Lesson 6 Is it a Healthy Relationship? In Lesson 6 we want to achieve the following goals: 1. To analyze the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships 2. To demonstrate using a three-question guide in assessing a relationship LN 2.1 MANUAL Lesson 6.1 page 75 Is it a Healthy Relationship?

How Does It Feel? Ask 3 Questions Unhealthy Conditional? Controlling or Disrespectful? Mostly about Sex or Material Things? Selfish? Healthy Unconditional? Respectful, Equal, and Supportive? Attraction on Many Levels? Giving In the last lesson we talked about principles for smart relationships. Now we’re going to go deeper and look for signs of a healthy versus unhealthy relationship.  There are three essential questions you can ask to determine if a relationship is healthy or unhealthy…these can even apply to friendships. These three questions are simple but if you answer them honestly you can get a good sense of if the relationship you are in is healthy or not.  “Is this relationship conditional or unconditional?”  “Is this relationship controlling/disrespectful or is it respectful, equal and supportive?”  “Is this relationship mostly about sex, material things, or selfish or attraction on many levels and giving?”  We’re going to do a fun activity to explore what those types of relationships look like. . 2.1 MANUAL Lesson 6.1 page 76

Sculpting Activity One person reads card aloud to group. Discuss it: Have you seen any relationships like this in real life? What specific behaviors would be seen in that type of relationship? What symbols or images or scenes would represent this kind of relationship? How would it feel? Make a sculpture to represent it.! Refer back to Goals 1 and 2:  1. To analyze the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships.  2. To demonstrate using a three-question guide in assessing a relationship.  Ask one participant to read one card (Resource 6a, Six Types of Relationships activity cards) aloud to the group to demonstrate this activity.  Discuss it:  Have you seen any relationships like this in real life?  What specific behaviors would be seen in that type of relationship?  How would it feel to be in this type of relationship?  If you made a sculpture to represent this kind of relationship what symbols, images or scenes would you use?  Sculpting Activity: Instructions for this activity can be found in section 6.1 in the manual. LN 2.1 MANUAL Lesson 6.1 page 76-77

Equal, Respectful And Supportive Our couple is in a canoe and this symbolizes that they are together. Our couple enjoys romantic canoe rides together (the heart). They both have to work hard (the oars) to make it safely down the dangerous river, but they think it’s worth the effort. There are waves and rocks along the way (just like the challenges in relationships) but as a team they get through them. Is this healthy or unhealthy? Read Slide. Is this healthy or unhealthy? • Healthy • Same interests • Same goals, values “worth the effort” • Willing to work hard together • Must communicate as they navigate down the river to actually make it. LN 2.1 MANUAL Lesson 6.1 page 77

Mostly About Sex Or Material Stuff It’s mostly about two people who only have sex with each other. They are in a fancy bed (marshmallows on sticks represent fancy bedposts to show that’s all they value.) She wears fancy underwear. But, they are caged in with each other (represented by pipe cleaner rope around the bed) because nothing else is important. There’s not much else to their relationship. Is this healthy or unhealthy? Read Slide. Is this healthy or unhealthy? Ask the group how a mostly sexual/material things relationship might look or feel to either partner. (Note to Instructor: If you feel like this scenario will bring out an immature response, you may choose to not include this one.) After you show this slide go back to slide 3 and leave it up so the group can refer to it for directions during the sculpture activity. LN 2.1 MANUAL Lesson 6.1 page 77

Forms of Safety that Define Healthy Relationships Physical Safety Emotional Safety Trust and Commitment Safety Poll: Ask the group if they agree or disagree with this statement: “Feeling safe in a relationship is the ultimate test of a healthy relationship.” There are three types of safety we will talk about with regards to healthy relationships: Physical Safety – Can you think of any examples? It can be easy to come up with examples of what it means to be physically unsafe and most would agree on the line between physically safe and physically unsafe. What about emotional safety? Emotional Safety – Can you think of any examples? This kind of safety comes from being accepted and free to be yourself. You feel safe to say what’s on your mind and in your heart. The ability to be honest and open brings a sense of emotional connection that we’ve already discussed is important to developing a strong relationship. Trust & Commitment Safety means knowing your partner/friend will be there for you. They’ve got your back and are reliable. There is a belief that you can have a future with this person. Not every relationship does or even should get to this level but like our other pyramids these levels of safety build on each other to create strong, healthy, and safe relationships. With that in mind remember that you cannot truly have trust and commitment without physical and emotional safety. And don’t assume that because there is no physical violence and you can talk freely with each other that it’s safe to trust the other person. As we’ve discussed there are a lot of important factors that go into building a relationship and time is one of them. Trust & Commitment Safety come with time. LN 2.1 MANUAL Lesson 6.1 page 78 Feeling SAFE in a relationship is the ultimate test of a healthy relationship!

Is It a Healthy Relationship? Workbook Exercise: pgs. 19-20 Examine your current or past relationship (or a friend’s relationship). Put a check on the line where it falls/fell on the three categories. Identify behaviors that would move a relationship closer to the healthy/safe side. Jot down a few. Workbook Exercise: Is It a Healthy Relationship? (pgs. 19-20) Examine your current or past relationship (or a friend’s relationship). Put a check on the line where it falls/fell on the three categories. Identify behaviors that would move a relationship closer to the healthy/ safe side. Write down a few. (Encourage them to assess their own relationship if they are in one.) LN 2.1 MANUAL Lesson 6.1 page 78-79

Trusted Adult Connection Talk to your Trusted Adult about the concept of healthy and unhealthy relationships and tell them about the 3 questions you learned:  Does it feel conditional?  Does it feel controlling?  Does it feel mostly sexual or material? Ask your person if he or she feels these three questions would give someone a good sense of how healthy or unhealthy a relationship really is. Do they have additional ideas? Read Slide.

Making Relationships Work For Young Adults & Young Parents These Slides are For Use With The Love Notes v2.1 Evidence Based Program Model Use of the free PowerPoint Presentation is limited to the purchased Love Notes v2.1 EBP Model. Reproduction of art and photos in the presentation is unauthorized. Presentation created in Microsoft® PowerPoint. Photos used with permission from IStockPhoto® and BigStockPhoto. All Rights Reserved. Some clipart created and used with permission from Randy Clark. Additional art and photos used with permission from PREP®. All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2016, 2012, 2011. The Dibble Institute. All Rights Reserved.

Making Relationships Work For Young Adults & Young Parents Duplicate this template slide to make customized slides for your group.