Emotional Intelligence The key to dealing with difficult people

Emotional Intelligence (EI): The Key to Dealing with Difficult People Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity: for recognizing our own feelings and those of others. for motivating ourselves. for managing emotions well in ourselves and in interaction with others.

This workshop explores: the basic social and emotional competencies of emotional intelligence and, how beginning a process of building these competencies can help us in our interactions with clients and community agencies.

Emotions are ________________

Emotions are information.

EI is defined as: A form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action. Peter Salovey and John Mayer

Why is EI the key to dealing with difficult people? EI will help you: Develop the ability to identify and control your own emotions to avoid “emotional pileups.” Stay focused and productive during stress and conflict. Perceive emotions that will give you information to work with when dealing with others.

Photos 3 slides Mean secretary (DSS) Angry man – over income, your fault Resistant manager – I don’t think any of our clients would be interested in THAT

Five Basic Competencies Daniel Goleman

Self-awareness What am I feeling? How can I use this information in a positive way? Well-grounded self-assessment: What are my strengths and where can I improve?

Self-regulation Use feelings to facilitate the task at hand Conscious of goals Rebounding well from stressful situations at work

Motivation Use awareness to: Take initiative Strive to improve Persevere in the face of setbacks

Empathy Aware of what others are feeling Perspective taking Engage with diverse people

Social Skills Accurately read situations Using your improved awareness to lead, encourage cooperation and team work.

First focus: Self-awareness

Fight Flight Faint Freeze Let’s look at why it takes practice and why you will have missteps.

The lower brain Hippocampus: Memory, attaches emotions and senses to memory. Remembers fight, flight, faint, or freeze. Hypothalamus: Moods, temperature, hormonal processing Lower Brain develops earlier than frontal regions Amygdala: Integrates emotions, emotional behavior and motivation

The lower brain: flight, fight, freeze, faint Hypothalamus: Moods, temperature, hormonal processing Amygdala: Integrates emotions, emotional behavior and motivation Hippocampus: Memory, attaches emotions and senses to memory. Remembers fight, flight, faint, or freeze. Lower Brain develops earlier than frontal regions

Stop and Listen: Thoughts and Body

Identify the emotion(s). What is my body telling me? Honestly assess what is causing the emotion.

Know what flips your switch.

Scenarios After greater self-awareness then what? Empathy and perspective taking. Take five minutes and role play. One is difficult person, one is NOEP. What emotions was each one feeling? Did you perceive that in the other? What happened when the NOEP wouldn’t pick up the rope.

Emotions are

Emotions are contagious!

Identify the emotion(s). What is my body telling me? Honestly assess what is causing the emotion.

Second focus: Self-regulation

Take action to break the cycle

Don’t pick up the rope!

B A Ask yourself: What’s the goal? What emotions do I need to get from here to there? What logically gets me there? B A

work is a mess! Actively acknowledge that sometimes,

Keep a journal: Note your emotions during the day What I felt when___? Look for patterns Reflect on what would have worked better Practice

Third focus: Motivation

Use awareness to: Take initiative to move toward goals. Strive to improve, keep up practice and self-awareness. Persevere in the face of setbacks. Be mindful not to retreat to old patterns.

Fourth focus: Empathy

Empathy: Awareness of what others are feeling: What the other person is feeling in that situation, not what you would feel in that situation.

Empathy: Perspective taking What is happening from the other person’s perspective? What need is this person’s behavior fulfilling for him or her? We all just want to be heard.

Resources

Check your library or interlibrary loan: Emotional intelligence and social intelligence Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence and Working with Emotional Intelligence S. Michael Kravitz, Ph.D. and Susan Schubert, M.A., Emotional Intelligence Works. Michael Carroll, Awake at Work.

Online: The Center for Nonviolent Communication: Feelings inventory. https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory Greater Good: How well do you read other people? www.greatergood.berkeley.edu/ei_quiz/

1. Know your emotions 4. Recognize and understand other peoples’ emotions (Empathy) 2. Manage your emotions 3. Self-motivate 5. Manage relationships (Social skills)

Diana Lezette Training and Instructional Design Coordinator Hunger Solutions New York 518-436-8757 x. 122 Diana.Lezette@hungersolutionsny.org

Prepared by a project of Hunger Solutions New York; funded by NYSOTDA and USDA/FNS. This institution is an equal opportunity provider.