Grandparents Matter Home Visiting comes to Three Gen 6th Annual Home Visiting Summit November 16, 2016 Janice M. Gruendel, Ph.D., M.Ed. Senior Fellow, Institute for Child Success jgruendel@instituteforchildsuccess

We all have mental images of our own “three generation” families. Home for the holidays, all around the table… Nana and Poppi there when the baby comes… Family photos filled from end to end with smiling faces… Dropping off the little ones for a long weekend with grammie and gramps… And then we all go home, our kids safely in tow…

1 in 12 “Having my grandchildren move in was not planned, but it is very rewarding and also crazy to manage at times because kids nowadays are just very different from how I grew up.” 1 in 12

“There is never enough money to make ends meet and pay the monthly bills… If I didn’t get free diapers and formula, I don’t think I could fulfill my duties as a grandmother. “ Grandparents raising their grandchildren come in all shapes and sizes, ages and races. They live in my community, and yours.

“There are too many programs and services that help for a short while or have waiting lists….” “If I was a regular foster parent or an adoptive parent, I could get a lot more help. Sometimes I feel like a dumping ground.”

We call them kinship foster families, informal child care, respite parents…. They connect with our services and systems in ways may meet the systems’ needs but may not meet their needs.

What if…. ….we were committed to support grandparents raising their grandchildren in ways that were BETTER than the best we have done so far? How can we be “science-informed”? What would we do differently? What policies do we need? How could home visiting become our partner? How can we learn to see and feel and know the world through the eyes of our elders who have taken on this extraordinary responsibility?

We must become “three-gen science-informed…” Science of poverty, scarcity & racism Science of adversity, trauma & toxic stress Neuroscience: Early brain development Attachment, Serve and Return Executive function & self-regulation skills for children, youth & young adults Science of health aging Mindfulness, Empathy and joy Science of resilience: Internal and external Protective Factors Implementation Science: Fidelity to model

We can make four sensible changes Use the Science Adopt a three-generation ”theory of change” informed by both the science of adversity and the science of resilience Teach gently about “the new child development” in a way that honors grandparents own experiences as a parent Learn about the science of elderhood Adapt medical home, home visiting and kinship care models to meet the special needs of elders caring for young children Wrap Around the Family Unit Deliver community supports and services to the child and grand parent simultaneously as well as individually, and wrap them around the family as a whole. Attend to social-emotional realities involving the grand parent and birth parent who has become “the absent parent” Commit to support over a longer duration that may, in fact, increase as the grandparent ages Focus on Strengths and Resilience Services and supports quickly focus on individual and family strengths and assets, including within the extended family Build on community protective factors including peer networks Use music, art and writing to give “voice” to grandparents and foster connections with their grand kids Respect grandparents’ needs for peer time and alone time Build a Connected System Build new partnerships within the service sector, including Transportation Housing Child care for respite Mental health services for adult and child anxiety and depression Elder health Public School System Child and adult “preventive services” Real-time data sharing Professional development anchored in elder and young children /adolescent development

“Perception is highly personal, made from our life experiences and our temperaments. It’s almost as if each of us goes through life wearing a pair of glasses that alters the world so that we see it the way we need, want, or expect it to be.” The Power of Understanding: See the World Through Your Child’s Eyes

We need to recognize that we may have become part of the problem…. Understanding what “grandparents raising their grandchildren” see, feel and need enables us to become part of the solution.

Grandparents caring for their grandchildren are: Weirdly wonderful Wise but stubborn Worried but hope-full Wondering where “they” went wrong Wishing they weren’t so tired Wanting to be valued Welcoming help

These are precious times and grand parents really matter… No excuses. We can do this.

Remember, elders rock !!! Jgruendel@instituteforchildsuccess.org Janice.Gruendel@aya.yale.edu