RELATIONSHIP DETOXIFICATION   RELATIONAL SKILLS WORKSHOP John-Robert Curtin, Ph.D. 4Civility Institute

3 Critical Components for Dealing with Toxic Situations Information/Understanding Safe Reporting Comprehensive Resolution

“Conflict is not the problem, conflict is the messenger” Tony Belak, JD, 1998

ENABLING ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURES Allegations are discounted or ignored Tough management Personality conflicts Avoidance Lack of managerial skills Accepted Organizational culture

ENABLING ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURES No Safe Reporting Systems or Plans No Neutral or Not Perceived as Neutral No Plans or Procedures for Comprehensive Resolution

Three Components of Conflict Offender Target Audience---Bystanders/ Support Groups In many workplace conflicts the roles play out in a classic Drama Triangle

Drama Triangle Target Heroes/Heroines Offender

Breaking the Cycle of the Drama Triangle

Working with others: Listen Introduction to the NVRI Working with others: Listen Listen with your eyes not just your ears Listen with your heart Listen with your mind—to understand not just to respond Respond with your compassion, your attention, your body language, and your open questions

“Its’ amazing what you hear when you listen.” Yogi Berra

Dignity

Communication is not merely talking and waiting to talk.

You can climb the ladder to becoming a better listener by using these six easy steps: L: Look at the person speaking to you A: Ask questions D: Don’ interrupt D: Don't change the subject E: Empathize R: Respond verbally & non-verbally

Comprehensive Resolutions

Restorative Practice and Behavioral Transition versus Progressive Disipline

Three Pillars of Restorative Practice in the Workplace Restorative practice focuses on harm Wrongs or harms result in obligations Restorative practice promotes engagement or participation

Behavioral Transition Restorative Practice Morphed into Behavioral Transition

Behavioral Transition Three Main Groups: Offender (s) Target (s) Audience---Bystanders/ Support Group

Behavioral Transition Focus is on helping, assisting, guiding all three groups to a new level, a new place with a new or renewed sense of meaningful purpose.

Offender Recognizing or understanding the harm caused and who was harmed Getting to the ‘Why’ from the ‘what’ Creating and accepting a ‘Transformative Prescription’ Support systems Goals and objectives Measures- outcomes-obligations-consequences Reality Therapy

Target Only you can make yourself a victim Getting to the ‘What from the Why’ Transformative Prescription Support systems New goals, objectives, measures, outcomes, obligations and consequences Reality Therapy

Bystanders, Communities, Friends, Family Understanding the nature of conflict Support versus Insistency Encouragement versus Blame Dialogue versus Demagoguery Long term versus short term Understanding Reality Therapy

Dignity Compassion Communication A Better Triangle

Compassion is contagious   Spread it today

Thank You