When Helping Hurts Our Children

“Our hope is to restore people to a full expression of humanness, to being what God created us all to be, people who glorify God by living in a right relationship with God, with self, with others, and with the rest of creation,” Brian Fikkert. When Helping Hurts

Psalm 78:5-8 (NLT) 5 For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, 6 so the next generation might know them— even the children not yet born— and they in turn will teach their own children. 7 So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands. 8 Then they will not be like their ancestors— stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful, refusing to give their hearts to God.

Matthew 22:37-39 (NLT) 37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the L ORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Over Expect vs. Under Expect

Under Protect vs. Over Protect

You may be an over-helper if…… 1. You need to be needed/wanted by others.

You may be an over-helper if…… 1. You need to be needed/wanted by others. 2. “It is more expedient if I do things myself.”

You may be an over-helper if…… 1. You need to be needed/wanted by others. 2. “It is more expedient if I do things myself.” 3. You worry or are overly concerned with what others think of you or your child.

You may be an over-helper if…… 1. You need to be needed/wanted by others. 2. “It is more expedient if I do things myself.” 3. You worry or are overly concerned with what others think of you or your child. 4. You think taking away your child’s struggle is the only solution to their problem.

In what ways can our over-help hurt? “We are not bringing Christ to poor communities. He has been active in these communities since the creation of the world, sustaining them, Hebrews 1:3 says, by His powerful Word. Hence, a significant part of working in poor communities involves discovering and appreciating what God has been doing there for a LONG time.” - When Helping Hurts

In what ways can our over-help hurt? 1. Building character/skill development. Philippians 1:6(NLT) And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

In what ways can our over-help hurt? 1. Building character/skill development. 2. Building Faith – Feeding of Thessalonians 3:10(NLT) 10 Night and day we pray earnestly for you, asking God to let us see you again to fill the gaps in your faith.

In what ways can our over-help hurt? 3. Building resilience & perseverance It's never easy seeing a student experience distress, but well-meaning adults too quickly and too often rush to the rescue. There are times to intervene, but we must be more judicious in knowing when to let students cope with failure on their own. Otherwise, we will raise a risk-averse generation whose members lack resilience and the crucial ability to rebound from failure. website called Edutopia, written by David Cutler Romans 5:3-5 (NLT) 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Our Hope – God is Good! Matthew 7:7-11(NLT) 7 “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? 10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! 11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

Foolproof Ways to Help 1. Understand Developmental Stages of children. Series by Ames

Foolproof Ways to Help 1. Understand Developmental Stages of children. 2. Determine if your child needs medical intervention.

Foolproof Ways to Help 1. Understand Developmental Stages of children. 2. Determine if your child needs medical intervention. 3. Give God Confidence as opposed to Self Confidence

Foolproof Ways to Help 1. Understand Developmental Stages of children. 2. Determine if your child needs medical intervention. 3. Give God Confidence more than Self Confidence. 4. Pray with your child about their struggles. Mt. 7:7-11 is for them too!

Discussion Questions If you are an over-helper, what is your primary motivation? How can you lean against it? What is a current situation you are in where you are wondering if you should help or hold back? Did anything today help you further your thinking on this? How do you view failure in your own life? How can you help your child have a healthy view of failure? How can you help fill the gaps in your child’s faith? How do others help you fill in the gaps of your own faith? I Thes. 3:10 Think of practical ways you can build God confidence in your child. What promises of scriptures do they need to hear? What character qualities of God do they need to be assured of?