Hooking the Reader: Writing an effective lead

A “TYPICAL” LEAD…. (Don’t use!) Here’s a “typical” lead that a student might use to start a story. It was a day at the end of June. My mom, dad, brother, and I were at our camp on Rangeley Lake. We arrived the night before we got there and unpacked. We went straight to bed. The next morning, when I was eating breakfast, my dad started yelling for me from down at the dock at the top of his lungs. He said there was a car in the lake.

DIALOGUE: A Character SAYING Something Here is a beginning to the same story, but in the middle of a conversation… “Scott! Get down here on the double!” Dad bellowed. His voice sounded far away. “Dad?” I hollered. “Where are you?” I squinted through the screen door but couldn’t see him. “I’m down on the dock. MOVE IT. You’re not going to believe this,” he replied.

An example from “Clean Sweep” “Have you ever seen a dust mite?” My mother always lowers her voice when she asks this; it adds to the emotional impact. Never in the five years since she had a cleaning business has anyone ever said they’ve seen one. That’s because the only people who have seen dust mites are scientists who put dust balls on slides and look at them under microscopes.

ACTION: A Character DOING Something I gulped my milk, pushed away from the table, and bolted out of the kitchen, slamming the broken screen door behind me. I ran down to our dock as fast as my legs could carry me. My feet pounded on the old wood, hurrying me toward my dad’s voice. “Scott!” he bellowed. “Coming Dad,” I gasped. I couldn’t see him yet- just the sails of the boats that had already put out into the lake for the day.

REACTION: A Character Thinking I couldn’t imagine why my father was hollering for me at 7:00 in the morning. I thought fast about what I might have done to get him so riled. Had he found out about the way I talked to my mom the night before, when we got to camp and she asked me to help unpack the car? Did he discover the fishing reel that I broke last week? Before I could consider a third possibility, Dad’s voice shattered my thoughts. “Scott! Move it! You’re not going to believe this!”

A Description/Building Exposition Rangeley Lake sits deep in the hills of West Bank, a serene little camp my family frequents in the summer. There is anything and everything to do at Rangeley Lake, and my childhood is filled with family ventures. I had the glory of catching my first fish in that lake, learning to water ski, getting that awful first snake bite….so many firsts happened here for me, my little brother Josh, and my parents. I am not a child anymore though, in fact I’m thirteen, and this family trip already feels different. I can’t help wondering if I am too old for this place. I don’t know if I can have fun with my family and without my friends.

Example from “The Landlady” Billy Weaver had traveled down from London on the slow afternoon train, with a change at Reading on the way, and by the time he got to Bath, it was about nine o’clock in the evening, and the moon was coming up out of a clear starry sky over the houses opposite the station entrance. But the air was deadly cold and the wind was like a flat blade of ice on his cheeks. 

Background Information… Example 5: From Priscilla and the Wimps Listen there was a time when you couldn't even go to the rest room around this school without a pass. And I'm not talking about those little pink tickets made out by some teacher. I'm talking about a pass that cost anywhere up to a buck, sold by Monk Clutter.

My tries… Original (Typical): The guys asked Ryan to go to the park for the day to rappel. He hadn’t been before, but it sounded like fun. Action: Ryan flung open the car door and grabbed his Powerade and rappelling gear. He couldn’t wait to find the perfect cliff. Dialogue: “Hurry guys,” Jonah shouted back, “We gotta scope out the perfect cliff.” Reaction: Ryan looked down at the cliff and wondered if he was going to be able to go through with this. The idea sounded fun, but now, he wasn’t so sure.

YOU TRY Make sure that your NEW lead is one of the following: DIALOGUE- Character saying something REACTION- Character thinking something ACTION- Character doing something Description- Build exposition with descriptive details of characters or setting.

Leads Game A. “We’re going to be late!” Laura exclaimed, glancing at her watch. B. The house looked strange. It was completely empty now and the door was flung wide open. C. The girls walked together, tightly, down the hall talking about something…something VERY interesting. D. My mom was lying on the couch, where she had been now for several days.

Leads Game A. My fingers shook as I pushed back the long strands of hair on my head. B. “I don’t even like eggs,” Brittney said. C. D. The bitter taste of lead brought her to her senses.

Leads Game A The early morning sky was the color of cat vomit. B. C. Light bled across the horizon. D. I wish someone would tell me exactly what to do.

Leads Game A. B. Ben looked, facedown, through the small opening in his canvas bed at the patch on the floor. C. The prisoner in the photograph is me. D. The day began with an accident.

Leads Game A. Taylor is twelve years old and too tall, the tallest student in the history of his school. B. The telephone was ringing. C. The invasion happened just before sunrise, when everyone was asleep. D.

Leads Game A. Steve read the letter once, then twice, then a third time. B. Rachel lay in bed reading. C. Rich woke up to the alarm clock bellowing in his ear. D.

Leads Game A. B. Mary had lived in this house for eleven years, all of her life, and she had never been afraid before. C. After Angel came to live with us, two things happened. D. Sometimes it’s funny how we can’t know things.