Text Read: pgs. 172 - 179 Do: Review #6 - 11, pg. 191 Journal Do you have the qualities and characteristics that will attract the kind of person you want to marry? Explain

State #1 List of characteristics, qualities and values desired in a marriage partner.

The Dirtiest Man in the World By: Shel Silvertein

Oh I’m Dirty Dan, the world’s dirtiest man, I never have taken a shower. I can’t see my shirt – it’s so covered in dirt, And my ears have enough to grow flowers. But the water is either a little too hot, Or else it’s a little too cold. I’m musty and dusty and patchy and scratchy And mangy and covered with mold. But the water is always a little to hot, Or else it’s a little too cold.

I live in a pen with five hogs and a hen, And three squizzly lizards who creep in My bed, and they itch as I squirm, and I twitch In the cruddy old sheets that I sleep in. If you looked down my throat with a flashlight, you’d note That my insides are coated with rust. I creak when I walk and I squeak when I talk, And each time I sneeze I blow dust.

The thought of a towel and some soap makes The thought of a towel and some soap makes me howl, And when people have something to tell me They don’t come and tell it – they stand back and yell it. I think they’re afraid they might smell me. The bedbugs that leap on me sing me to sleep, And the garbage flies buzz me awake. They’re the best friends I’ve found and I fear they might drown So I never go too near a lake.

Each evening at nine I sit down to dine With the termites who live in my chair, And I joke with the bats and have intimate chats With the cooties who crawl through my hair. I’d brighten my life if I just found a wife, But I fear that never will be Until I can find a girl, gentle and kind With a beautiful face and a sensitive mind, Who sparkles and twinkles and glistens and shines- And who’s almost as dirty as me.

You attract what you are—not what you want!

Prevalent Causes of Faulty Mate Selection Decision to marry is made too quickly. Decision to marry is made at too young an age. One or both are too eager to get married. One or both may be choosing a mate to please someone else. Experience base is too narrow. Couple has unrealistic expectations. One or both may have unaddressed personality or behavior problems. Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

Reasons People Marry Trapped Escape Obligation Status Change Feel trapped by pregnancy or promises or engagement. Escape Marry to get out of the house or escape from any other bad situation. (They usually escape to a worse situation.) Obligation Feel like you had to marry because you have been sexually active or in some other way feel obligated. Status Change Might be moving or going off to college or graduating and decide it is time to marry. Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

More Reasons People Marry Set Variable Find the person that you believe is the right person and decide to marry. Pity Pity and love are two close emotions and some people can’t distinguish between the two. Love Hopefully all would include some of this emotion in their marriage. Pressure Getting older and fear of not getting married. Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

Other Reasons People Marry Companionship As a mature person, we spend the first part of life being dependent (child), then being independent (adolescent), then move to interdependence and are ready for companionship. Money Financially I can marry now. Family You’re ready to have a family and want to be married in order to accomplish that. Common History You have been going together for a long time and invested a lot of time in the other person. Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

Mate Selection Theories Theory of Propinquity We marry people we know. Exchange Theory Everyone evaluates their own worth and then go to barter and see what they can find. A guy with lots of money but is not very handsome may be able to exchange that money for a girl who is beautiful. Complimentary Needs Theory You find someone who compliments your needs. A quiet person would select an outgoing person. Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

More Theories Time and Place Theory Filter Theory We will marry the person we are going with when the time is right. People generally marry about four years after they begin to date on a regular basis. Filter Theory People filter through qualities that they want. Specific height, religion, education, etc. Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

Filters Biological Social Psychological Sex Age Physical characteristics Social Same income level, class Race Religion Education, intelligence Psychological Role compatibility Interests and hobbies Personality Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

Marital Risks Married at early age (girls under 20) Parental disapproval of marriage Unhappy childhood Poor relationship with parents Poor self-concept Different values Poor attitude about sex Parents are divorced or in a poor marriage Pre-marital pregnancy Length of acquaintance – at least one year Either partner is physically or emotionally unhealthy Chocolate Chip Cookie Analogy

Want Ad for a Mate Handout What would you change on your paper now?

Case Studies

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