Positive Solutions for Families Session 2 Why Do Children Do What They Do? and How Do I Teach Them What to Do?

What’s Happening Today? Share your Things to Try at Home activities Fill/Refill your child’s relationship tank Positive comments and encouragement Playing with your child (following his/her lead) Behaviors to see less of and more of Determining the meaning of behavior Making our expectations clear Developing household rules Discuss fun strategies and ideas that you can use to teach your child what to do: Emotional Literacy Controlling Anger and Handling Disappointment Problem Solving Review Things to Try at Home activities

Behavior is Language!

Make Your “Expectations” Clear Tell your child what to do instead of what not to do. Clearly and simply state what you expect your child to do. Have age-appropriate expectations. Use age-appropriate language. Young children have difficulty with contractions (two words that are combined to form one, such as “don’t” and “can’t”).

What’s a Better Way to Say? Workbook Activity #6 Stop yelling! Don’t throw your toys! Stop bothering your sister! Don’t spill your milk. Stop whining. Be good. Be nice. Cut it out. 5 5

“Rules” for Rules Pick only 3 to 5. State the behavior you want to see. Be descriptive. What does the behavior look like? Pick rules that can be applied in a lot of situations.

Rule Examples Clean up after yourself. Use an inside voice. Ask before you use something that is not yours. Use words to solve problems.

Help Me Be Successful! Teach me what to do! Show and Tell Practice Makes Perfect You Got It!

Using Pictures to Teach Rules Get out your camera Snap a photograph of what you want your child “to do” Post it, model it, practice it, and notice when it’s done and praise it! If your rule is “clean up”…show him/her

Emotional Vocabulary 10

Children with a Strong Foundation in Emotional Vocabulary… tolerate frustration better get into fewer fights engage in less destructive behavior are healthier are less lonely are less impulsive are more focused have greater academic achievement 11

Enhancing Emotional Vocabulary Workbook Handout #9 Talk about feelings Ask your child to tell you how he/she feels Teach new emotion words (e.g., frustrated, confused, anxious, excited, worried) Talk about how characters in a book, video, or on TV may feel Reflect on situations and discuss feelings Accept and support your child’s expression of feelings Use books and art activities to talk about emotions 12 12

English/ Spanish 13 13

Use Songs and Games… Example: “If you’re happy and you know it…” Add new verses to introduce new feeling words: If you’re happy and you know it, hug your mom (or dad)! If you’re sad and you know it, cry a tear: “Boo hoo!” If you’re mad and you know it, use your words: “I’m mad!” If you’re scared and you know it, get some help, “HEEELLLLPPP!” 14

Children’s Book Nook Workbook Handout #9 15 15

Children’s Books Workbook Handout #10 and Activity #11 Get with a partner and read the book. What feeling words could you teach your child? What fun games or activities could you use that would relate to the book? 16

Controlling Anger and Impulse How can we help our children… recognize anger in themselves and others? learn how to calm down? understand appropriate ways to express anger?

Turtle Tuck Workbook Handout #18 Recognize that you feel angry. Think, “Stop.” Go into shell. Take 3 deep breathes. And think calm, coping thoughts. Come out of shell when calm and thinking of a solution. 18 18

Problem-Solving Steps 19 19

Help Your Child Think of Possible Solutions Get an adult Ask nicely Ignore Play Say, “Please stop” Say, “Please” Share Trade toys/item Wait and take turns

Setting The Stage for Success! Try to anticipate problems Stay near your child Support your child Encourage your child 21 21

Teach Me What to Do! Tell Me, Show Me, Help Me Emotional Vocabulary Controlling Anger and Disappointment Problem Solving 22 22

Things to Try at Home! Observer your child and try Determining the Meaning of Behavior (Activity #5) Developing Household Rules (Activity #7) Pick some of the strategies or ideas that we have talked about during this session and write 3 ideas that you can do with your child this week to teach emotional vocabulary skills. (Activity #15) Have fun with your child!