Heart and Soul Connection Strengthening Marriage in ISKCON By the Grihastha Vision Team

Bridging the Gender Gap What are the three strengths the other gender group brings to relationships? What do you want the other gender to understand about your gender? What did you learn from hearing from the other gender group?

Question 1: Brainstorm a list of symptoms of unhealthy marriages and the consequences of broken and dysfunctional families to individual, family, ISKCON and Society at large. Question 2: Brainstorm list symptoms of healthy marriages and the benefits of strong health families to individual, families, ISKCON and society at large.

Question 1: Unhealthy Individuals Anxiety , Families emotional problems in kids, ISKCON diminished preaching, Society at large increased mental illness, Brainstorm a list No laughter, resentment, Symptoms of unhealthy marriages Consequences of broken & dysfunctional families

12 Principles for Successful Krishna Conscious Family Life Alignment with Srila Prabhupada Spiritual Growth and Progress Spiritual Equality / Material Difference Positive and Realistic Vision Mutual Respect and Appreciation Commitment and Dedication Open and Honest Communications Personal and Social Responsibility Economic Development and Prosperity Focus on Children’s Welfare Family Love and Affection Regulated, Balanced and Exemplary Lifestyle

Take Home Exercise#2  Understand the importance of nurturing one’s own marriage and supporting healthy marriages in ISKCON for the benefit of self, family, community, greater ISKCON and society at large.

Take Home- Exercise #1 Everyone goes through similar challenges. It’s a normal part of learning to live together. There are skills and attitudes that can be learned to improve relationships.

Difference can be honored Differences can strengthen marriages if we use the Tṛṇād api Marriage Model.

The Tṛṇād api Marriage Model Be tṛṇād api… with chanting it is the key Respect and humility…. Be tṛṇād api. H umility E mpathy Appreciation R espect T olerance

H umility E mpathy A ppreciation R espect T olerance Tṛṇād api is the KEY! H umility E mpathy A ppreciation R espect T olerance To a Heart and Soul Connection

H Tṛṇād api is the KEY! Humility Seek first to understand and then to be understood. Listen attentively, show interest, and be present. Admit mistakes, make amends. Practice forgiveness and letting go of resentments.

E Tṛṇād api is the KEY! Empathy In conflict, your partner usually is feeling the same negative feelings you are- just for a different reason. Be compassionate and reach out to help them.

A Tṛṇād api is the KEY! Appreciation Focus on the good qualities in your spouse and others. Express appreciation and gratitude. It’s a skill that can and should be cultivated.

R Tṛṇād api is the KEY! Respect Believe in your partner’s sincerity to be the best person they can be. (Api cet sudaracaro)

T Tṛṇād api is the KEY! Tolerance 70% of marital disagreements are not solvable but can be managed. Change the things that can be changed. Accept the things that can’t be changed. Pray for the wisdom to know the difference.

What is the Grihastha Vision Team Development and facilitation of grihastha courses- online soon!! Mentoring and mentor training Website and newsletters www.VaisnavaFamilyResouces.org Booths and presentations at festivals Yearly retreats Influence national and local policies on marriage and family Book: Heart and Soul Connection: A Devotional Guide to Marriage, Service & Love.

Encouraging Premarital Education Why it is so important

The Importance of Premarital Education in ISKCON It creates shared meaning within a couple. Participation shows the significance of marriage is important to them. Couples realize their marriage is devotional service. The education focuses on giving couples the knowledge of what makes a relationship successful and has them practice the skills to improve in all different areas.

The Importance of Premarital Education Teaches skills for healthy relationships within the entire family. Has long reaching outcomes that will promote a society of healthy relationships. Proven to lower divorce rates.

What is Premarital Education Both scriptural and secular research has illuminated areas of knowledge and relationship skills that help contribute to the development, success and lasting quality of a happy, loving marriage. Compatibility Expectations Personalities as well as families of origin Communication Conflict resolution Financial responsibility Intimacy Long-term goals Spiritual foundations

How can this strategy be implemented? Develop the culture within ISKCON Train successful couples to mentor new couples Mandate it before performing yajnas in our temples Get priests on board  

Mentor Couples Identifying Mentor Couples, Training & Certifying them to become Mentors for Others

Characteristics of Mentor Couples In a healthy marriage Married at least 7 years Willing, committed to assisting others Have patience, tolerance, are resourceful, non-judgemental, confidential Willing to be trained

Duties of Mentor Couples Utilize tools e.g. Inventory, Reflective Listening/Respectful Speaking Point couples to available resources Encourage spiritual, effective behavior Reduce anxieties of the mentees (normalize experiences) Help mentee couples set realistic goals & review progress Model relationship skills Be accessible & committed

What Mentor Couples Don’t Do Necessarily have the perfect marriage Act as mother or father to the mentees Automatically become buddies or pals Think they have to be “on call” for every crisis Act as therapist; (they know when to refer their mentee couples to qualified professionals and other relevant resources.)

Identifying and Inviting Healthy Couples to be Mentors

GVT offers many resources to assist mentors Retreats Books GVT training and coaching for mentors Seminars Workshops Articles on numerous marriage & relationship topics on the website: VaisnavaFamilyResources.org