from OWL b.Less Strong Example taken from OWL IV.Transitions a.Transition Words (Transitions in Paragraphs) b.Transitions Between Paragraphs (1 st Example) c.Vectors V.Reorganizing Your Own Paper a.Signs of Poor Organization i.Anchors/List of Common Issues to Watch Out For ii.An Example taken from OWL b.Methods for Reorganizing i.Color Coding 1)Labeling a)Example 2)Cut & Paste ii.Self-Outlining

Aids in the process of writing Helps you organize your ideas Presents your material in a logical form Shows the relationships among ideas in your writing Constructs an ordered overview of your writing Defines boundaries and groups — OWL Purdue, “Why and How to Create a Useful Outline” Outlines: Why?

Outlines: How? Brainstorm: List all the ideas that you want to include in your paper. Organize: Group related ideas together. Order: Arrange material in subsections from general to specific or from abstract to concrete. Label: Create main and sub headings. — OWL Purdue, “Why and How to Create a Useful Outline”

Definition/Theme least → most (specific, applicable, powerful/influential, flawed/correct, et cetera) i.e. general → specific Background/Narration past → present → future Description right → left bottom → top first → last big → small foreground → background (along an axis/several axes) — Harvey, Michael. The Nuts and Bolts of College Writing (p ) Outlines and Paragraphs: Flow of Ideas

III. Paragraph Sandwich Topic Sentences Example Analysis Transition Sentence *note: 1 paragraph = 1 idea

Pain and interrogation inevitably occur together in part because the torturer and the prisoner each experience them as opposites. The very question that, within the political pretense, matters so much to the torturer that it occasions his grotesque brutality will matter so little to the prisoner experiencing the brutality that he will give the answer. For the torturers, the sheer and simple fact of human agony is made invisible, and the moral fact of inflicting that agony is made neutral by feigned urgency and significance of the question. For the prisoner, the sheer, simple, overwhelming fact of his agony will make neutral and invisible the significance of any question as well as the significance of the world to which the question refers. Intense pain is world-destroying. In compelling confession, the torturers compel the prisoner to record and objectify the fact that intense pain is world- destroying. It is for this reason that while the content of the prisoner’s answer is only sometimes important to the regime, the form of the answer, the fact of his answering, is always crucial. 1. The author sets up the ¶ as a comparison with two subjects: - Torturer - Prisoner 2. Then she establishes her point of comparison: - their relationship to ‘question’ & ‘answer’ 3. Finally, she transitions: - ‘question’ becomes ‘answer,’ which leads to ‘confession’ in the next ¶ Topic Sentences Example 1 Analysis Transition Sentence Example 2 Q A A A A Q Q Paragraph Sandwich: Flow of Ideas

“A good writer arranges material in a way that suits his/her theme.” – from The Nuts and Bolts of College Writing by Michael Harvey, p. 76 Topic Sentence Example 1 Analysis Transition Sentence Example 2 Analysis Example 1.5 Topic Sentence Example 1A Analysis Transition Sentence Example 1B Analysis Example 1C Analysis Topic Sentence Example 1 Analysis Transition Sentence Example 2 Analysis

Topic Sentence Example 1 Analysis Transition Sentence Example 1.5 In this example, the author has used one piece of evidence (example 1.5) to support and clarify another (example 1), and then synthesized the two (with the phrase “narcissistic motivation”). Flow of Ideas: a good example - Source of example: OWL Purdue

Flow of Ideas: a less strong example - Source of example: OWL Purdue What’s missing from this example?

Topic Sentence Example 1 Transition Sentence Example 1.5 Example 2/Counterexample The author does not analyze these examples (making this a simple background paragraph), but with transition words like “similarly” and “however” still describes the relationships between each example. a less strong example contn’d - Source of example: OWL Purdue

IV. Transitions Transitional devices act as bridges between different parts of your paper. Transitional devices are specific words or phrases that help carry a thought from one sentence to another, from one idea to another, and from one paragraph to another. To present a clear train of thought, you must make sure each sentence and each paragraph follows the one before it and leads to the one after it through clear, logical transitions (vectors). — The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 2010d

Transitions: Words in Paragraphs add (e.g., in addition) compare (e.g., however) prove (e.g., because) show exception (e.g., yet) show time (e.g., then) repeat (e.g., as has been noted) emphasize (e.g., certainly) show a sequence (e.g., first, second, third (and so on) give an example (e.g., for example) summarize or conclude (e.g., thus). *Use these devises wisely; never use one without knowing its precise meaning.

