In the name of Allah who is the most Beneficial and Merciful.

HABIT:5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

HERCEZ-BA-DA-NA-NE-GOREY HERCEZ-BA-DEEPLY UDERSTANDING- KAWAY DON’T TAKE ANY THING SUPPERFICIAL BUT SEE DEEPLY TOUNDER STAND

Over view I learned from this habit that it is more important to listen than it is to speak. This habit centre around the understanding of the other person - what they want, need and aspire to as well as what their motivations and mindset are.

Over view Generally when we listen we don't understand at all. We may think we do, but we don't. When we listen everything is "understood" within our own frame of reference. When people have a problem, or ask for advice, we see it from our point of view not theirs; we've failed to understand completely.

Over view Unless we understand them, we can't help or influence the situation as we can't see the world through their eyes. Old saying of "In order to understand someone you have to walk 100 miles in their shoes"

Principle Of Effective Listening The single most important principle in the field of interpersonal relations is this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Most people listen, not with the intent to understand, but with the intent to reply.

Principle Of Effective Listening Where does understanding begin? Demanding to be understood is a way of saying, "You open your mind for me. " Wanting to understand the other person is a way of saying, "I'll open my mind for you." The two are so different in tone and meaning that it's hard to do both at the same time.

Principle Of Effective Listening We generally focus on one or the other. Most people want only to be understood. At the root of personality conflicts is the feeling that "he or she doesn't understand me."

PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC COMMUNICATION “The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.” (Pascal)

PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC COMMUNICATION Empathy is a Greek word. The em-part of the empathy means "in." The -pathy part comes from pathos, which means "feeling“.

PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC COMMUNICATION We have empathy when we place ourselves within the other person, so to speak, in order to experience his feelings as he experiences them. Empathy does not mean we agree; it means simply that we understand the other point of view.

Character and Communication The real key to your influence with me is your own example. Your example flow out of your character or the kind of person you truly are--- not what others say you are or what you may want me to think you are.

Character Makes Personality Character makes personality executive. Your character is constantly radiating, communicating.

Character Makes Personality Character depends upon two factors, Private performance Public performance These are the key of character If your private performance don't square with your public performance it is very hard for me to open up with you.

Types of Communication Listening Communications Reading Writing Speaking

EMPATHIC LISTENING It is sometimes the more appropriate emotion and response. Often feed on sympathy, it makes them dependent

EMPATHIC LISTENING The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it’s that you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually. When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent understand.

EMPATHIC LISTENING I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand. It’s an entirely different paradigm. Empathic listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel.

Typical Listening Responses Ignoring:- not listening at all Pretending:- not listening at all, but with mindless Responses:- (“Uh-hum”, “Yeah, that’s really interesting”) Selective listening:- not listening to everything, but hearing what you want to hear

Typical Listening Responses Attentive listening really listening to the words Effective listening is about really wanting to listen, wanting to understand the other. To achieve this you have to go beyond the words.

Diagnose Before You Prescribe It is a great principle manifest in many areas of life. You wouldn’t have any confidence in a doctor’s prescription unless you had confidence in the diagnosis.

Diagnose Before You Prescribe The key to good judgment is understanding. By judging first, a person will never fully understand. Seek first to understand is a correct principle evident in all areas of life.

EXAMPLES: When our daughter Jenny was only two months old, she was sick one Saturday the day of a football game in our community . It was a important game----- An effective sales person first seeks to understand the needs, the concerns, the situation of the customer.

EXAMPLES: The professional lawyer first gathers the facts to understand the law before preparing a case. A good lawyer almost writes the opposing attorney’s case before he writes his own.

EXAMPLES: A good engineer will understand the forces, the stresses at work, before designing the bridge. A good teacher will assess the class before teaching. A good student will understand before he applies. A good parent will understand before evaluating or judging.

Understanding and Perception When you listen deeply to other people, you will discover tremendous difference in perception. You will also begin to appreciate the impact that these differences can have as people try to work together in interdependent situations.

Difference in Perception Every one has its own perception You see the young woman; I see the old lady. And both of us can be right. You may look at the world through spouse-centered glasses; I see it through the money-centered lens of economic concern.

Difference in Perception You may be scripted in the abundance mentality; I may be scripted in the scarcity mentality. You may approach problems from a highly visual, holistic right brain paradigm; I may be very left brain’.

Difference in Perception Our perceptions can be vastly different. Yet we both have lived with our paradigms for years, thinking they are “fact” and questioning the character or the mental competence of anyone who can’t “see the facts”.

Seek to be Understood Seed first to be understood then to be understood. Knowing how to be understood is the solution of win/win. Seeking to be understand is requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage. Win/win requires highly degree of both.

Example An effective sales person first seeks to understand the needs, the concerns, the situation of the customer. The amateur salesman sells products; the professional sells solutions to needs and problems.

Then Seek to Understood According to Philosophy of Greeks people Greek people believe in three word logos ethos, and pathos.

Logos; is the logic, the reasoning part of the presentation Logos; is the logic, the reasoning part of the presentation. Pathos; is the empathic side-it is the feeling. Ethos; is your personal credibility, the faith people have in your integrity and competency.