DEALING WITH DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR (de-escalating) Training from Hilary Nunns

The Iceberg Theory of Behaviour

Students should behave like adults A Common Mindset Students should behave like adults

Creating a positive ethos and climate Remember: All adults in the college are role models

Assertiveness DEFENSIVE BEHAVIOUR “Behaviour to protect oneself from a perceived threat or attack.” Freud passive: to shut down or withdraw aggressive: verbally or physically attack or judge and blame another manipulative: unscrupulous control of a situation or person assertive: establish clear boundaries and express what is wanted or needed

DEFENSIVE BEHAVIOUR Non verbal: Passive Forms: crossed arms and/or legs (closed or shut down posture), rolling the eyes, shaking the head, frowning, flushed face, refusing to speak, fidgeting, turning away, looking away, pointing a finger, and walking away. Aggressive Forms: slamming doors, leaning forward and glaring, pounding a fist, throwing something.

DEFENSIVE LANGUAGE Verbal: Passive forms: Quiet tones, softly spoken, hesitant, frequent pausing, starting sentences with ‘sorry’, throat clearing. Aggressive Forms: attacking back, denying, raising voice tone, interrupting, dominating, repeating, swearing and name-calling, arguing, justifying, and rationalizing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy0sJGcnsaM&feature=related “Defence Mechanism" means that the defensive behaviour becomes the habitual response to a similar reality situation. The person does not stop to think or reflect; BASIL FAWLTY

“Aggressive behaviour is when you stand up for your rights that ignore or dismiss the rights of others.” “Non assertion is when you don’t stand up for your rights or you make it easy for others to ignore them.”

What could possibly go wrong?

What stops us from being more assertive? Assertiveness From an early age, by doing what others want us to do we are often praised. Frustrations around having our opinions heard and valued may lead to an aggressive attitude Sometimes we do not realise that there is an alternative to pleasing others or being aggressive We may lack confidence or have low self esteem. Questionnaire We may not be sure about what rights we actually have Cultures and belief systems often discourage assertiveness.

Mehrabian’s Rule Albert Mehrabian’s 1967 work refers to the communication of feelings and attitudes. Non verbal communication is indeed a powerful part of how we can communicate the - “Real message”. The real message is usually in the non verbal behaviour, if we ever face a dilemma we tend to believe that which is communicated non verbally. People tend to be more convinced by how you say things.

Do you have emotional buttons? Press 1 for anger Press 2 for tears Press 4 for an argument Press 3 for getting sent out

NON VERBAL STRATEGIES Facial expressions Body language Some people don’t know how to say NO. Give lots of practice for saying no. Why use non verbal? HANDOUTS A quiet word is better than a loud one. Don’t interrupt flow of lesson Don’t embarrass students (no loss of face) No opportunity for conflict Asserts your position

Fact, Sympathy and Suggestion Technique de-personalise the situation show an element of understanding offer a solution

Loud in quiet areas Wearing inappropriate clothing/no ID

Use emotional intelligence Stick to the facts, not opinions Use constructive criticism and problem- solving phrases Tell students what they should be doing (solutions) Remind

When – Then (classroom) When you’ve tidied everything away and put your chairs under the desk, Then you can go for break When all your work is finished properly, Then you can have 3 minutes’ chat time/text time (your choice of reward)

When – Then (general) When you’ve picked up a temporary ID, Then you can go in When you’ve stopped arguing/shouting, Then we can sort this out

Strategies to use when presented with challenging behaviour Always use a calm manner and tone of voice Always provide positive praise for every instance of good behaviour Avoid confrontations or arguing back Avoid Parental Mode

Who is in control? Corey and the party organiser. (how many times does he say “Sorry”?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc0CB6URrV0 22