…It is crucial to see that the interrogation does not stand outside an episode of torture as its motive or justification: it is internal to the structure of torture, exists there because of its intimate connections to and interactions with the physical pain. Pain and interrogation inevitably occur together in part because the torturer and the prisoner each experience them as opposites… Q A Q …It is for this reason that while the content of the prisoner’s answer is only sometimes important to the regime, the form of the answer, the fact of his answering, is always crucial. There is not only among torturers but even among people appalled by acts of torture and sympathetic to those hurt, a covert disdain for confession. The disdain is one of many manifestations of how inaccessible the reality of physical pain is to anyone not immediately experiencing it… AA A A Transitions: Sentences (Between) Paragraphs “and next, I will deal with the structure of torture…” Note the use of a signpost to keep the reader’s attention moving forward. “pain and interrogation are experienced differently…” The author goes on to discuss interrogation. “confessions are misunderstood because of this difference…” The author then discusses pain in more detail.

Transitions: Vectors 2. Remind the reader where they have been and let them know where they are headed by using transitions. -This is referred to as using vectors (the idea that each paragraph points backwards & forwards). -Introductions, by providing background information, and conclusions, by recommending future areas of study, also follow this rule. 1. It helps to have a visual model of your paper’s organizational structure: what does your paragraph structure look like? 3. Papers build from one topic to the next with one exception: the introduction and conclusion must refer to each other. -FMI: check out our “Introductions & Conclusions” Workshop

V. Reorganizing In graduate writing, every word in your paper should serve the main point (i.e. thesis/hypothesis). There is no room for wasted space.

length – too long/too short? – an intro/conclusion over 1 1 / 2 pages (based on 20p. Paper) – paragraphs that are less than three sentences – one or more paragraphs that are significantly longer than others – sentences that run for more than 3 lines generalizations/non-statements – “there are many different types of…” – “______ is interesting” repetition – of ideas – of words and phrases Reorganizing: Signs of Poor Organization this ¶ is much longer than the others

vagueness (lack of specificity) – Non-specific adjectives (e.g., variety, various, several, many) – Words/phrases that do not convey direct relationships (‘having to do with,’ ‘dealing with,’ ‘in regards to,’ ‘related to’) tangents – Information that is not relevant to your argument. *Removing this information is often painful, but necessary. confusion – Ask yourself: What did I just say? Did I say anything at all? – Passive words/phrases (e.g., might, may) Reorganize: Signs of Poor Organization contn’d

Signs of Poor Organization: an example Using signs of poor organization (length, generalizations, repetition, vagueness, tangents, confusion), tell me: why isn’t this well-organized? - Source of example: OWL Purdue

an example contn’d generalization: the equivalent of saying “there are a lot of ideas about behavior” begins by repeating the idea that “there are a lot of ideas” Summary: 1 sentence has no meaning. 2 out of 3 valid sentences have the exact same structure. The relationship between the themes is unclear; they are all related to motivation, but how? The author gives some a historical-theoretical context, whereas others are a “source” or “essential component.” I know what the author intends to do, but I don’t know why. What is the purpose of the review?

Although theories proposed to explain human behavior are disparate and numerous, a review of the literature reveals five major themes: Self-concept, rewards, internal forces, autonomy/self-control, and narcissism all effect the motivations behind the behavior of societies, and of individuals. It is with this latter, and with the concept of self-motivation, which this paper is concerned. By applying each theme to self-motivation, I hope to illustrate…. an example revised 100 Words 70 Words

Scan your paper for signs of poor organization. – Length, Generalization, Repetition, Tangent, Confusion *Writers will often use one or two stylistic errors (crutches really) more frequently than others. If you can identify the errors you typically make, it will be easier to spot organizational issues later in the paper. Determine the extent of your organizational issues. – Mark areas with symptoms of poor organization. – Is one section less organized than the rest? – Do paragraphs read clearly, while the paper does not (or vise- versa)? Reorganizing: Methods Are you disorganized?

