Managing Challenging Relationships with Physicians, TeamMembers, and Strategic Partners A pre-course workshop for California Ambulatory and Surgery Association September 21, 2011 Hyatt RegencyMonterey Hotel & Spa by John Engels President Leadership Coaching, Inc. 63 Klink Road Rochester, NY

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© 2011 Leadership Coaching, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 6 California Ambulatory and Surgery Association Managing Challenging Relationships MarkV. Flinn, Ph.D Professor of Anthropology Childhood stress, family relationships and health University of Missouri

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© 2011 Leadership Coaching, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 10 California Ambulatory and Surgery Association Managing Challenging Relationships Lynn Fairbanks, Ph.D Department of Biobehavioral Studies UCLA Primate Center Los Angeles, California

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© 2011 Leadership Coaching, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 18 California Ambulatory and Surgery Association Managing Challenging Relationships Examples of Emotional Immaturity 1. “I havea problem; what are you going to do about it?” 2. “I’m not interested in examining my motives and behaviors.” 3. “You’re not giving me what I deserve.” 4. “I can’t believe the way I’m treated.” 5. “I feel better when I’mfocused on others.” 6. “Why can’t we just all get along?”

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© 2011 Leadership Coaching, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 22 California Ambulatory and Surgery Association Managing Challenging Relationships Reflection Questions 1. What points from this presentation mostcaptured your interest? _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ 2. Circle two forms of emotional immaturity (p. 17) you are most prone to. Please explain. __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ 3. What specific routines help you maintain perspective when challenges pop up? __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ 4. What questions do you have about your own leadership? __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ 5. What specific relationship or leadership challenge would you like to learn how to approach differently? __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________

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© 2011 Leadership Coaching, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 26 California Ambulatory and Surgery Association Managing Challenging Relationships Coaching Skills Summary 1. Take clear “I” positions to build connection and/or to define self to another. 2. Ask thought-provoking,challenging questions to stimulate broader, deeper thinking, and to promote responsibility and maturity. 3. Think about “what’s really going on here?” Observe and discuss “contributing factors,” relationship patterns and processes. 4. Help the person beingcoached to focus on self. 5. Passively listen by refraining from interrupting. 6. Actively listen by reflecting back what you are hearing. 7. Reverse role play if and when appropriate. 8. Manage the relationship triangles. 9. End the meeting with an accountability agreement.

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© 2011 Leadership Coaching, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 30 California Ambulatory and Surgery Association Managing Challenging Relationships Questions to Ignite MeaningfulConversations 1. What parts of your work do you enjoy the most? 2. What parts of your work do you find frustrating? 3. If you could change anything about the work you're doing, what would that be? And how would you change that? 4. What do you need from me in order to be more effective in your work now? What would you want me to do more/less of? 5. When you look at the big picture of your life- work, home, personal health, etc.- how do you think it’s going right now? 6. How are you clicking with your peers? 7. How do you see the company doing? Are there any opportunities or problems that you think we need to pay more attention to? 8. Is there anything specific you'd want to change about your job? 9. Where do you see yourself heading in the future here? 10. What kind of professional development do you need in order to achieve your goals? What are you doing to explore that?

© 2011 Leadership Coaching, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 31 California Ambulatory and Surgery Association Managing Challenging Relationships Preparing for a Coaching Session (A reflection sheet for the person being coached) 1. Evaluateyour follow-through on items from the last session: 2. In what relationship or leadership situations are you unclear? 3. What situations are currently fueling your frustration or anxiety? 4. What conversations do you find yourself avoiding? 5. Who is the most challenging person for you to deal with at this time? 6. What do you need from me that you’re not getting, or need more of? 7. What are you trying to learn about yourself?

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