Divorce Before and After

Divorce stats Crude vs. refined divorce rates Crude divorce rates: Percentage of divorces per 1000 Refined divorce rates: Percentage of divorces per 1000 married women older than 15 50% divorce rate= probability of marriages of ending eventually

Refined divorce rates

Some divorce statistics Most of the increase between 1965-1975 Since 1979, the divorce rate has been declining 60 percent of all marriages that result in divorce do so in the first 10 years 80 percent do so within the first 20 years On average, first marriages that end in divorce last about 8 years. Divorce rates have been stable in the last few decades

Why do people divorce? They occur for three interrelated reasons: 1. macro or social 2. demographic 3. micro or interpersonal reasons.

Risk factors associated with divorce Remarriage is more likely to end in divorce. Premarital sex and cohabitation before marriage increase the likelihood of divorce Premarital pregnancy and childbearing increase the risk of divorce in a subsequent marriage.

Protective factors in divorce Statistics Percent Decrease in risk of divorce Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000)  -30 Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage) -24 Marrying over 25 years of age (vs. under 18)  Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents)  -14 Religious affiliation (vs. none)  Some college (vs. high-school dropout)  -13

Discussion: What are your values about divorce? Can divorce be necessary in certain situations? If yes, when? Domestic violence? Sexual and emotional abuse? Addictions?

Common myths about divorce Myth: Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages Fact: the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages. Myth: Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing. Fact: those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing.

Common myths about divorce Myth: Deciding to have a child together will help a couple to improve their marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce. Fact: The most stressful time in a marriage is after the first child is born. Myth: Even when parents don’t get along, children are better off if their parents stay together than if they get divorced. Fact: In high conflict marriages, children’s adjustment is better if parents get a divorce.

Based on Exchange theory Rewards to divorce Individual freedom Belief of finding happiness with someone else Physical and emotional security in case of domestic violence, abuse etc. Costs to divorce Financial strain (i.e. child support etc.) Separation from children Physical/residual relocation

Different aspects of divorce Emotional Legal Community: Psychic Economical

Emotional Divorce The emotional divorce begins long before any legal steps are taken. One or both partners may feel disillusioned or unhappy in their marriage. The couple may share the house and the rearing of the children but may not be emotionally sharing a life. The couple may not want to let go of the relationship because of their routines, loyalty to marriage vows, fear of being alone, children etc.

Legal Divorce The formal dissolution of a marriage. Couples reach agreements on issues like custody of children and an economic dissolution of assets. Some issues may include alimony and child support.

Economic Divorce During the economic divorce the couple may argue about what bills each will be responsible for and about issues of other. Redistribution of assets Alimony and child support

Community Divorce Partners go through this when they inform family and friends, teachers and others that they are no longer together. Some people actually send out formal cards announcing their divorce, others do it more informally. Loss of contact with old friends, in-laws etc.

Psychic Divorce This is the final stage in which the couple separate from each other emotionally and establish separate lives. One or both spouses may undergo a period of mourning. Some never complete this stage because they cannot let go of the pain, anger and resentment toward the spouse. Grief stages: DABDA Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance

How is divorced experienced by women vs. men? His divorce Fewer joys of fatherhood Custodial fathers have to make radical readjustments in their life styles Stronger negative reactions for shorter period of time Her divorce Role overload: full-time mother and full-time employment Feelings of depression and helplessness: questioning their physical attractiveness Loss of identity especially if it was tied to the husband’s identity. Less severe but longer reactions

Divorce and children: Why are there negative effects? Number of children in new divorces each year as of 1997: 1 million Life stress perspective: Stressful series of life events (moving, change of school) that require adjustment Parental loss perspective: Family with both parents living in the same household is ideal for the child Parental adjustment perspective: “Spill-over effect”. The parent might not be emotionally available to the child. (ex. About a boy) The economic hardship perspective: Less financial stability Interparental conflict perspective; Conflict between parents prior to, during and after divorce. Fighting through children, or bribe children

Custody

Custody Joint custody: Joint legal and physical custody Children live with each parent on an equal basis Joint legal custody (only one physical custodian parent) Both parents participate in important decisions but only one parent has residential right.

Child Support Child support is usually a critical issue. Because mothers get sole custody is 84% of cases most court ordered child support is paid by fathers. Nearly half of all men neither see not support their children. The number of non custodial fathers who saw their children did rise from 18% in 1976 to 31% in 2002. A parent is most likely to receive full child support payments if she or he has at least a college degree, has divorced (rather than breaking up outside of marriage), and is over 40 years of age.

Parent Education on Divorce Help parents get through this process more easily. Help parents to adequately tell their children about divorce Tell your child together. Keep things simple and straight-forward. Tell them the divorce is not their fault. Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone. Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their parents.. Tell parents what NOT TO DO: Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the child. Do not try to “bribe the child” to take sides

Divorce and humor My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. Question: Why is divorce so expensive? Answer: Because it's worth it. Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.“ Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

Divorce and humor Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener! When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. Q.  What is the definition of divorce? A.  The screwing you get for the screwing you got.