If you find you have many problems at the paragraph level, label sentences or groups of sentences based on their content. – Create a list of general concepts you (want to) touch on. You can create a list based on the section you are working on, or based on the entire paper. Keep the list short: rather than use your full outline, be general. – Assign a number or color to each concept. Colors can give you a strong sense of how frequently you switch from one idea to another. – Read through your paper sentence by sentence (this also works for paragraphs) and label them with your color code. This method requires good use of note-taking and active reading skills. Summarize sentences with 1 – 2 words by asking ‘what is this sentence referring to;’ ‘what purpose does this sentence serve;’ or ‘what is the most important aspect of this sentence’. Methods: #1 Color Coding

example of labeling ideas structure of torture – T & P T & P experience torture T experience torture pain experience pain & confession confession confession disdain …It is crucial to see that the interrogation does not stand outside an episode of torture as its motive or justification: it is internal to the structure of torture, exists there because of its intimate connections to and interactions with the physical pain. Pain and interrogation inevitably occur together in part because the torturer and the prisoner each experience them as opposites. The very question that, within the political pretense, matters so much to the torturer that it occasions his grotesque brutality will matter so little to the prisoner experiencing the brutality that he will give the answer. For the torturers, the sheer and simple fact of human agony is made invisible, and the moral fact of inflicting that agony is made neutral by feigned urgency and significance of the question. For the prisoner, the sheer, simple, overwhelming fact of his agony will make neutral and invisible the significance of any question as well as the significance of the world to which the question refers. Intense pain is world-destroying. In compelling confession, the torturers compel the prisoner to record and objectify the fact that intense pain is world-destroying. It is for this reason that while the content of the prisoner’s answer is only sometimes important to the regime, the form of the answer, the fact of his answering, is always crucial. There is not only among torturers but even among people appalled by acts of torture and sympathetic to those hurt, a covert disdain for confession. The disdain is one of many manifestations of how inaccessible the reality of physical pain is to anyone not immediately experiencing it… - Scarry, Elaine. The Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World (p. 29) P experience torture structure of torture Q A A A A Q Q A Q Q T & P experience torture Confession disdain A

Take your paper apart and put it back together by grouping colors/numbers. – Cut & paste on or off the computer. → – Double check the flow of your ideas, just because you’ve grouped the ideas does not mean one flows to the next. – Be on the lookout for missing and extra information. Smooth out newly grouped concepts. – You may find some sentences that are almost exact repetitions: keep the one that works best for its new location. – You will mostly likely need new transitions throughout the section you are editing after this process. Methods: #1 Color Coding contn’d

Did you follow an outline? – Using active reading, see if your ideas follow the outline. Can you use the paper to recreate your outline? If not, assess the quality of additional/missing content. *If your paper doesn’t follow the outline, it doesn’t always mean that the paper is disorganized. Sometimes it’s the outline that needs to be revised. …didn’t make an outline? – Use active reading to create an outline. Make a short note next to each paragraph which summarizes its main point. List each note you’ve made on a separate paper in order. – Check new ‘outline’ for flow. Have you grouped together similar concepts? Do your ideas follow a conceptual model (i.e. past → present → future; general → specific)? Methods: #2 Self-Outlining

Special Thanks UNC Chapel Hill UC Berkeley Cornell University UNC Wilmington University of British Colombia MLA Purdue OWL Extra Credits Study Guides and Strategies Online And of course…… The Librarians at CSUDH LFC Cain Library

Need further help? Check out PEGS’ GWIE! – Graduate Writing Institute for Excellence Make an appointment – (310) – – Library Reference Desk – (310) or (310) –