Alberta School Councils Conference April 28, 2014 Conflict Resolution Alberta School Councils Conference April 28, 2014

Workshop Objectives Participants will… explore their preferred conflict management style and learn how to work with others who have different styles Learn about the Drama Triangle and the roles we play in conflict Learn how to recognize unmet needs – theirs and other’s – that are causing interpersonal conflict Learn about the ADR Institute of Alberta and its professional development program What we will be teaching you is how not to communicate like Trump

Where there are two people, there is the possibility of conflict.

Conflict Stories We are innocent The other person is not

Personal Conflict Styles Inventory Read the instructions on page one of the Personal Conflict Style Inventory Read the statements and circle the number that best reflects your approach Remember: There are no right or wrong styles Your first gut reaction is the one to go with Answer how you really are, not how you wish you were

You will be divided into groups based on your style You will be divided into groups based on your style. Work in your style groups and flip chart the following: 1. What do you need others to know about your style? 2. When would it be appropriate to use this style? 3. When would it not be appropriate to use this style? 4. What are the strengths of your style? 5. What is a song that represents your style?

Conflict Management Styles High Focus on Agenda Compromising Competing Collaborating Avoiding Accommodating Focus on Relationship Low High

Responding to Conflict Two factors strongly shape our choice of conflict style: 1. How hard do we push for the things we want, our agenda? 2. How much attention do we give to the relationship? When we put the two factors together we get five different styles of responding to conflict. Each has a special focus and a unique set of strengths and weaknesses

The Drama Triangle Villain Victim Hero

Alligator River Story

Understanding Conflict

Think Feel Do Loop THOUGHTS EVENT FEELINGS OUTCOMES BEHAVIOURS

Positions: a point of view or attitude on a certain question or situation. Issues: a point or matter of discussion, concern or debate Interests: a collection of needs and motivators that a person must have met by any resolution or agreement. Interests are any expression of priorities, expectations, aspirations, concerns, hopes, beliefs, fears, values, and needs.

Identifying Issues Issues must be Neutral Negotiable Examples Sale of the company vs. Future of the company Respectful communication A communication plan

Exploring Interests Priorities Beliefs Expectations Fears Assumptions Common interests = building blocks for understanding Priorities Beliefs Expectations Fears Assumptions Values Concerns Needs Hopes

Exploring Interests A couple is planning their vacation one wants to go to Paris and the other wants to go to an all inclusive in Mexico. How can exploring their interests help them resolve the issue of “vacation plans”?

5X Exercise

Questioning Skills Open-ended = “whatever . . . “(your choice) Closed-ended = “yes” “no” “maybe so” (my choice)

Anger and Threat

Anger Arousal Cycle The Joy of Conflict Resolution – Gary Harper

Anger https://www.littlethings.com/who-scratched-my-car/

Defusing Strategies Your Anger Be aware of your triggers Be aware of what is happening physically and emotionally Breathe Count to 40 (backwards) Choose collaboration over avoidance Focus on what the other is feeling and their reasons Use productive self talk

Defusing Strategies Their Anger Remain calm yourself Non-verbally reassure the other person Encourage talking Show understanding Commit to resolving the issue Help the other person save face

Questions?

Resources & expertise to prevent & manage conflict in a healthy way. Alberta’s professional association of mediators, arbitrators and other ADR practitioners. Resources & expertise to prevent & manage conflict in a healthy way.   ADR Information Dispute Resolution Training Directory of ADR Professionals Customized Corporate Training Select & Appoint Paul to start

Dispute Resolution Training ADR Information On our website you can learn­ about Alternative Dispute Resolution, how to choose a qualified ADR specialist, or­ where to access government and non-profit ADR services in Alberta. Dispute Resolution Training Strengthen your conflict management skills for personal or professional development, or train to be­ a mediator or arbitrator.­ Directory of ADR Professionals Use our free online directory ­to find an accredited mediator, arbitrator, or other dispute resolution specialist anywhere in the province. Customized Corporate Training Customized corporate and group training help your team develop leadership skills, build relationships and resolve conflict in a healthy way. Select and Appoint A fee-for-service process for­ parties who need assistance finding a mediator or arbitrator with specialized knowledge. Paul to start

Strengthen your conflict management skills for personal or professional development.   Communications in ADR (6 days) Explore perceptions of conflict and learn practical, hands-on skills to build a foundation in preventing and managing disputes in a productive manner. (Pre-requisite for the National Introductory Mediation Course) Edmonton: July 4-6 & July 11-13 September 28-30 & October 12-14 Calgary: September 21-23 & October 12-14  Conflict Management for HR Professionals (5 days) This course introduces Human Resources professionals to the field of informal conflict management and the broad spectrum of conflict management approaches available to organizations. Calgary: November 2-4 & November 23-24 Edmonton: November 16-18 & November 30-December 1 Paul to start