Communication Skills God by nature is a relationship, God is Love & Love is a relationship You are designed to connect with others Communication is not a personality trait, it is a learnt skill Any One can learn how to be a good communicator i.e. riding a bike

Receiving +Sending +message + avoiding Noise Communication Process Receiving +Sending +message + avoiding Noise

Activity Write the names of three people whom you consider as good listeners. Do the three people you have written, come in the in any one of these categories: liked by you, loved by you or respected by you, You do not like.

Why needed? Misunderstood Misinterpreted Rejected Distorted Not heard 70% of all communication is Misunderstood Misinterpreted Rejected Distorted Not heard

Listening vs. Hearing Hearing: physical process; natural; passive The process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to hear something with thoughtful attention

WHY LISTEN ACTIVELY? Our brain works four times the speed that someone can speak. You have to actively focus on listening so that your mind doesn’t wander. We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm It enriches you and those around you, and guides you to other areas of your life. It can build trust and respect between people, and prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict, frustration or hurt feelings. While listening to other people’s point of view, you may just learn something new and fascinating!

Why Active Listening in Service? Service members Preaching Local cultures Learning Transferring Visions Avoiding Conflicts Avoiding misunderstandings

Our Lord is our Role model

Why is active listening difficult? When people are preoccupied with current life stresses or difficult situations, it is hard for them to listen. Anxiety can make it hard to listen. Being angry at the person who is talking also makes it hard to listen. Having an idea in mind of what a person “should do” makes it hard to listen to that person's point of view.

Barriers to Active Listening Physical Barriers Distractions / triggers Mental Barriers Bad Habits

Physical Barriers Not being able to hear or see the speaker Access to speaker – Remote location Language or cultural differences Other people – speaking or questions

Distractions / triggers Electronic: mobile, phones, computer, TV, radio Human: Other people’s body language, conversations, questions, arrivals or departures etc. Physical: noise, environmental incidents, etc.

Mental Barriers Assumptions: about the speaker, subject, debate etc. Personal Bias/issues Emotions: Strong Positive ( enthusiasm, sympathy) or negative response (frustration, irritation, anger, shame) to the topic, speaker, argument or environment. Judgmental: speaker, delivery , content Processing information: not listening Mental Break: Day dreaming, focus on other issues

Bad Habits Lack of interest Prejudice or Closed minded Criticizing the subject or the speaker Listening only for facts Not taking notes Creating distractions Letting emotional or trigger words block the message being given

STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING 1) Listen 2) Question 3) Reflect-Paraphrase 4) Agree

Step 1: Listen To Feelings As Well As Words Focus on Speaker Words – Emotions -- Implications Focus on Speaker Don’t plan, speak, or get distracted Concentrate on what Is Speaker Talking About? Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others? Look At Speaker – eye contact Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers

- Encouragement: Convey interest and Keep the person talking. Concentrate attention upon the speaker Don’t agree or disagree. Use noncommittal words in a positive tone of voice. Repeat one or two words of the person's previous statement. Be aware of your body language! Use varying voice intonations

Use varying voice intonations “I see” “Right” “Uh huh”… “Okay” “Sure” “Yeah” “Yes” “Wow” “Really?”

Non-Verbal Behavior Non-Verbal Active Listening Techniques: Maintaining appropriate eye contact with the speaker. Occasionally nodding affirmatively to display understanding and interest. Using expectant pauses to indicate to the speaker that more is expected

The various forms of NVC touch sound proximity posture dress eye contact gestures facial expressions use of silence

Step 2: Question 3 Purposes Demonstrates you are listening Gather information Clarification When you asked some questions: Show interest Encourage more explanation Keep the person talking Ask questions but not too many

Use:OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS Observation: "What happened?" Meaning: "What do you mean?" Affect: "How do you feel?" Motive: "What do you want?" Action: "What will you do?"

Other Questioning Tips Avoid asking multiple questions at once. Generally, it’s best to start with open questions Best questions are short, clear, objective. Ask questions in logical order. Allow for quiet, thinking time. Limit why-questions. Take notes.

Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase In that step we will use another techniques for active listening; Reflecting Reframing Paraphrasing Acknowleding Summarizing

REFLECTING Reflect What Is Said (In your words) Reflect Feelings Ex. Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine” (when she actually looks very upset)… Reflecting, you say “You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your voice, you seem upset, correct?”

“Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear. This is particularly useful when the person’s tone of voice or gestures don’t match the person’s words. OR just as a check… “Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR “I sense you’ve become worried. Is that so?” Hold a “mirror” up to the other person – describing how they look or act….

2.REFRAMING Why You Do It? to help the other person see their concerns in a new light to broaden the meaning of an issue to identify needs or interests to diffuse negative feelings to establish the focus for resolution How You Do It? recognize underlying needs re-word concerns from negative → neutral/positive past → future; problem → opportunity

REFRAMING (cont.) Shift from passive to active For example, if the other person said, “I really doubt that I can do anything about this,” you might respond, “What is one small step that you might take?” Shift from negative feeling to positive feeling For example, if the other person said, “I don’t want to work on that now because it makes me feel sad,” you might respond, “What small part of that might you work on for now, that might even leave you feeling a bit more happy?”

3.PARAPHASING PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content. i.e. “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right” When you get a clue about why the person is feeling as he or she does, put the message into your own words:

CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening.

4. ACKNOWLEDGING FEELINGS Problem Solving Acknowledge Problem Solving Might Not Work In the Face of Strong Feelings Feelings May Need Acknowledgement Before Effective Problem Solving Kindergarten story – son it’s the law

5.SUMMARIZE Why You Do It? to review progress to pull together important ideas and information to establish a foundation for further discussion How You Do It? restate the central ideas and feelings you have heard Example: “Let’s see if I have a clear understanding of your experience at this point…” “So basically what is most important to you is…”

Step 4: Agree Get Speaker’s Consent to Your Reframing Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It! Solution Is Near!

Remember that the objective of all of this is increase understanding of the other’s point of view, not necessarily to agree with it or support it.

“A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” Kenneth A. WELLS

Listen quietly, arms &legs uncrossed, body forward Maintain eye contact Reinforce a statement; Rephrase it to insure agreement Use terms like, “yes” & “certainly”

Interrupt, try to finish a sentence for the speaker. Bite nails, chew pens . Tap fingers or feet, when listening . Openly Disagree like “no” and don’t show hostility.

The Golden communication equation

Thank you 40