Lecture 15

Self-Esteem

Love Thyself and Self-Esteem “Love thy neighbor” is one of the world’s best-known human “Love thy neighbor” is one of the world’s best-known human relations principles. relations principles. Yet most people forget that the phrase ends “as thyself” Those last two words are the foundation for accomplishing the first three. Yet most people forget that the phrase ends “as thyself” Those last two words are the foundation for accomplishing the first three. When you maintain your self-esteem, you feel confident and free to express yourself without being overly concerned with others’ reactions; you work to fulfill your needs for achievement, strength, recognition, independence and appreciation – to reach your greatest potential. When you maintain your self-esteem, you feel confident and free to express yourself without being overly concerned with others’ reactions; you work to fulfill your needs for achievement, strength, recognition, independence and appreciation – to reach your greatest potential. If you maintain low self-esteem, you are plagued by doubts and anxieties that limit your ability to achieve success. If you maintain low self-esteem, you are plagued by doubts and anxieties that limit your ability to achieve success.

Self-Esteem “Appreciating my own worth and importance and having the character to be accountable for myself and to act responsibly towards others.” “Appreciating my own worth and importance and having the character to be accountable for myself and to act responsibly towards others.” Self-esteem can be thought of as the sum of self-confidence and self-respect. Self-esteem can be thought of as the sum of self-confidence and self-respect. “There is no value judgment more important to man – no matter more decisive in the psychological development and motivation – than the estimate he passed on himself.” “There is no value judgment more important to man – no matter more decisive in the psychological development and motivation – than the estimate he passed on himself.”

Measure of Self-Esteem Your measure of self-esteem is always a matter of degree. Your measure of self-esteem is always a matter of degree. Your self-esteem reflects what you think and feel about yourself, not what someone else thinks or feels about you, even though you are always reevaluating yourself in light of others’ comments about your behavior. Your self-esteem reflects what you think and feel about yourself, not what someone else thinks or feels about you, even though you are always reevaluating yourself in light of others’ comments about your behavior. Self-esteem includes the personality traits you believe you have, such as honesty, creativity, assertiveness, flexibility, and many more. Self-esteem includes the personality traits you believe you have, such as honesty, creativity, assertiveness, flexibility, and many more. Genuine self-esteem is not expressed by self-glorification at the expense of others or by the attempt to diminish others so as to elevate yourself. Genuine self-esteem is not expressed by self-glorification at the expense of others or by the attempt to diminish others so as to elevate yourself.

Building Process of Self-Esteem “A child’s life is a piece of paper on which every passer-by leaves a mark.” “A child’s life is a piece of paper on which every passer-by leaves a mark.” Parents do not teach their children self-esteem. But they do shape it with positive and negative messages: Parents do not teach their children self-esteem. But they do shape it with positive and negative messages: Bad boy! Bad girl! You’re great! Bad boy! Bad girl! You’re great! You’re so lazy!You can do anything! You’re so lazy!You can do anything! You’ll never learn. You’re a fast learner. You’ll never learn. You’re a fast learner. What’s wrong with you? Next time you’ll do better. What’s wrong with you? Next time you’ll do better. Why can’t you be more like..? I like you just the way you are. Why can’t you be more like..? I like you just the way you are. It’s all your fault. I know you did your best. It’s all your fault. I know you did your best.

Childhood and Self-Esteem Parental discipline is one way of telling children that parents care about them and what they do. Parental discipline is one way of telling children that parents care about them and what they do. When someone cares about you, you tend to think more positively about yourself. When someone cares about you, you tend to think more positively about yourself. The self-esteem formed in childhood lays the foundation of your attitudes toward work, your future success, your personal abilities and the roles you play. The self-esteem formed in childhood lays the foundation of your attitudes toward work, your future success, your personal abilities and the roles you play.

