Kairos Prison Ministry International The Art of Listening Mary Ketter Being Present

Being Present

The first duty of love is to listen. -Paul Tillich Being Present

Listen, Listen, Love, Love. Being Present

Kairos Volunteer Job Description Skills required: Humble, kind, loving, trustworthy, prayerful, good listener… Being Present

WE LISTEN TO: Obtain information Understand For enjoyment To Learn Being Present

What Are You Going to Learn? What is the art of listening Understanding the 5 steps to active listening Exercises to encourage active listening Being Present

What is Active Listening Active Listening is a way of responding to someone by trying to understand not merely what the person is saying but what he/she is feeling. The proper use of active listening results in getting people to open up, avoiding misunderstandings, resolving conflict, and building trust.

The Art of Listening Being Present We spend between 50 & 80% of our waking life communicating, and ½ of that communication time is spent in listening. How much information we usually recall IMMEDIATELY  after we listen to someone talk – 50% How much we remember of what we hear – 20% Less than 2% of people have had any formal education on how to listen Being Present

Who Benefits From You Being a Good Listener? Being Present

5 Steps to Be an Active Listener

ACTIVE LISTENING STEPS #1: Pay attention #2: Show that you are listening #3: Make sure you understand #4: Defer judgement #5: Summarize

STEP #1: Pay attention Look at the speaker directly Put aside distracting thoughts Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal Avoid being distracted by environmental factors Listen to the speakers body language, i.e. posture, eye contact, gestures with hands and arms, speech, tone of voice. Being Present

STEP #2: Show That You’re Listening Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention Nod occasionally Smile and use other facial expressions Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” and “uh huh” Being Present

TIP Automatic reflection/mirroring of any facial expressions used by the speaker can be a sign of attentive listening. These reflective expressions can help to show sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations. Being Present

STEP #3: Make Sure You Understand Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions. Being Present

TIP If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information: “Do you mean...” or “Tell me more about…” or “I may not be understanding you correctly, what I thought you just said is _____; is that what you meant?“ Being Present

Jesus Was a Good Listener

TIP Casual and frequent use of words and phrases, such as: ‘very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ can become irritating to the speaker.   It is usually better to elaborate and explain why you are agreeing with a certain point. Being Present

STEP #4: Defer Judgment To effectively master the art of listening it's extremely important to withhold any negative evaluations or judgements.  Make it your goal to be open minded 100% of the time. Being Present

TIP Judging the matter before you hear the entire story can cause you to respond appropriately. No jumping in. Be patient and try not to figure out what you think the speaker is trying to say by finishing their sentences or blurting out your thoughts. Being Present

Jesus Was a Good Listener

STEP #5: Summarize Bring together the facts and pieces of the problem to check understanding - for example, “So it sounds to me as if . . .”

ACTIVE LISTENING STEPS #1: Pay attention #2: Show that you are listening #3: Make sure you understand #4: Defer judgement #5: Summarize

Everybody Loves Raymond – Active Listening!

Listen, Listen Linda!

The art of listening Five steps to active listening Exercises to practice active listening

We are in the business of listening! It’s what God wants us to do! As Kairos Volunteers: We are in the business of listening! It’s what God wants us to do! So go out there and be a better listener! Remember… Being Present