Attraction and Mate-Selection Theories

How do we select the person we marry? Most marriages in Canada are a result of free-choice mate selection where people are attracted to one another, fall in love, and make the decision to marry. There are several theories that can be used to explain the attraction between individuals and the unconscious choices people make when they choose a spouse or partner.

Evolutionary Psychology and Attraction Evolutionary psychology attempts to explain that the origins of sexual attraction can be traced back to our prehistoric ancestors. It argues that attraction is really the result of unconscious factors/motivations.

Therefore, only the individuals with the best strategies/genes (evolutionary advantages) survived and reproduced eventually passing on these traits to the next generation. American psychologist David Buss argues that humans alive today have inherited the unconscious mating strategies that made our ancestors successful.

Evolutionary psychologist Helen Fisher identified the following: Anthropological evidence from around the world suggests that there are certain basic attraction preferences. Evolutionary psychologist Helen Fisher identified the following: Women seem to prefer men who had resources and who could be good providers for themselves and their children. Men preferred women who could bear and nurture healthy infants.

These preferences have carried into the modern world. Research indicates that people are still attracted to people with who the can have/raise the most successful children (although they probably don’t see it that way). For example, men might be attracted to someone who is physically appealing, younger, with shiny hair, clear skin, and a curvaceous figure (these are usually markers of good health and fertility). These are common characteristics of female beauty around the globe.

Women on the other hand are more likely to be attracted to an older mate with good financial resources. In short, this theory holds that men are attracted to women who appear fertile and women are attracted to good providers (while still seeking other qualities that enable them to form satisfying/enduring relationships). **An evolutionary perspective also tries to explain strategies such as mate-poaching, mate-guarding, sexual jealousy…

Social Homogamy In today’s modern world, choosing a mate for biological/reproductive reasons alone is less important. We often choose mates for psychological and social factors i.e. proximity. For example, we generally meet, date, marry individuals who we live close to, go to school with, work with…

Social homogamy explains how individuals are often attracted to (or end up with) partners from similar social and cultural backgrounds. Research has shown a high correlation between age, race, ethnic background, religion, socio-economic status, and political views . Individuals probably share social, cultural, religious, economic values and lifestyle expectations.

First-generation immigrants tend to value others who share their cultural values; second-generation immigrants are more likely to marry someone from a different culture than themselves. Factors such as socio-economic status, political views, and education are important significant factors of social homogamy in diverse societies like Canada.

Ideal Mate Theory The contemporary image of marriage assumes that the relationship is based on social compatibility and romantic love. The ideal mate theory attempts to explain attraction from a symbolic interactionist perspective. The suggestion is that individuals’ unconscious image of the ideal mate forms their perception of the meaning of certain factors, based on how they see others and themselves.

The theory suggests that everyone has an unconscious ideal (of a perfect mate) with/from which they compare a person. This unconscious ideal informs the opinion/judgement of whether or not others are ‘attractive’. Supports notions of social homogamy in that unconscious ideals (positive and negative) are formed by interacting with others and pervious experiences (friends, family, media…) Therefore, the ideal image sets the unconscious standards that influences an individual’s judgment of potential mates. In the competition for mates, it is fortunate that not everyone find the same individuals attractive.

Attraction as Fair Exchange Although individual preferences determine who is attractive as a potential mate, this does not guarantee that the feeling will be reciprocated. Competition for mates has always been a problem. As some people find out, having qualities that suggest an ideal match does not guarantee that two people will be attracted to one another or that the relationship will last.

The exchange theory helps to answer the question “what do they see in him/her/each other?” People assess the resources that they have to offer (physical attractiveness, educational attainment, wealth, social status…) and look for potential mates who might be interested in these qualities or who share similar ones.

Globally, younger women marry older men. In Canada the average age difference is two years while in Iran it is 5 years. This trend can be explained using aspects of evolutionary psychology as well as exchange theory. Older men who have proven resources are seen as more desirable. Younger women are considered more sexually desirable.

Romantic Love Love and commitment are desirable aspects of relationships/marriage. Even if other desirable qualities were present, most people would not marry someone without these conditions. Although love has been described for thousands of years i.e. in poems…important questions still persist: What is love?

What is Love? In order to determine the qualities of romantic love and distinguish it from other forms of affection, American psychologist Robert Sternberg conducted a study of individual who claimed to be in love and analyzed their responses. He determined that romantic love has three aspects that set it apart from other forms: Passion, slow development, and increased commitment to maintaining relationship.

Science of Love The development of romantic love can be measured and explained in biological terms. The sudden and dramatic feelings of passion when people fall ‘head over heels’ in love results from high levels of natural amphetamines i.e. phenylethylamine (PEA) released by the hypothalamus. These chemicals makes people feel more alert, accompanied by increased heart rate, flushed face, and rapid breathing.

Psychologist who study the physiological basis of human behaviour refer to this emotional state as limerence. Michael Liebowitz, author of the book The Chemistry of Love, explains that limerence is similar to fear in its physical aspects. After a while, amphetamines are replaced by the hormone oxytocin. With this change, the aroused but exhausting state of limerence is replaced by calm and satisfaction (less exciting but more enduring).

From an evolutionary perspective, love is advantageous to human groups. Passion draws people together with a desire to reproduce, but the intimacy and commitment that follow allow people to maintain relationships over the long-term.