Media and Self-Esteem The media play a strong part in how adolescents see themselves. The media play a strong part in how adolescents see themselves. The beautiful people featured on TV and movies lead adolescents to use these unrealistic images to measure their own attributes and lifestyles. The beautiful people featured on TV and movies lead adolescents to use these unrealistic images to measure their own attributes and lifestyles. It is easy to feel deficient in comparison. It is easy to feel deficient in comparison. Instead of seeing who you really are, you see who you are not and continually reinforce that negative image with your own inner thoughts, often referred to as self-talk. Instead of seeing who you really are, you see who you are not and continually reinforce that negative image with your own inner thoughts, often referred to as self-talk.

Formative Years of Self-Esteem The ages of twelve and eighteen are among the most crucial in developing and consolidating your feelings about yourself. The ages of twelve and eighteen are among the most crucial in developing and consolidating your feelings about yourself. During these years, you are moving away from the close bond between parent and child; and are attempting to establish ideals of independence and achievement. During these years, you are moving away from the close bond between parent and child; and are attempting to establish ideals of independence and achievement. You must also deal with physical changes; relationships with peer groups; an emerging, often confusing identity; and the loss of childhood and the assumption of some adult responsibilities. You must also deal with physical changes; relationships with peer groups; an emerging, often confusing identity; and the loss of childhood and the assumption of some adult responsibilities. Is it any wonder that your self-esteem seemed to change not only day by day but also hour by hour? Is it any wonder that your self-esteem seemed to change not only day by day but also hour by hour?

Thinking and Learning About Yourself 1. Can you recall two or three people from your childhood or adolescence who had a positive effect on your self-esteem? What did these people say or do? What did these people say or do? Were there any who had a negative effect on you? Were there any who had a negative effect on you? What did they say or do? What did they say or do? 2. Identify at least two people who you feel exhibit the characteristics of people with high self-esteem. Explain what behaviors helped you identify them. Explain what behaviors helped you identify them.

Self-Esteem and Public Image “First-rate people hire first-rate people. Second-rate people hire third-rate people.” Individuals with secure self-esteem realize that in helping others succeed, they benefit themselves as well. “First-rate people hire first-rate people. Second-rate people hire third-rate people.” Individuals with secure self-esteem realize that in helping others succeed, they benefit themselves as well. Acceptance of others is a good indication that you accept yourself. Acceptance of others is a good indication that you accept yourself. “People take you at the value you put on yourself. If you believe in your own power, other people will believe you and treat you with the respect you’ve provided for yourself.” “People take you at the value you put on yourself. If you believe in your own power, other people will believe you and treat you with the respect you’ve provided for yourself.”

Hope and Self-Esteem Improving the person’s physical image seemed to create an entirely new individual. Improving the person’s physical image seemed to create an entirely new individual. In the legend, the king longs for an ideal wife. Because no mortal woman meets his expectations, he fashions a statue of his ideal woman out of ivory and eventually falls in love with his creation. His desire to make the statue his wife is so intense that his belief brings it to life. In the legend, the king longs for an ideal wife. Because no mortal woman meets his expectations, he fashions a statue of his ideal woman out of ivory and eventually falls in love with his creation. His desire to make the statue his wife is so intense that his belief brings it to life. “When a doctor can instill some measure of hope, the healing process sometimes starts even before treatment begins.” “When a doctor can instill some measure of hope, the healing process sometimes starts even before treatment begins.”

Mentoring Mentors are people who have been where you want to go in your career and who are willing to act as your guide and friend. Mentors are people who have been where you want to go in your career and who are willing to act as your guide and friend. They take you under your wings and show you how to get to the next step in your career. They take you under your wings and show you how to get to the next step in your career. They act as sponsors, teachers, supervisors and coaches. They act as sponsors, teachers, supervisors and coaches.

Conclusions Self-esteem is just like a driver of a car or a captain of a ship. Self-esteem is just like a driver of a car or a captain of a ship. It can take you to a glorious destination or it can destroy any one’s future. It can take you to a glorious destination or it can destroy any one’s future. Self-esteem is a sum total of self-confidence and self- respect. Self-esteem is a sum total of self-confidence and self- respect. Self-confidence is a product of gaining and using knowledge to do things. Self-confidence is a product of gaining and using knowledge to do things. If you do most of the things successfully, you gain confidence and as a result, the self-worth of yours increases. If you do most of the things successfully, you gain confidence and as a result, the self-worth of yours increases.