Week 2 Agenda Review of last week’s lessons Homework Review Lesson 6-Cognitive Self Change-Thinking Controls Behavior Break Lesson 7-Step 1: Pay Attention to Our Thinking Homework Distribution

Lesson 6 – Cognitive Self-Change Thinking Controls Behavior

Group Rules

Active Listening 1. Look at the person who is talking 2. Think about what is being said 3. Wait your turn to talk 4. Say what you want to say 4

? Asking Questions 1. Decide what you would like to know more about. 2. Decide whom to ask. 3. Think about different ways to ask your question. Pick one way. 4. Pick the right time and place to ask your question. 5. Ask your question. ? 5

Giving Feedback information to someone about his/her 1. Decide if you want to provide objective information to someone about his/her behavior, thoughts, or feelings. 2. Decide what kind of information you wish to provide. 6 6

Giving Feedback information. Pick one way. 4. Pick the right time and 3. Think about different ways to give the information. Pick one way. 4. Pick the right time and place to give feedback. 5. Give the other person the information in an objective manner. 7 7

Knowing Your Feelings 1. Tune in to what is going on in your body that helps you know what you are feeling 2. Decide what happened to make you feel that way 3. Decide what you could call the feeling

Homework Review

3 Key Types of Skills Cognitive Self Change - Paying attention to the thoughts and feelings that go on inside of us to avoid the kinds of thoughts and feelings that lead us to trouble Social Skills – Behaviors or abilities we use in situations that involve other people Problem Solving Skills – Skills to help us make better choices 10

Thinking Controls Behavior Thoughts / feelings control the way we act We can control how we act by controlling our ways of thinking We can look at the thoughts and feelings we have in a conflict

3 Steps of Cognitive Self Change 1. Pay Attention to Our Thoughts 2. Recognize Risk 3. Use New Thinking 12

Definition of Attitudes and Beliefs A set of principles, values, or opinions 13

Attitudes and Beliefs General ways of thinking about a lot of different situations Rules, principles, values, or general opinions about a kind of person or a kind of situation Can express the values and the principles you live by Attitudes and beliefs define the things that matter most to us

Attitudes and Beliefs Opinions or general ways of thinking about the people and the situations around us Express values and the principles we live by – defining what matters most to us Examples - My family is the most important thing in my life You have to stand up for yourself Examples - My teachers are unfair My parents are almost always right

Iceberg Analogy We can think of cognitive structure like an iceberg. What is above the water is what you can see. But danger of the iceberg lies beneath the surface. Cutting off the top won’t significantly alter the mass of the iceburg. Likewise, unless we deal with thinking - the behaviors we can’t see. It is difficult to change the actions that we can. 16

Thoughts/Perceptions Cognitive Restructuring External Behaviors Actions Thoughts/Perceptions Feelings Attitudes/Beliefs Internal Behaviors Basic Needs Principles of living Self worth Survival

The Cognitive Principle - Thinking controls behavior Learning to control thoughts and feelings can control actions There is always more than 1 way of thinking about a situation Control of thinking results in real power over life When we think differently, we act differently

Principles Behind Thinking For a Change There is always more than one way of thinking about any situation WHEN WE THINK DIFFERENTLY, WE ACT DIFFERENTLY

Goal of Thinking For A Change Pay Attention To Thinking Take Control Change Your Life

Lesson 7 Cognitive Self-Change Step 1:Paying Attention to Our Thinking

Cognitive Self-Change Step 1 - Pay Attention to Our Thoughts Step 2 - Recognize Risk Step 3 - Use New Thinking 22

Step 1 – Pay Attention to Our Thinking Treat thoughts and feelings as pure information without judgment or interpretation 23

Parts of a Thinking Report Part 1 - State what happened (stick to the facts). Part 2 - List every thought you can remember (words that were in your mind at the time). Part 3 - List all the feelings you remember having. Part 4 - List the beliefs you held in this situation (beliefs are rules, principles, and opinions that you carry into lots of different situations). 24

Thinking Report Process 1. Create a brief, objective description of the situation. 2. List a number of thoughts that you had, just as you remember having them. 3. List your feelings that went along with those thoughts. 25

Objectivity – Definition Saying your thoughts exactly as they go through your head 26

Staying Objective… Remember the thoughts and feelings you had. Don’t judge your thinking. Don’t look at thoughts as right or wrong or good or bad. Look at your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and beliefs as pure information about what was in your mind during a specific situation. 27

Thinking Report State the facts of what happened. Part 1 Situation State the facts of what happened. Who was involved and what was said and done?

Thinking Report List every thought you can remember. Situation Part 2 Thoughts List every thought you can remember. Use the exact words that are in your mind at the time.

Thinking Report List all the feelings you remember having. Situation Thoughts Part 3 Feelings List all the feelings you remember having. Use words that seem right to you. Feelings can be emotions, bodily sensations, or both.

Thinking Report List your attitudes and beliefs. Situation Thoughts Feelings Part 4 Attitudes/Beliefs List your attitudes and beliefs. Attitudes and beliefs are rules, principles, values, or ways of thinking that you carry into lots of different situations.

Report Your Thoughts and Feelings Exactly Helpful Hints for Staying Objective Don’t judge. Don’t blame. Don’t make excuses. Don’t “second guess” (making suggestions about how you should have or could have thought). 32

Mental Toolbox Pay Attention to Our Thinking

Homework