RELATIONSHIPS LOVE AND INTIMACY

LOVE is……

RELATIONSHIPS Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Communication LOVE and BELONGING are considered basic human needs Communication Key ingredient in healthy relationships with others Healthy Relationships Require mutual concern and effort to maintain Ever-changing Each Person has Many Different Relationships Each relationship is unique Many different theories on LOVE….we will explore one well-recognized theory

STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE THREE COMPONENTS IN LOVE RELATIONSHIPS: INTIMACY PASSION COMMITMENT

8 TYPES OF LOVE RELATIONSHIPS Non-love

Types of Love relationships – 1 component Liking (Friendship) Infatuation Empty Love

8 Types of Relationships - 2 components Romantic Love Fatuous (or Fantasy) Love Companionate Love

8 types of relationships – 3 components CONSUMMATE (or complete) LOVE

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Moved this slide up! Update the triangle to match 5.3.

ENHANCING RELATIONSHIPS INTIMACY Spending time together Doing things for each other Sharing experiences Writing letters, notes PASSION Smiling Hugging Arm around waist or shoulder Holding hands Kissing Gentle or playful touching Sexual behaviors COMMITMENT Making future plans together Making joint decisions Working toward mutual goals

INGREDIENTS FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP INTIMACY COMMITMENT PASSION CARING TRUST SELF-ACCEPTANCE RESPECT AND APPRECIATION GOOD COMMUNICATION ABILITY TO BE VULNERABLE SHARED VALUES AND INTERESTS ABILITY TO FACE CONFLICT EFFECTIVELY SUPPORT FOR EACH PERSON TO GROW AND CHANGE

LOVE Strong friendship Excitement Affection Physical arousal Being in love stage Falling in love stage Strong friendship Affection Deep attachment Support of each other’s strengths Ability to bring out the best in each other Familiarity and comfort with each other Tolerance of the other person’s weaknesses Ability to work through disagreements Mutual respect Excitement Physical arousal Inability to focus Eat and sleep less Constant thoughts Talking centered on the other person Worry won’t last Overestimate strengths while underestimate weaknesses Avoidance of conflict

RELATIONSHIP BEHAVIOR CONTINUUM HEALTHY UNHEALTHY ABUSIVE________ Partners = One partner > rights One dominates Talk re: feelings Ignore feelings or shout Demean or put down Openly state diff. opinions Reluctant to share opinions Fear expressing Respectful w/ friends Demands partner’s attention Isolating from friends Respecting partner’s actions Pouting/sulking Name-calling, yelling, ridiculing Considering partner’s wants Silent treatments, betrays Breaking, throwing, confidences damaging property Equal say Pestering partner to behave Threatening Respectful touching Pushing the limits continually Physical abuse Trusting behavior Possessive Behavior Extreme jealousy Feel heard, cared for, free Submissive or dominance Confining, imprison Learning from & support Demeaning, hurtful teasing Sexual putdowns Honest communication Poor listening & refusal to talk Shows anger, threatens

ATTRACTIVENESS TRAITS In what order of importance would you rank the following traits when choosing a partner? Physical appearance Good personality Athletic ability Sense of humor Wealth Common interests

Ending relationships WARNING SIGNS that a relationship has run its course: A change in communication An increase in the number of unresolved conflicts A change in the amount and quality of time spent together Emotional or physical abuse

GUIDELINES FOR ENDING RELATIONSHIPS Make the decision Prepare for uncomfortable feelings Choose a place **** (never in your own home or privately if afraid of their reaction) Explain your reasons (…but not over and over and over) Make the end final

RECOVERING FROM THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP Connect with friends Thought Stopping Realistic thinking (rather than idealizing the former partner or friend) Building self-esteem Developing other relationships – cultivate the other relationships in your life (not a rebound romance)

Ending an abusive or unhealthy relationship Can be difficult or even DANGEROUS! If you don’t feel safe, don’t break up in person If in person, do it in a PUBLIC PLACE Explain just once your reasons for breaking up LET YOUR FRIENDS AND PARENTS KNOW IF YOUR EX TRIES TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE WHEN YOU’RE ALONE, DON’T GO TO THE DOOR TRUST YOURSELF…if afraid, there is probably a good reason ASK FOR HELP: National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline Avoid isolated areas Stick with a friend at parties Save any threatening or harassing emails or texts If ever in immediate danger, CALL 911